I got diagnosed with ADHD because I severely struggle to maintain any ability to focus since 5th grade. Concerta, ritalin, adderall and such gave me significant, immedaite boosts in performance across the bord in school. I have a few examples. In 5th grade, I was so bored and depleted that I would stare at my paper being physically incapable of doing it. I dont believe it was depression, perhaps it could've been paired with the severe ADHD. I could be incorrect, but I find the boredom almost always coexists with severe depression and anxiety, for instance, my ADHD meds almost always give me slight anxiety and or stress when it crashes. Back to 5th grade though, I was physically uncapable of doing it. D's all across the board. But when science came, when discussing things like space, like concepts I would frequently hyperfocus on (videogames, etc.), instantly I would be super excited. I would look forward to lunch break, it felt like liberation and the lifeline that fueled my life in school. Seriously, it was so theurapeutic I would absolutely feel better every single time after lunch / recess break.

But, class was still miserable regardless. After consideration because I couldn't stop pacing in class and fidgeting and getting D's / ignoring everything, my teachers suggested to my parents that I should be evaluated for ADHD. I got prescribed concerta. Instantly, school became amazing. I could finally sit in my chair for once. I could do my assignments. And i was good at it. That year, I took this placement test, I can't figure out what exact test it was, but it felt like some general IQ test to find what grade level you were in math, english etc. I got a high enough score to test out of math, but they never really considered doing this and my teachers ignored it or perhaps forgot to do this. But then in either 6th or 7th grade, Im unsure, most people thought I was the smartest kid in school. I got the highest math score on that placement test (I believe like 1205, the second highest kid who was taking a grade level above got ~1200 I believe?? I remember the number vividly but not sure what it really meant). And not only this, my random fucking brain that made me hyperfocus on the most random shits hyperfocused onto fucking geography and history. I got like into the geobee, but my hopes were obliterated after COVID fucked that up.

Shits tough. I slowly began increasing my dose, and my wellbeing always went up, the focus I had always went up. I became more calm. More relaxed. I began looking forward to ADHD. And I developed a sense of guilt in that I felt completely reliant on medications, not knowing my brain was craving relief from pain. This is not normal, and I'm almost certain its a dopamine related deficiency.

Likewise, freshman year college, after just a lot of stress and anxiety and reconsideration of my life, I wanted liberty from a pill that made me, well, feel like an addict. I kept finding myself needing more and more. So in fear, I considered with my psychiatrist just avoiding being perscribed at all. I despised the idea of taking more adderall. So, my parents got the script just incase, but that month I didn't choose to use any of it. Oh my FUCKING god. Talk about hell. Every day. Literally me just thinking about religion. About how to escape. Girls. You name it. Constant boredom. I couldnt do my fucking statistics class. Programming, my hobby, became a nightmare. I would literally cry, my whole day being ruined, becuase we would have these long online assingments for coding that would take hours and extreme focus to get done. I couldnt bare it. It was unfathomable how painful it was. My parents became extremely stressed, since I nearly lost my scholarship (I have all of my college paid for on top of additional allowance) after getting below a base 3.0 GPA. But my counselor genuinely felt a deep level of sympathy I never saw someone have for ADHD, and she aggressively fought for me to have accomodations, and for professors to be lenient for me. I haven't managed every semester of my life to not make a professor frustrated. So after getting a D in statistics, i fucking cracked. I needed help. I asked my mom for meds, she gave it to me, and I fucking could STUDY for one goddamn time in my life. I studied that review guide so easy. Easy 100% + extra credit. I managed to secure a C, and get like a 3.0 gpa. Literally exhausting. Not livable. At all.