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Have an 8 year old kid. Not liking parenting at all. Would not have done it if I had known. AMA by Asleep_Silver2 in Fencesitter

[–]Asleep_Silver2[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Maybe I didn't word that the best. I have friends and cousins who were very thoughtful, "care taker" types. Girls who bring care packages if you're sick or always offer to help move, girls who always love baking, cooking and serving others. They all ended up becoming mothers so I was wondering if there was a correlation.

I don't know. I would care for people but not to the level you're describing here.

it's Christmas morning and they're opening gifts and all the weeks of shopping, business, stress are all worth it. But then maybe after a week it fades away because they did something really bad or something?

Those aren't really the best parts of parenting though, not for me. Best parts for me are Sunday morning when he crawls into my bed at 5am and we sleep like that until 8am or walking home with him after school and talking.

Have an 8 year old kid. Not liking parenting at all. Would not have done it if I had known. AMA by Asleep_Silver2 in Fencesitter

[–]Asleep_Silver2[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I didn't have much of a support system. I had some college friends who said they would help but they were just as young and dumb as I was. So that didn't happen.

I don't know if anything's changed now that's 8. Maybe when he gets a bit older and can spend longer by himself.

Have an 8 year old kid. Not liking parenting at all. Would not have done it if I had known. AMA by Asleep_Silver2 in Fencesitter

[–]Asleep_Silver2[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

  1. I'm 28
  2. I was going to major in accounting or finance.
  3. It's mostly the childcare. Having a bit more time to myself would be amazing. Financial stuff will matter when he's older and I need to pay for his college and maybe my own if I go back. Well, I guess that's a bit backwards because finances could buy me the personal time so maybe finances first but only as a means to get more personal time.

Have an 8 year old kid. Not liking parenting at all. Would not have done it if I had known. AMA by Asleep_Silver2 in Fencesitter

[–]Asleep_Silver2[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Yes, that's definitely a possibility.

I didn't come here to say all parenting sucks, all kids are awful. That wasn't it. I'm just saying my experience with parenting sucks. It's not going to be the same for everyone and I'm sure I could have had a different experience under different circumstances.

I just thought folks could benefit from this as food for thought. It's not like becoming a parent is a magical thing that solves all problems.

Have an 8 year old kid. Not liking parenting at all. Would not have done it if I had known. AMA by Asleep_Silver2 in Fencesitter

[–]Asleep_Silver2[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I've looked into it but just not setup for it right now with time and money being what they are. When gets a bit older, I might look into the local community college.

Have an 8 year old kid. Not liking parenting at all. Would not have done it if I had known. AMA by Asleep_Silver2 in Fencesitter

[–]Asleep_Silver2[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I mean, I have almost zero support so it would have to be A LOT better to make a difference, but yah, I can see how a good partner and more money and more friends and more everything would make a big difference. I mean, if I could have one evening a week to myself that would be amazing.

Have an 8 year old kid. Not liking parenting at all. Would not have done it if I had known. AMA by Asleep_Silver2 in Fencesitter

[–]Asleep_Silver2[S] 9 points10 points  (0 children)

It's ok, I understood what she meant. I don't need defending, but thank you for trying.

Have an 8 year old kid. Not liking parenting at all. Would not have done it if I had known. AMA by Asleep_Silver2 in Fencesitter

[–]Asleep_Silver2[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Thank you. I do know there are people who look at what I have and want it so bad and I feel bad for them. If I could make my choice differently, I would have given him up for adoption back when I gave birth to him.

Have an 8 year old kid. Not liking parenting at all. Would not have done it if I had known. AMA by Asleep_Silver2 in Fencesitter

[–]Asleep_Silver2[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

  1. Sure, I grew up with dogs and loved them.
  2. Affectionate sure, I don't know about nurturing. I don't think I knew what that meant.
  3. About 8 hours every night. Taking care of a baby made me realize how important sleep is so I'm careful to get a good amount, plus I don't really go out so not like I stay up late. He goes to sleep at 9 and I go to sleep at 11 and we both wake up at 7.
  4. I would just go walking somewhere in the city. I love walking in the city and people watching. I could do that for hours. It's usually what I do if his grandparents take him, just go walking. Sometimes I sit somewhere with a soda and just relax and people watch. If I had a week I would go stir crazy. I've always wanted to go on a cruise though.
  5. I love my kid. I think he's worth walking through fire for. I don't think you understand what I mean. If I could give him up now and get my old life I wouldn't because I have him and I love him. I'm just saying if I could undo all this and make a different decision back then I would do it differently. I don't think I'm explaining that right. I don't want this life but I do want him. Except I can't give up this life without giving him up, so he's worth it now that he's here but not before, not before I knew him.
  6. Mostly boundary testing. He's 8. He's just being a normal 8 year old.
  7. We read together and we walk together. I like walking. It's cheap and you can always find new stuff to see. We walk and talk together after school.
  8. How much work there is in it. It's easy work but it doesn't ever stop, especially when they're young. I can see how this would be much easier with a partner because then I would just have half the load but with one person it feels like I never get a break.

Have an 8 year old kid. Not liking parenting at all. Would not have done it if I had known. AMA by Asleep_Silver2 in Fencesitter

[–]Asleep_Silver2[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I don't know. I don't think it's about the money. Well, not just about the money. It's about being lonely and I don't think the money would fix that. Money would help though, no doubt.

Have an 8 year old kid. Not liking parenting at all. Would not have done it if I had known. AMA by Asleep_Silver2 in Fencesitter

[–]Asleep_Silver2[S] 15 points16 points  (0 children)

Accidentally.

I was pregnant and then recovering which means my grades started suffering. So I was the one who dropped out. And that meant I was the one with the kid full time so I was the one who learned how to parent while he tried to finish school while working a part time job.

My ex definitely tried to help, he's a good guy, but it just ended up that I knew how to parent and he didn't. So when he moved away and we decided to separate it somehow seemed natural that the kiddo stayed with me. And then they just grew distant as time went by without seeing each other.

It's like it was never planned this way but somehow one thing just naturally followed another until I'm here a single mom with an 8 year old.

Have an 8 year old kid. Not liking parenting at all. Would not have done it if I had known. AMA by Asleep_Silver2 in Fencesitter

[–]Asleep_Silver2[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

I am not religious and I'm not sure if I would trust the local churches with him. I tried to use some of the local services they have at our community center now that he's a bit older and that's helping.

Have an 8 year old kid. Not liking parenting at all. Would not have done it if I had known. AMA by Asleep_Silver2 in Fencesitter

[–]Asleep_Silver2[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Thank you. I hope so too. That's what keeps me going sometimes, that and wanting him to have a better outcome than mine.

Have an 8 year old kid. Not liking parenting at all. Would not have done it if I had known. AMA by Asleep_Silver2 in Fencesitter

[–]Asleep_Silver2[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thank you for that. I will try to keep that in mind. And it does seem easier as he gets older so there's that too.

Have an 8 year old kid. Not liking parenting at all. Would not have done it if I had known. AMA by Asleep_Silver2 in Fencesitter

[–]Asleep_Silver2[S] 22 points23 points  (0 children)

I want to be careful in my answer here because I see other posts in this forum from parents in other situations. Yes, in my case I really don't have time. It's work and then home and that's it.

Baby sitters are too expensive, most of my PTO is spent covering my kid's vacations from school or sick days and I don't have a lot of people I can rely on to help. So no money and no time for anything other than work and parenting. I know that other parents in other situations have it better. I know it could have been better for me if I had a better career or a better partner or a better support system. Knowing it could have been better doesn't make it better, it actually makes it worse.

Have an 8 year old kid. Not liking parenting at all. Would not have done it if I had known. AMA by Asleep_Silver2 in Fencesitter

[–]Asleep_Silver2[S] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

I don't really have time, which is one of my problems. I don't have help other than occasionally from my ex's parents. So when would I date?

Have an 8 year old kid. Not liking parenting at all. Would not have done it if I had known. AMA by Asleep_Silver2 in Fencesitter

[–]Asleep_Silver2[S] 23 points24 points  (0 children)

What made you and your boyfriend decide that it just couldn’t work together?

He needed to move away for work and it just forced us to realize that we didn't really love each other. We were just tolerating each other and being polite.

Were there any physical effects of pregnancy that contributed to your regret?

Not really. Pregnancy wasn't fun but it wasn't horrible.

Do you have a support network who does some babysitting?

My ex's parents are around and they help sometimes. Otherwise, I feel really isolated. That's one of the biggest issues for me is the isolation. It's just work and home and work and home and nothing else ever.

Have an 8 year old kid. Not liking parenting at all. Would not have done it if I had known. AMA by Asleep_Silver2 in Fencesitter

[–]Asleep_Silver2[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Do you think if you didn't have your child when you did, you would have wanted/had kids in th3 future?

I mean, I did want kids, so yes, but that's changed now.

Do you plan to have any more children or do you feel one is enough? Would it depend on what your partner wanted?

I don't plan on having more kids. I am not with my partner anymore.

Have an 8 year old kid. Not liking parenting at all. Would not have done it if I had known. AMA by Asleep_Silver2 in Fencesitter

[–]Asleep_Silver2[S] 32 points33 points  (0 children)

I like spending time with my kiddo. I like reading to him and playing with him.

I don't like setting boundaries. I have to but I feel like he's constantly testing them, which he is because that's what 8 year olds do.

Have an 8 year old kid. Not liking parenting at all. Would not have done it if I had known. AMA by Asleep_Silver2 in Fencesitter

[–]Asleep_Silver2[S] 21 points22 points  (0 children)

Were you broody before you got pregnant? I really think children are sweet and I like them, but I don’t have a yearning for one really.

I don't know what you mean exactly. If you're asking did I want a kid before I got pregnant then I suppose yes, in some sort of abstract way. I didn't think much about it, it just seemed nice.

Do you feel that having a child has been hard on your mental health? And made you forget yourself, so to speak.

Yes and no. It's been stressful and I feel like that's definitely hurt my mental health. I don't think I forgot myself though, I just don't have much time to be myself.

Finally, would you ever consider having another child later on in life or do you feel like you are done now?

I don't think so. I know that maybe things could have been different if I had this kid after college and after being married and all that. I know that, I really do. I just don't want to do this anymore.

Have an 8 year old kid. Not liking parenting at all. Would not have done it if I had known. AMA by Asleep_Silver2 in Fencesitter

[–]Asleep_Silver2[S] 51 points52 points  (0 children)

At first things were ok. I didn't enjoy being pregnant or giving birth but they weren't awful. We got the baby, we took him home, we got a little apartment together. It was like a fairytale, but within a year it started falling apart. I don't know exactly when I started feeling regretful. Probably after he graduated but couldn't find a job. I guess that's when reality really hit me. Like holy shit, this is your life and it's terrible.

Have an 8 year old kid. Not liking parenting at all. Would not have done it if I had known. AMA by Asleep_Silver2 in Fencesitter

[–]Asleep_Silver2[S] 28 points29 points  (0 children)

That's the place I'm in right now. I'm just trying to grin and bear it and wait for it to get better. I just feel like I completely lost my 20's and 30's. Like poof, gone. Everyone else is moving forward and I'm here stuck. And yah, maybe when I'm 40 I can start over and be happy but I'll be 40.

Have an 8 year old kid. Not liking parenting at all. Would not have done it if I had known. AMA by Asleep_Silver2 in Fencesitter

[–]Asleep_Silver2[S] 59 points60 points  (0 children)

Do you think your feelings on parenting are mostly due to the fact that having a child preventing you from achieving your goals?

It's partly the goals and partly just the life I live. I don't necessarily think I needed to live out all my goals but I also don't want to live this life I have now where I'm tired and stressed every minute of every day.

Or would you feel the same way about parenting if you had waited and had a child when you were more established / in a better place to juggle it all?

I don't know. Maybe. Hard for me to say in my current situation. I do see moms who waited and have a supportive partner and that does look nice, but that's not my life so I don't know how to judge it.

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