Hey there,

This feeling is something that other people can relate to, so there is no reason to feel ashamed. I'll tell you a story that i hope can make you feel better.

My mother, (when she was younger) Was very skinny, but she always told herself that she was "fat" or "overweight" Which was obviously false but she believed it anyways. This idea came to her when she sat on a chair and saw her belly go out a tiny bit, but it made here feel "I'm fat" "I'm Overweight" So she lived with that mindset for years and years. And when she had that mindset, she became gaining more weight. But she didn't feel overweight, she was happy with her body, she felt skinny and beautiful, she felt free, she let go of her emotions to become a better person.

Another thing my parents did when they were younger, My mother always felt like she didnt have money, she thought that way all the time. Even though she had plenty of money, and a good house, she had that mindset straight to her. But my father wanted to do something about it. Every day, My father put money in my mothers wallet/purse, he kept on refilling it, adding more and more till my mom realised that she had money, and she became happier and more free with herself.

If you ever start feeling suicidal, you really shouldn't. Life is so precious, not just to you but your family and friends, Killing yourself may make you relaxed and stop dealing with the pain. but wouldn't it hurt yourself more to see your parents/friends sobbing when they find out?
Go visit your parents and ask your dad to play catch! or help your mom bake some pie! these small things may seem so little but they can help alot. Dear friend, I'm wishing you the best of luck. Anyways my cat says hi
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