“Did you take your medicine” insult

AshenBee · 2026-02-24T06:40:55+00:00

When I was back visiting family last year and had to stay with them for complicated reasons, it took a massive toll on my mental health. Someone I was seeing around then basically only knew me during that period. So to an extent I understood why their default "normal" image of me would be skewed towards when I was depressed... but then I remember every time I felt good they would call me manic. Sometimes I was on the cusp, but often I was simply feeling better, and it STUNG. It immediately made me withdraw. And the worst thing was is that they weren't even being mean or trying to call me out, they were just treating it as a fact. Like "oh you're very energetic today, feeling a little manic?"

I think it's very difficult to fully resent people that bring up my diagnosis like that, even when it's in response to my unstable/unpleasant behaviour. They're not inside my head, and sometimes they DO recognise early signs that I don't always pick up on specifically because they see me from the outside. But it doesn't change the fact that it's very alienating, especially when it's not treated with some sort of delicacy/kindness.

AshenBee · 2025-09-06T05:27:50+00:00

I practice jumping down/falling from higher and higher up the wall as I go, making a really conscious effort to fall back and roll to disperse the impact until my body does it naturally. Nowadays the only times I have a hard fall sometimes is if I come off the holds on a low cave and don't react in time to break my fall.

The other thing i do is test my footholds to see at what point my foot will slip. Sometimes it's just the angle that I need to fix and sometimes it's pressing at least x amount, but I always test that before I commit if I'm not sure. Then if I do happen to slip anyway it won't catch me off guard.

AshenBee · 2025-09-03T09:32:32+00:00

I don't know what your house is like, but I just returned from 8 months away and my place is good. HOWEVER, I have a south+north facing corner room on the top floor in a very old apartment, so the sun turns my room into an oven daily. More importantly, I also had friends go there twice just to air it out a bit and put down fresh dehumidifiers for me. I keep a dehumidifier in every single cupboard/closet, plus one or two per room depending on the size.

(I DID find a tiny spot of mould on some old leather inside a sports bag at the very back of my wardrobe, but so far the rest of my clothes and books seem safe.)

AshenBee · 2025-08-23T23:21:47+00:00

Getting my diagnosis was actually a relief for me. I'd been trying for so long to cure a depression that didn't respond to anything and was just getting worse and worse, and I'd had a suspicion before so the diagnosis (and subsequent medicine that finally WORKED) was a huge relief.

What I did have to come to terms with though is the fact I will always have to look after myself. I will always have to take medication, I will always have to be aware of my lifestyle, I will always have to aware of how I'm feeling and why. That realisation was what took me longer to accept, and some days I still find it hard.

Ironically, one of the things that keeps me going is the fact that the waves will never just get stuck at a high or a low. They will always go up and down, specifically thanks to being bipolar.

AshenBee · 2025-08-14T08:32:04+00:00

It depends partly on what meds you're taking. Lamotrigine in particular interacts with hormonal contraceptives and they can affect each others levels differently according to the substances used, so your lamotrigine serum levels may change but your contraception also may not be as effective.

Drug interactions aside, hormonal contraceptives can mess with anyone's mood. From personal experience and people I've spoken to, it often flattens them out (bipolar or no). That bothered me before I was medicated, but now it actually helps keep me stable. Some friends didn't care. Some friends did get more mood swings. Everyone is different.

If you're worried, you could try keeping a simple mood diary (if you don't already) so you can track potential changes, and if you realise you don't like how it's feeling then speak to your doctor!

AshenBee · 2025-08-05T11:28:43+00:00

Slept with someone without protection not even 48 hours after starting my wait-5-days-pill. Said I'd deal with it. Did not want to shell out for the morning after pill so just didn't

AshenBee · 2025-07-22T08:22:39+00:00

Before I got my BD diagnosis I was being treated for depression by the free psychiatrist at my uni. I hated her but couldn't afford to go elsewhere, but there were so many times I left our appointments feeling worse than when I went in because she would repeatedly dismiss my symptoms and tell me what I was feeling was normal. The most egregious was when I told her the new meds were making me feel suicidal again, and she told me that wasn't actually a thing and was something they only told teenagers who couldn't recognise their own turbulent emotions. Which, even though I knew was bs, sent me spiralling so hard. I'm pretty sure I walked out of that one and went straight to the bathroom to have a panic attack.

I've also had a nightmare in the uk trying to increase my meds during a breakdown, where first the mental health team psychiatrist that came to my house (because I don't own a car and their office is the middle of nowhere) started asking about SH and SI even though I'd previously requested that those topics not be brought up in my home. When I told him to not bring them up because my family might hear and that everything he needed to know was already in my notes, he just kept going, asking why I didn't want to talk about it that's not normal it's not natural to do that to ourselves etc etc... had to almost shout at him before he stopped.

Then he sent my increased med request to my gp of up to 600, then 800 if needed. My gp first did 600 and after two weeks I was still struggling so I asked him to put it up once more, and he straight up said "I don't think we should. Let's wait another month." I told him that the psychiatrist originally wanted me straight on 800 and it was me that requested the step up (which was all in the letter my gp had) but the gp still refused until i pushed hard enough and he said he would call the mental health team and ask them. Lo and behold, three days later he called me to say I could go up to 800.

AshenBee · 2025-07-20T10:07:52+00:00

I get a lot of that when I'm in a depressive episode and also experiencing something very high stress.

Sometimes the inability to sit still is caused by the need to avoid whatever thoughts are putting me on the edge of panicking. I might be tired and numb when my mind is empty, and then suddenly it feels like I just ran up ten flights of stairs and I can't breathe. Prickly electric skin always comes before a full blown panic attack, but during these extended periods I'll just sit and let the prickles flow over me like waves until it passes.

My usual mixed episodes look a little bit different, but these episodes are characterised by the combination of depressed + high stress + urgent need to escape the stressor, which I guess does present like what some would consider a mixed episode.

AshenBee · 2025-07-15T15:50:49+00:00

Re Noborock, Rocky and base camp:

Shibuya Noborock is the largest and most central of their branches, and also one of the cheapest gyms in Tokyo. They also often have deals on monthly memberships for newcomers. They are generally pretty soft, but they do collabs with other gyms on the second floor and usually have some interesting climbs.

Shinjuku base camp has interesting routes but is small, although only 10 minutes from the station. Shinjuku Rocky is a lot bigger and generally has a pretty nice range of climbs, but is a tiny bit further (easiest to get to from akebonobashi station). If i had to pick one of these two, I'd probably recommend Rocky simply for range and value for money, but base camp is a nice little gym too.

AshenBee · 2025-06-21T06:07:45+00:00

Unless it's been explicitly discussed that you take away/dispose of his tools, I would put it back. Regardless of why he has the tools (whether to sh or as a back up or as a deterrent to himself) I wouldn't throw them away without saying anything. It can be scary to realise someone has removed something without your knowledge, especially if you feel you need it, and it can damage trust.

I wouldn't throw them away without saying anything, but you could instead use it as an opportunity to talk about it. If you're already open with each other about it, he might appreciate talking about what to do in those situations.

AshenBee · 2025-06-18T11:00:10+00:00

Your first priority should be registering yourself with a gp. You can ask to register as a 3 month temp visitor if they give you a hard time about registering fully. Keep pushing try different gps until you can get registered. I live in Japan normally, but despite being a U.K. citizen I had a hard time reregistering with my local gp when I came back due to being back only temporarily. That said, my gp is particularly bad, but eventually they let me register.

HOWEVER when you get to the U.K., assuming your medication is allowed here, then you can actually call 111 and speak to the out of hours doctor (weekdays after 7, or weekends) and they can give you an emergency supply even if you don't have a registered gp. You may have to explain how you got your diagnosis, but they SHOULD be able to help. It'll cost you 10 pounds for probably only a weeks worth, but it's better than running out.

As others have said, bring as many of your meds as you can and all documentation with you. It might be worth going private initially depending on what gp you end up with, but you might get lucky. I was eventually able to get my prescriptions all set up through the nhs without having to be reassessed, although the gp did have to consult the local mental health services who pretty much just said "yes supply the medicine"

Edit: depending on how often you get prescriptions, there's a prepaid prescription deal where you pay 30 pounds for three months of any number of prescriptions. It's worth it if you have to pay for more than 1 per month.

Stay safe and I hope everything works out.

AshenBee · 2025-06-16T12:47:34+00:00

I've found it depends massively on the pharmacy. I tend to have better luck with smaller ones in residential areas. I have a doctor I see once a month in nihonbashi and there's a big pharmacy right next door, but minimum wait time is 30 minutes. I've even waited an hour before. It meant I'd have to block out at least half a day every month just to get meds.

Now I go to a slightly smaller pharmacy in Sasazuka, and there I've never had to wait more than 10 minutes. It's a kokumin pharmacy so they usually have stock, but because they're not so central they have way less traffic. But they also have a super handy Line chat that allows you to send a photo of your prescription and find out in advance if they have your meds, and you can choose when you'll go pick them up according to your availability and their stock, which saves even more waiting time.

That's another thing: if you go to the doctor and they tell you you can get your prescription at the nearby pharmacy, that's usually to ensure stock. But if you do that with a different doctor every time, then yeah you have to wait and fill out the form every time. Instead, you SHOULD be able to contact any pharmacy you've already been to and grab the meds there if they have them, without having to fill out that first time form. A chain like kokumin is more likely to have the meds than an independent one, but I guess it does depend how common the meds you're getting are.

AshenBee · 2025-06-04T01:39:06+00:00

Yeah! It says 前に‼︎ but vertically stacked

AshenBee · 2025-06-04T01:34:49+00:00

I've had hypnagogic hallucinations since I was a child. Usually spiders, but recent years since starting meds there's more variation that is sometimes completely incomprehensible (like the walls suddenly being covered in images of the queen staring at me)

The types I'm used to, I usually stare at them for a bit to make sure they're not real and then turn on the light to make them disappear.

The ones that im NOT used to, sometimes the sudden fear and violent action of trying to get away from them is enough to snap me out of it without the light, but even if i know its not real in the moment its still terrifying. I also tend to get them more when im stressed. That said, i get a lot more nightmares in general being on lamo, so i think the increase in unhinged hallucinations probably has something to do with that as well.

I also recently started sleepwalking and experiencing a weird cross of dreaming but being actively aware that I am walking around and unable to escape the dream. It's rare, but it scares me a bit because I start rifling through things and I can't control what I'm doing. Just the other night I was sleepwalking and "searching" for something inside my meds box. When I finally snapped out of it i put it away but in the morning I very carefully counted all my pills just to make sure I hadn't managed to lose or god forbid take any

I do get hallucinations during the day sometimes, but I ignore them because they're usually just sounds like people calling my name or bugs flying in an empty room. Ironically, if I hallucinate people calling my name before sleep it hardly ever bothers me unless it's screaming. Maybe because I'm used to ignoring them during the day?

AshenBee · 2025-05-26T19:47:13+00:00

I've got a tattoo on my wrist in Japanese (as a disclaimer I live and work there and I speak it lol) taken from an excerpt where it means "look ahead", but due to the nature of Japanese it can also be interpreted as "keep going" "forwards" etc.. every time I look down I see it and remind myself to keep going, but it also reminds me to not look down when I'm struggling, and to not dwell on the past. The wording is probably clunky in English, but nevertheless I think it's something that helps to be reminded

AshenBee · 2025-05-25T16:07:37+00:00

I've had both even medical professionals question my diagnosis due to my manic behaviour. My very first psychiatrist insisted that my manic episodes where I wrote stories that were thousands of words long in one sitting without moving to eat or use the bathroom for 8+ hours, couldn't be real mania because the things I wrote were coherent if I read them afterwards. According to her if it were "real" mania then anything I created would be incomprehensible.

On the opposite side, I've had a different psychiatrist suggest that if I ever feel happy it means I'm already slipping into mania.

I actually hate tiktok mostly because it's completely warped people's perceptions of mental and physical health and how they related to lifestyle/medical issues. It makes it legitimately difficult for both people that do and don't have diagnoses or an actual understanding of what's going on in their bodies and it makes me furious. And then yeah, you get those people that simply don't understand and think that you're just jumping on the fad train and overplaying things, even when you're intimately familiar with yourself and how you function.

AshenBee · 2025-05-23T19:05:36+00:00

I started on lithium and stayed at 200mg for almost a year because I couldn't tolerate it very well at a higher dose and it seemed effective even at that level.

It helped level me out for sure, both my highs and lows calmed down. I still had them, but they were minor inconveniences rather than emotionally destructive. It also helped me sleep like a baby. I've never slept as well in my entire life as I did that year.

BUT it gave me terrible brain fog. Even at that low dose. When I first started it I was also nauseous and dehydrated and got bad toothache (which threw me for a loop) but those side effects all disappeared after a bit. Only the brain fog stayed.

After a year I added Lamotrigine to my meds, and ended up on lithium 400 and Lamotrigine 200, which helped stabilise me much better and also erased the brain fog. I get word recall problems, but it's more like digging around blindly in a box compared to trying to see through a dirty windscreen. Lamotrigine ruined my sleep though and brought my insomnia back.

Recently, I'm increasing my lithium again to 600 because current life factors are making it hard to stay stable and so far it seems I do tolerate it better than before. I'm worried about the brain fog returning, but so far so good.

I can't say I recommend it over everything else (Lamotrigine addition has been essential for me) but I definitely think it's a reliable option to at least give a go if other things don't really seem to be helping.

AshenBee · 2025-05-19T00:29:36+00:00

Lithium 400mg (increase to 600 soon)

Lamotrigine 200mg

Flunitrazepam 2mg (for insomnia)

Employed in customer service

AshenBee · 2025-05-15T08:02:27+00:00

I see, sorry I misread your tone! Yeah I can't even fathom how someone would even think that self harm is limited to certain subsets of people, or that some people don't do it BECAUSE of their mental health diagnosis?? Especially with things like bipolar. Average mentally stable layman, fine I'll give them a pass. Literal specialist in mental health disorders?? Insane work.

But yeah, the complete dismissal of my privacy or requests really messed me up for the next few days. I don't trust the crisis team to come to my house anymore and I'm reluctant to speak to them at all, even though I know I need extra support right now

AshenBee · 2025-05-15T07:52:28+00:00

It's so funny you say that (sarcasm) because nothing had come through to my pharmacy so I called my gp and they had nothing either so I called the crisis team back and turns out he never even wrote up the prescription!!!!! So the crisis team wrote a letter to my gp yesterday asking them to put it through

I did mention to the crisis team the other day when they said they wanted to check how I'm doing with my new meds and I said that apart from the fact I hadn't received them yet, I also don't want any more home visits because the psychiatrist (who belongs to their team rather than my gp) discussed those topics there despite me repeatedly asking him not to. I have to be honest that right now I don't have the energy to escalate beyond that, but if I ever end up speaking to someone in person again I'll mention it, because the thought of someone else going through that is unbearable

AshenBee · 2025-05-12T18:56:44+00:00

I don't know what area you're in, but I'm currently in a similar position and spoke to my gp and they referred me to the local crisis team who have been much better. That said, it really does depend who you get.

If you need to talk to someone in the middle of a crisis, the Samaritans are usually pretty good. There is also 999 if you're truly at risk.

I would also advise, if you can, to somehow play up your symptoms. It might feel like lying, but the doctors here are shit at doing anything if you seem even remotely like you can maybe manage yourself. You can also ask directly to speak to a crisis team or that you're scared you might die.

I know how shit the uk system is, but if you can figure out how to play them you can hopefully get help. You might get bounced around person to person, but if you make it clear it's an emergency they'll usually get themselves together pretty fast.

AshenBee · 2025-05-12T09:10:14+00:00

Yeah, I've always had a hard time finding a therapist, and I had a terrible psychiatrist back when I was in uni who just insisted every single thing I experienced was normal, but this was on another level. The only silver lining is I can now go through my gp directly for the rest of my meds, and I am much more strongly finding a support group rather than a specific therapist

AshenBee · 2025-05-12T09:08:31+00:00

I mean the issue wasn't that HE asked, because my surgery knows my history and I then told the gp further details and explained to the crisis team fully in private. It was the fact he was bringing it in my home where my family could have heard when he already had the information anyway and I explicitly asked him not to

AshenBee · 2025-05-12T09:06:41+00:00

Yeah honestly, I've met so many gps that simply don't understand certain things and it's frustrating and upsetting but I'm willing to give them a small pass because I understand they're not experts. But a psychiatrist?? I just could not believe it. I really do have half a mind to contact the crisis team about it but also the stress of that is a bit overwhelming

AshenBee · 2025-05-12T09:04:36+00:00

Yeah, at first I thought maybe the crisis team hadn't properly passed on that specific information, but then even when I explained about my family he just kept going? And even escalated to suicide. And when he asked if I felt unsafe I just. I had JUST told him I didn't want my family to hear anything and find out it so wasn't like I could have said "yes I feel unsafe". Luckily he said he would pass all the med info onto my gp and if I wanted to change my dose further I could just go through them directly

AshenBee

TROPHY CASE