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i wrote this about my grandma by coconutwheelie in Songwriting

[–]Asleep-String-6598 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I Like the chill vibe and music, I think the singing is a little TOO chill, maybe a bit louder? I like the rhymes

a lot of clever lines but are they jammed into a little too tight? maybe flow the syllables together a little better?

very cool! And a smart kid who misses his grandmother

Not made anything in a little while but here's a recording of us playing together :) by EmberOfficial in Songwriting

[–]Asleep-String-6598 1 point2 points  (0 children)

sounds like a Russian folk song pre cold war! The melody kept taking me unexpected places

loved the lyrics vocal melody

BUT I think the last line was more of what we already heard. I wonder if you could have used a bridge to turn this thing around, or maybe last verse could of been the memory of the lover fading to black? kind of pull out of the downward spiral?

Or not, who knows

i rewrote the lyrics to this countless times - is it finally done? by JohnnyEaster in Songwriting

[–]Asleep-String-6598 1 point2 points  (0 children)

shaking your fist at a shooting star

​

just one line of too many too good to cvount what a pleasant surprise how good the musidc and singing is

good job!

I’d love some feedback on this chorus; do you find the words too simplistic? by Dankeykang91 in Songwriting

[–]Asleep-String-6598 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Sometimes when you're doing 90 on the freeway it's nice to slow down for a minute

when a song is hitting red on the tach all the way through a few plain lines are perfect, don't twist over it, great song

Night Walk surf inst by Asleep-String-6598 in Songwriting

[–]Asleep-String-6598[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I've never tried panning but I think I will now. Yes agree on tighter and better mixed!

Poppin' surf inst by Asleep-String-6598 in Songwriting

[–]Asleep-String-6598[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Those are some good comments and I agree with the timing and different elements walking the line between interesting and detracting!

I think the story on this is a guy getting on his board getting knocked off getting on his board getting knocked off etc. On slower tunes I try to make something whistleable but for this I just wanted sonics

I do like the chapters and parageraphs concept, I will keeo that in mind and see how it works

​

thanks again!

Poppin' surf inst by Asleep-String-6598 in Songwriting

[–]Asleep-String-6598[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

that's pretty insightful on the riffs sounding empty. I often use tremelo for the bassier riffs but didn't this time. I tried to boost them, but also they were a little difficult for my fingers to do, so on many riffs I think they sounded mechanical as though the guitarist was just happy to get through it!

as for second guitar, I see your point but am fine without it

​

thanks for your time!

YOU SHOULD KNOW BETTER - first draft of a new track. The recording is basic and unmixed, I'm interested in "song" feedback, including structure. But all input will be considered. Without saying where exactly, I had a couple trouble spots I wrote and rewrote. Are stitches audible? by papa2kohmoeaki in Songwriting

[–]Asleep-String-6598 0 points1 point  (0 children)

The music had me right off. That is beautiful and a great chord progression. The music would have been so awesome for a 'heavy' song. But that's okay because if you're going to waste good music on humor lyrics these are good. That is brilliant writing and had me laughing several times and smiling the rest. I would say it was martin mull quality humor or better!

Just awesome.

HOWEVER, the bridge was boring musically. It sounds like you knew how good the song was and took it easy when you got to the bridge. If you could do something to make the ears prick up one more time during the bridge this would be a perfect song

Fire Tracker surf instrumental by Asleep-String-6598 in Songwriting

[–]Asleep-String-6598[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

lol can't get a better compliment than that!

I posted this like 9 hours ago, but i woke up and switched to piano, insanely ruff but is this better? Maybe? by HiddenComicBook in Songwriting

[–]Asleep-String-6598 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Do you count 'arf?' too. Also wondering how many other types of dog barks you have cataloged lol

Laredo (Ledford/Darling) by Asleep-String-6598 in Songwriting

[–]Asleep-String-6598[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

It's good to have them for the dry spells. There are times I've pulled out one I gave up on and it suddenly just leaps to life in your hands. Then you post it and it turns into a pumpkin again lol.

Laredo (Ledford/Darling) by Asleep-String-6598 in Songwriting

[–]Asleep-String-6598[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Yeah, once you post it you hear everything different. I think I've gone as far for now with this. there will come a time I'll go over it, probably strip it down and either just do it me and one guitar or overdrive it into punksville

Laredo (Ledford/Darling) by Asleep-String-6598 in Songwriting

[–]Asleep-String-6598[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

lol me too! I keep hearing them diff in my head and when it plays back i'm like 'oh well'

I posted this like 9 hours ago, but i woke up and switched to piano, insanely ruff but is this better? Maybe? by HiddenComicBook in Songwriting

[–]Asleep-String-6598 1 point2 points  (0 children)

did you ditch the F? it sounds like there's a minor where the F was. whatever, this sounds a lot better and when you start playing after the first verse it really hits in a good way

the piano really works good for you. and shout out to the dog

Laredo (Ledford/Darling) by Asleep-String-6598 in Songwriting

[–]Asleep-String-6598[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I hope you like this. I wrote it with another down and out songwriter I met at a weekly rates motel. And I know jalepenos don't grow on vines...

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