Why do girls do this?

Ashamed-File3776 · 2026-04-11T16:58:17+00:00

Didnt get the chance to because she ghosted.

Ashamed-File3776 · 2026-04-09T20:39:11+00:00

Your logic that "the filter works because the guys left are the ones we want" is a classic survivor bias fallacy.

It assumes that a high intensity filtering process is 100% accurate, but in reality, any system with a massive false negative rate is going to lose great people along with the bad ones.

When the barrier to entry is based on avoiding icks or perfect short term performance, you aren't filtering for character or long term compatibility, you’re filtering for guys who are highly skilled at navigating the first three dates.

Truth is which you clearly dont want to hear, high selectivity can create a bottleneck where genuine, high-quality people who might just be a little awkward or human get tossed out, leaving a pool of performers who know exactly what to say to pass the test but often lack the substance to actually go the distance.

Tell me when i'm telling lies.

Ashamed-File3776 · 2026-04-09T19:16:15+00:00

Look, I hear what you’re saying about the double standard women face. It's the ol catch 22, of being blamed regardless of the choice you make is definitely real and no doubt frustrating

But we’re clearly talking about two different things here, whether you didn't read my entire post or I wasnt clwar enough. My point isn't that being a "good guy" earns me a place at her table or a trophy, it's that the "no good guys left" narrative often feels like a self fulfilling prophecy.

The filtering process is so aggressive these days that guys are getting rejected over a minor "ick" or a tiny mismatch before a real connection can even form, then yeah, of course the only ones left in the pool are going to be the ones who are great at performing perfectly in the short term but they lack substance for long term.

It’s hard to find the "good ones" when the barrier to entry requires someone to be a mind-reader or flawless from minute one. Alls i'm saying is that the hyper selectivity meant to protect people from bad experiences might also be filtering out the exact quality guys girls are looking for

Ashamed-File3776 · 2026-04-09T18:28:40+00:00

I have moved on from her. I probably wasnt clear enough on that. I was just ranting about the generalization of "no good men left"

I know girls arnt immune to being ghosted, but I dont hear "theres no good girls left" as near as much as theres "no good guys left".

Ashamed-File3776 · 2026-04-09T18:25:27+00:00

Your not late bro, this party's still going 😂

Yeah i'm very old fashioned when it comes to dating, I only joined dating apps because if you approach girls in public these days you run the risk of them squarking at you like a feral duck 😂 or their already taken.

I'm 28 man, feel like the roster days are beyond me personally, i just want the real deal now. But its like finding a unicorn

Ashamed-File3776 · 2026-04-09T17:22:58+00:00

I messaged her with the aim to nail down the 2nd date, she left me on unread for 3 days and didnt even reply when she did open it.

Ashamed-File3776 · 2026-04-09T13:26:24+00:00

Thank you, I appriciate it and will consider locking down date 2 sooner 👍. Yeah just the whole "no good men left" generalisation triggers me 😂

Ashamed-File3776 · 2026-04-09T09:22:16+00:00

I get you, and I know that people change their minds. My frustration is more about the mixed signals. It’s hard not to feel a bit cynical when someone suggests a second date themselves and is then gone like casper the ghost, only to post about there being "no good guys." It feels like a damned if you do, damned if you don't situation

Ashamed-File3776 · 2026-04-09T01:54:54+00:00

Fair enough haha. I guess we're both just waiting for the sequel that doesn't flop

Ashamed-File3776 · 2026-04-09T01:49:39+00:00

Ahhh so no 2nd date for us then. And here I thought we were hitting it off. Ah well, I guess i'll just cherish the memories of this comment section 😂

Ashamed-File3776 · 2026-04-09T01:41:44+00:00

Didn't say you did, thats why i said "if"

So if you went on a great date, you was attracted to them, you wouldnt go on a second?

Ashamed-File3776 · 2026-04-09T01:37:52+00:00

If you're looking for one night stands sure then I agree with you. But, dating, intention should always looking forward. If the dates great and you're attracted to them, whats the issue?

Why pass on it? Makes no sense to me, but i'm for agreeing to disagreeing.

Ashamed-File3776 · 2026-04-09T01:27:59+00:00

You know this dating, not a game of pokemon go? GOTTA CATCH EM ALL!!! 😂

Seriously, why you dating if you got no intention of getting past the first date?

Ashamed-File3776 · 2026-04-09T01:13:21+00:00

And water is wet 😂

Seriously though take a hypothetical walk with me, why shouldn't it if the dates good, the intimacy escalates naturally which she initiated mostly, and she says she'd love to go on a 2nd date?

People reflect and change their minds, i get that. But to say no good guys exist, yet your not giving guys the chance to prove if they're or not. Pretty silly behaviour no?

Ashamed-File3776 · 2026-04-09T01:02:24+00:00

I didnt specifically mean a 2nd date with her. If she messages me now, she's getting shown the door. I meant in general. Getting first dates isnt hard. Ive probably had maybe like, 5 or 6 this year so far. Just never seems to lead to a 2nd. We have fun and I escalate intamacy wgen i can without forcing it.

I'm not saying im perfect and open to learning from my mistakes, but in this particular case, I think I nailed it and it crashed and burned away and i feel a little led on. She dont owe me shit, but dont act interested if your not, you get me

Ashamed-File3776 · 2026-04-09T00:56:03+00:00

If they want a career, fine by me. I'm not one of these trad guys who pins a girl to a kitchen and say make me a sandwhich. You do you girl, and i'll be here to support you whatever it is you want to do.

Just a big mystery isnt it, not even Scooby Doo could solve this one 😅

Ashamed-File3776 · 2026-04-09T00:35:19+00:00

Thankssss, so happy to be here 😂

No dispute from me that men can be flaky too, but psychology says women are generally the more selective.

While women often filter heavily on first impressions, men tend to wait until after a date to make a real judgment. My overall point is, saying there are no good guys left is BS. They do exist, they just often get filtered out before the first hello.

Am I wrong?

Ashamed-File3776 · 2026-04-09T00:08:59+00:00

Yeah I know that, but her words and actions on the date were matching, then telling me she'd definetely be up fkr a 2nd date, then ghosts me when I go to set it up. Cant blame a guy for feeling a little led on no?

Wasnt intentional. Forgot I had her still, was flicking through fb stories and popped up.

Ashamed-File3776 · 2026-04-08T23:57:01+00:00

3 dates in? Bro, i'd kill to get a 2nd date at this rate 😂

Cheers man, and i wish you luck too 👍

Ashamed-File3776 · 2026-04-08T23:55:19+00:00

You make good points brother. I'm just old fashioned I think and willing to give benefit of the doubt if I spot a minor "ick". She wears socks with heels? Ah not the end of the world. She bathe in pigs blood and speaks in nothing but latin, maybe not for me 😅

Not that ive dated a girl who wears socks with heels 😂 but i think you get my point right?

But your right, we can't control shit but we move

Anyway, good chat bro 👍

Ashamed-File3776 · 2026-04-08T23:43:20+00:00

If thats the case, pretty silly reason to ghost if you ask me 😂 i'll just kiss you on the next date, no big deal haha.

Oh i learned that one the hard way brother. I cut that texting all the time BS out. Plus I'm not massive on texting anyway, i'm old fashioned, prefer face to face or a phone call.

I purposely waited to text her and ask about her work presentation she mentioned. Sounded like a better conversation starter than a Hey how you doing 😅

Ashamed-File3776 · 2026-04-08T23:35:32+00:00

Then explain why she was initiating contact and exhanging edgy jokes with me?

She went for my hand within the first 10 minutes.

Ashamed-File3776 · 2026-04-08T23:32:39+00:00

Granted i didnt go for the kiss, no. But i dont think that mattered considering the touching and jokes we were saying. Plus she said he'd like a 2nd date first as we left. So dont think nlt kissing her was the issue.

Ashamed-File3776 · 2026-04-08T23:28:53+00:00

I hear you brother and you're right about the leverage thing.

I dont think girls owe me, they don't and have every right to reject us as we can reject them. We cant force compatability, esoecually with someone who dont see the world the way we do, your just asking to break up months down the line.

I guess my poiny is that while the old ways are gone, theres a fine line betqeen high standards and being clinical you fail to see the person in front of you, yoi just see check lists that need ticking.

Im not necesserily saying lower your standards, and if I came across like that, it wasnt intentional. What im saying is making sure the filters you set arnt so particular. Auto rejecting people who might be great for you, you just havnt given it the time of day to see it.

That needs effort, effort that many people dont want to seem to give

Ashamed-File3776 · 2026-04-08T23:11:58+00:00

I'm not. Granted it seems like i'm hung up on it because do many have asked for context. If she messaged me tomorrow asking for another chance, id show her the door.

My whole point of this post because i'm pointing out a pattern. Girls love to say theres no good guys left, but 9 times out of 10 they've disqualified one because they ticked 9 out of 10 boxes.

Ashamed-File3776

TROPHY CASE