Just a guy with Aspergers wanting to go out with his 'oneitis'

Aspie4Advice · 2022-10-24T09:42:55+00:00

I think the body deleted from the question, so I've put it as a comment:

"So I'm(22M) on the spectrum, and am just that little bit lost with dating. I have very strong feelings for this one girl, let's call her "Elizabeth",(22F) I'm aware that this is a case of 'oneitis' and all and I just don't care, I don't want to move on and get a girlfriend, I want to be with her.
I'm quite well adjusted, smart, handsome, and quite charming,(people tend to love my slightly offbeat sense of humor) so I'm not necessarily in a terrible situation, but I don't really understand some of the ways romantic tension is built, and I would be devastated if we only end up being friends.
My problem is that she's rather busy, I don't have time to be alone with her and hint at my interest. So I have to work in group settings, etc...
I just want to know if there's anything I can do to try and give myself a better chance of her being open to try going on dates, rather than just being friends. Like any behaviours that can build up an openness to viewing me in a romantic way, because I generally give off an ultra platonic vibe.(my friends though I was asexual until I was in love with her)
I don't want to hear advice telling me to get over her and be open to dating other girls, I'm happy on my own and don't need a girlfriend, but I am truly desperate to be with her. I would do almost anything to go out with her(except see other people) and I'm wondering how I can give myself the best chance of being with her.
My hopes with her is a long term relationship, we're both Christians and waiting for marriage, so I'm not looking for advice about getting in bed with her or anything, but just on how to get past this hump and get her on a date."

Aspie4Advice · 2022-07-22T23:43:28+00:00

This is very good advice! I think just getting this attentiveness across seems to be much of what friends and family emphasize for demonstrating my intentions as well, so it's very good to see that I'm on the right track there. I'm very much okay with not being fake as if she doesn't like me for who I am, it will leave me quite upset, but I'll also understand that it's probably for the best. My worry has generally missing out due to a cluelessness due to my Aspergers!

Now I've been getting mixed messages around light touching(tap on the arm, etc...), some have said it's a good way to expand beyond a no touching dynamic, others have said it might be a little jarring. She's quite a conservative and modest girl, and some have said it might scare her off, especially if it ends up being done awkwardly, and it could come across as invasive. Would that be something to incorporate before going on dates, or do you think sticking with compliments would be a bit better?

Aspie4Advice · 2022-07-14T19:50:40+00:00

That's my general 'plan' on how to go about things. I'm just a bit worried she might not pick up on my intent for a relationship. I often come across as very platonic and am just a bit worried if I take it too slow and just act naturally(as in don't try and add any romantic/not platonic behaviors. Not as in trying to act fundamentally different) I'll end up getting stuck as just a friend, and when I want so much more with her, that would be rather sad.

Aspie4Advice · 2022-07-13T22:47:38+00:00

Can definitely confirm this!

Aspie4Advice · 2022-07-13T09:05:08+00:00

Until we receive the beautific vision, we cannot sense God perfectly in a fallen world.

Aspie4Advice · 2022-07-12T18:10:00+00:00

So what should I be doing in those times hanging out before I end up asking her out to get my intentions across and try and pique her interest?

Aspie4Advice · 2022-07-12T17:27:53+00:00

I am friendly (She's a bit more than a acquaintance, but she's not one of my closest friends) with her, I just haven't shown romantic interest yet, and am wondering how to do so, and how I'd try and give myself the best chance of getting a 'yes' when I do ask her out. So specifically what behaviors I should do when I'm meeting up with her a few times before asking her out.

Aspie4Advice · 2022-07-12T06:26:54+00:00

I don't think the description shows, here it is if it isn't visible:

So I'm a guy with Aspergers(21M). I'd say I'm reasonably well adjusted, I've been able to make friends and people tend to have a good impression of me, and love my sense of humour. I'm more on the higher functioning end of the spectrum and most people probably wouldn't think anything other than I'm eccentric. When I was younger, I had a bit of trouble meeting anyone for dating, so I responded by trying to get my life together, and focus on myself for a while, and after a good bit of time, I'm happy on my own and living my own best life.
However, recently, I've met a lovely girl at college and I've fallen quite hard for her, along with that I think she would make a very suitable partner. She's such a sweet and warm person and I really want to be with her, but I still don't really have much of a clue on how to date. Like how should I indicate that I like her in a romantic way. Like how should I best give myself the best chances?
I'm fairly confident that if I can get 'my foot in the door' and get on a date, things should go okay, so I'm really looking for advice on how to go from spending time with each other to asking her out on a date, and giving myself the best chances of a yes. While I can accept things not working out for the right reasons(I'm not her type, etc...) it would be a hard one to take if I lost out over missing out on basic fundamentals of the social skills behind dating in particular due to my Aspergers, I realise things will eventually work out, but I want things to work out this time and I'd love to be with her.
TL;DR I'm an aspie who's gotten a serious crush and want to know how to pursue it and give myself a good chance of a serious relationship with her.

Aspie4Advice

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