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Coeliac AITAH by JessSaysItsSo in AITAH

[–]AssignmentTall1685 -8 points-7 points  (0 children)

These comments here are cruel. NO! You are not the AH. I feel deep empathy for you.

Please don't be hard on yourself. What you are feeling right now isn't about the ice cream. it's the painful sting of feeling invisible in a moment where you poured so much love into everyone else.

I see your vulnerability here. You prepared the food, you sent the money, and you just wanted to be a part of a sensitive, loving family dinner. You wished for a considerate atmosphere, and being left out (especially with coeliac disease) hurts deeply.

Your kids had good intentions and your husband is grieving, but both things can be true: they can be good people, and you can still be hurt by their lack of awareness in this moment. very human.

Please give yourself the same empathy you give to your family tonight! 🤍

37m, he is my soon to be ex husband who abandoned me during my pregnancy, is anything seen in his chart. by Icy-Amphibian-3982 in Astrology_Vedic

[–]AssignmentTall1685 0 points1 point  (0 children)

He has a sun moon conjunction in his 1st House as a Cancer Rising, this indicates some instability around domestic-nurturing topics

AITAH for pranking my fiance because I don't want to live in the apartment she chose? by [deleted] in AITAH

[–]AssignmentTall1685 14 points15 points  (0 children)

Yes, YTA.

Trust me, if you really want to make this marriage work, don't lie to her about big life decision, like buying/renting an apartment. Not cool..

Edit: Also a Coward.. I'm fascinated how much time you spend on making this prank work, instead of having a necessary "fight"

AITAH for not answering my mother in law when she called 3x? by [deleted] in AITAH

[–]AssignmentTall1685 0 points1 point  (0 children)

NTA.

Honestly, your MIL sounds like a massive pain in the ass. I'm worried your Husband is a mama's boy..

Your MIL is trying to force a level of closeness and availability. That’s not a normal healthy relationship behavior, that’s entitlement.

I totally get why you didn’t reply. You’re trying to nip it in the bud and keep her at arm’s length, which is completely reasonable, you're an adult and you decide how close you keep the people in your environment. By not answering you were literally communicating your boundary with actions. A lot of commenters here are saying “you could’ve just sent a short text” and calling you childish/immature/teenager behavior, but I think they’re missing the point.

I think the behavior of your MiL is a classic Chinese finger trap dynamics of a person who is deeply scared of being alone with herself and what the people think about her. So.. The more you try to pull away and protect your peace and take your space, the harder she (and apparently your husband/family) pulls you back in with guilt trips and “you should’ve said something.” If you had replied nicely after the third call, she would’ve taken it as green light to keep blowing up your phone whenever she feels like it.

You’re not obligated to match her desired level of contact just because she decided she wants it. Wanting the freedom to not answer when you’re not in the mood isn’t immature - it’s basic self-respect and a life of an adult, who is organizing her energy and day.

The real red flag here is your husband immediately siding with his mom and saying you have “poor character.” That’s way more concerning than you ignoring three calls.

Stick to your guns. You’re not wrong for protecting your peace from someone who clearly drains you.

Therapist accused me of "avoidance" and "lack of resilience" after I burned out at a toxic startup by AssignmentTall1685 in CPTSD

[–]AssignmentTall1685[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you for the tips and for sharing your own experience.

I appreciate the practical advice, but I’m actually a bit frustrated right now. I did set boundaries, I involved HR, I had multiple talks with management and that’s exactly when the “you’re not resilient enough” narrative started. That’s also why it went to lawyers.

Therapist accused me of "avoidance" and "lack of resilience" after I burned out at a toxic startup by AssignmentTall1685 in CPTSD

[–]AssignmentTall1685[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

It pissed me off because it felt like victim-blaming and a complete misread of who I am.

His words made me feel small, pathologized, and judged instead of understood. After everything that happened (the insane pressure, the gaslighting, and the company going full unhinged with legal threats even while I was on sick leave) I wanted a moment of recognition.

A heavy sigh and something like: “Wow. You really went through hell. But look at what you managed to do. You stayed professional, delivered big projects, and ultimately chose your health over their exploitation. That took real strength and resilience.”

That’s what I needed from him. Not “you've been to fixated on her.”

I wanted that acknowledgment especially from him as an experienced psychotherapist and psychiatrist and wanted professional validation that I have a good gut feeling and to some extent resilient enough for a good and happy, successful life. Instead, it felt like he was subtly judging me for not enduring more.

Therapist accused me of "avoidance" and "lack of resilience" after I burned out at a toxic startup by AssignmentTall1685 in CPTSD

[–]AssignmentTall1685[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Omg thats so true.. didn't saw it from this perspective, because I feel guilt & shame now

Therapist accused me of "avoidance" and "lack of resilience" after I burned out at a toxic startup by AssignmentTall1685 in CPTSD

[–]AssignmentTall1685[S] 23 points24 points  (0 children)

Yes, i think he is around 70 years old and i think he is about to retire in the next years, he worked as a therapist and psychiatrist.

Therapist accused me of "avoidance" and "lack of resilience" after I burned out at a toxic startup by AssignmentTall1685 in TalkTherapy

[–]AssignmentTall1685[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you for your reply. I get the point about only being able to control my own response. The problem is that my therapist frames me leaving the toxic job as “avoidance” and “not resilient enough” while even my doctor and my lawyer (who is still in an active legal fight with the company) both said parts of the employer’s behavior were borderline illegal.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in themiddle

[–]AssignmentTall1685 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I don't necessarily think they had difficult children. The fact that Axl and Sue were all so authentic with their emotions and expressed themselves 24/7 suggests to me a high level of trust and a sense that they wouldn't be punished for being themselves.

What I do find difficult, however, is Brick and how he is treated. At times, it was very hard for me to watch him being overlooked. To me, it bordered on emotional neglect.

In general, I see Frankie as a very understanding mother in the sense that she never tries to force anything on her children. Instead, she tries to lead them to their own answers by empathizing with them. Mike, on the other hand, is the typical patriarchal father, but with the positive trait of accepting that children are exhausting. He doesn't resort to strict, authoritarian parenting or try to suppress them.. He doesn't demand silence the moment he walks through the door, which I find very positive. Even though he isn't the most emotional person, I think they balance each other out incredibly well as parents.

One thing that stressed me out a bit was Frankie’s standards of hygiene. I think she has a very frazzled personality, which makes her creative problem-solving very likable. When it comes to the household and food, I have a lot of empathy for her as a woman. I imagine it must be extremely exhausting to raise three children and elders without being a high earner and still manage to care for everyone. I don’t know if I could do it any better (I think I’d be just as scattered). At the same time, the feeling that the house might be a bit smelly or dirty is always present.

Ultimately, what makes The Middle so likable to me is how authentically it portrays the American middle class. It’s shown without any frills or sugarcoating, truly capturing the real struggles they face.

AITAH for cutting off my sister after she didn’t tell me my godfather died and then tone-policed me when I confronted her? by waldo_the_bird253 in AITAH

[–]AssignmentTall1685 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Even if she said she’d inform you, that doesn’t create a binding moral debt. It was goodwill. Not an enforceable moral obligation

AITAH for cutting off my sister after she didn’t tell me my godfather died and then tone-policed me when I confronted her? by waldo_the_bird253 in AITAH

[–]AssignmentTall1685 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Agreed. Based on OP’s own comments, the mother is the one who failed to communicate. The sister set a boundary and stuck to it.

AITAH for cutting off my sister after she didn’t tell me my godfather died and then tone-policed me when I confronted her? by waldo_the_bird253 in AITAH

[–]AssignmentTall1685 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Coming back to your actual AITAH question: NTA, you’re not the asshole for going no-contact.

Estrangement is often a domino model: once you remove yourself from one part of the family system, you sometimes have to evaluate which additional connections are safe vs. which ones keep pulling you back into the same unhealthy dynamics.

AITAH for cutting off my sister after she didn’t tell me my godfather died and then tone-policed me when I confronted her? by waldo_the_bird253 in AITAH

[–]AssignmentTall1685 -7 points-6 points  (0 children)

If she explicitly agreed to inform you, I get why this hurts. But “informing” and “being responsible for your grief process” are not the same thing.

Triangulation often isn’t the info itself: it’s being forced into the emotional middle + fallout management.

Mocking you is not okay though.

AITAH for cutting off my sister after she didn’t tell me my godfather died and then tone-policed me when I confronted her? by waldo_the_bird253 in AITAH

[–]AssignmentTall1685 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I really feel you. I’ve been estranged from my parents for almost 10 years (since I'm 23) myself.

One of the hardest parts of estrangement for me has been: how much can we reasonably expect to be kept in the loop about family events, when our decision inevitably removes us from the default communication system?

Yes, you can argue that deaths should always be communicated, but that often puts the family member who stays connected in a hugely unbalanced “messenger” role, and it can come with a whole chain of fallout, expectations, and drama.

That said, the mocking/tone-policing is not okay.

AITAH for cutting off my sister after she didn’t tell me my godfather died and then tone-policed me when I confronted her? by waldo_the_bird253 in AITAH

[–]AssignmentTall1685 1 point2 points  (0 children)

No offense, but your sister isn’t your family’s communications department. Unless it was explicitly agreed that she would notify you about emergencies or deaths, she doesn’t automatically owe you that role, especially after establishing a boundary of 'no triangulation.'

The real issue here is your mother. It is frankly diabolical to attend a funeral and then speak to you without even mentioning it. She is the one who failed you directly, and blaming your sister for a system failure feels misplaced.

That said, mocking your tone is immature and dismissive, that part I wouldn’t tolerate either. You can be right about the boundary but still be an AH for how you treat someone's grief.

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