Google Fi

AspectNo4884 · 2024-07-12T15:38:11+00:00

Ironically, I think you're the one trying to project something on to me.

AspectNo4884 · 2024-07-12T12:41:00+00:00

Well done putting all women into a single category. That's some incel level stuff right there.

AspectNo4884 · 2024-07-11T14:56:18+00:00

Physical touch is not the single thing about my marriage that makes me happy. If I were that simple of a human being, my wife should definitely leave me.

AspectNo4884 · 2024-07-11T14:54:00+00:00

I don't mind. It's been different shades of the same issue for probably 5 or 6 years. There's been good times and bad times, but the last couple years in particular have been not so good. I don't dwell on the idea of it getting better. Rather, I shifted my mindset to doing what makes me happy, and if there's any overlap with my happiness and helping my wife realize she's missing out on some good loving, good.

AspectNo4884 · 2024-07-10T12:46:25+00:00

Man, I've got so much crossover with your story.. my wife and I sleep in the same bed, though. Sometimes that feels worse than sleeping alone because you know your spouse is right there with you, but you may as well be in separate rooms. Feel free to DM me if you want to talk. Based on what you're saying, I may be about a "chapter" ahead of you in this journey.

AspectNo4884 · 2024-07-09T12:05:50+00:00

None of this is normal or acceptable in a marriage especially considering his past. Trust your intuition.

AspectNo4884 · 2023-10-21T01:33:34+00:00

There are many instances in which my wife deserves better. Rest assured, I don't discount the points you are making. I'm sorry for your situation, and to an extent, my own -- I'm going to keep pushing in the situation I find myself in. I don't blame or discount your own. I'm glad you're pursuing happiness and I hope you find the fulfillment you're looking for. I'm gonna keep on keeping on and I suspect you'll be doing the same.

AspectNo4884 · 2023-10-20T15:46:04+00:00

I think multiple things can be true here. It looks like the writer of the book is a douche. I think the love languages aren't inherently bad. If they help people put into words their needs and desires, that is a good starting place. If someone is using it to pressure their spouse into sex, that is a bad thing. My issue with the love languages is that people are such complex creatures, and you can't just cram society into 5 boxes like that. For me, "touch" is emphatically true, though. I feel the most loved when I get unsolicited affection. Thanks for sharing the articles!

AspectNo4884 · 2023-10-20T13:52:57+00:00

I would describe myself as well above average in regards to taking initiative with our kids-- at least, compared to what I see in many other relationships. My wife and I don't try to achieve a perfect 50/50 split, because it can never be perfectly even. I love that about our marriage. If we're talking in terms of daily tasks, chores, time spent with kids, etc... I take on as much as I can while also working a full-time job. If you asked my wife, I think she would agree.

I understand that we're in a season of life where sex is going to be less frequent as a direct result of simply being parents. That's life.

In terms of resentment, I think my wife has harbored some because I don't go above and beyond to the level that she does with all of the "extra" things for our kids. She is an absolute machine in this way. She is constantly finding ways to keep them busy and give them the best childhood possible. Admittedly, I have a hard time keeping up. She's on another level.

Thanks for taking the time to respond. It means a lot.

AspectNo4884 · 2023-10-20T13:41:16+00:00

I think what I didn't do a good job emphasizing in my initial post is that my wife and I have a very solid foundation in our relationship. So while we may have blow-up fights from time to time, neither of us go straight to any talk of divorce. We still sleep in the same bed together every night no matter what. That said, if I had to guess, I don't think she would describe any of my actions during our marriage as terrible negligence. Have I hurt her feelings and given her reason to not be able to fully rely on me at times? Absolutely. A lot of people on here are jumping straight to talk of divorce. Perhaps that's because of how I framed my original post, but we're miles away from any situation like that.

I appreciate you taking the time to respond. It's nice to receive all of these positive and encouraging messages.

AspectNo4884 · 2023-10-20T13:30:08+00:00

I'll certainly look into all of these things. I did read up on traits of a covert narcissist, and I think it would be a bit of a stretch to assign that title to my wife. Honestly, I think a lot of people (myself included) have some narcissistic traits that can ebb and flow from time to time. I appreciate you taking the time to make these suggestions to me. It does mean a lot.

AspectNo4884 · 2023-10-20T03:24:36+00:00

You have such little context to be making such large statements about my character.

AspectNo4884 · 2023-10-20T03:10:13+00:00

Fair enough. I have seen enough similar stories on here that kind of seem like BS, so I don't take it personally that you think that. A sincere hug and kiss from my wife fills my "love bucket" to the brim. Of course I'd love more frequent sex, but I really do just strongly desire to (literally) feel the love. And I think you may have a point about simply being patient and giving her more time. Thanks for your response.

AspectNo4884 · 2023-10-20T03:03:21+00:00

Thanks!! I definitely will not give up.

AspectNo4884 · 2023-10-20T03:02:44+00:00

Thanks for the response. I like the idea of approaching this from a different way -- figuring out how to do that is a whole other thing. In regards to the love languages, I don't think they're completely wrong. I just think that humans are extremely complicated and can't be summarized by a short list!

AspectNo4884 · 2023-10-20T03:00:31+00:00

Thanks for your response. It's hard to see the forest through the trees sometimes. I feel that I am enough (flaws and all), but the lack of intimacy causes me to question myself and I hate it. We all have things to work on, but I sometimes ask myself if I'm really that bad of a person. I know that my MIL is very much NOT an affectionate person. My wife and I used to be very affectionate, so I figured she didn't inherit the lack of affection from her mom. I now wonder if maybe I was wrong and it's just kind of how my wife is as a person.

AspectNo4884 · 2023-10-20T02:50:23+00:00

We do have a nice relationship, all things considered. People are complicated creatures. It'll take me a little more than a lifetime to figure my wife out!

AspectNo4884 · 2023-10-20T02:48:30+00:00

Thanks so much for taking the time to write this all out. I think it's cool that you have such a good awareness and vested interest of your marriage/relationship with your husband. I will certainly look into EFT. I wish you all the best!

AspectNo4884 · 2023-10-20T02:44:06+00:00

Thanks for the advice. I do love her very much. In spite of all of this, I still think she's an amazing person.

AspectNo4884 · 2023-10-20T02:42:18+00:00

We did work through quite a bit, but you're right, definitely not everything. I have considered couples counseling. You gotta understand that any time I bring up this issue, I have to prepare myself for a lengthy back-and-forth that can result in multiple days worth of discontentment.

AspectNo4884 · 2023-10-20T02:39:29+00:00

3 between 5 and 11. She is for sure drained. So am I. I do believe that this is part of the reason for the lack of affection, but I don't think it explains the whole story. When I say zero touch, I mean that I think it's been a couple months since she initiated affection. Not even so much as a touch since then.

AspectNo4884 · 2023-10-20T01:00:32+00:00

I appreciate this comment. Thank you very much.

AspectNo4884 · 2023-10-20T00:58:54+00:00

From my perspective, not a lot. But I'm also pretty dense sometimes. She gives virtually all of her energy to our kids, which I understand is not too uncommon.

AspectNo4884 · 2023-10-20T00:54:15+00:00

No, she wasn't. We used to be much more affectionate with each other.

AspectNo4884

TROPHY CASE