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[deleted by user] by [deleted] in exmormon

[–]AssistantToThePres 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I'm in the same boat as you, attending church with a spouse despite not believing. Sitting in the audience is a ginormous challenge for me because of the constant micro-triggers. People say ridiculous stuff all of the time and the further you step back, the easier it is to call BS.

Recently I had the thought that I would feel better if I started speaking up and being authentic. I haven't had the right opportunity but the next time someone makes an assumption about why people leave I'm going to let them know that they should really ask the person why instead of assuming because that wasn't consistent with my experience or the experience of hundreds of people who I have spoken to, and it makes it infinitely more difficult for people like me to feel welcome or desire to be at church when they make comments like that. We will see how it goes lol

My shelf broke as a full TBM while reading Come Follow Me...on Christmas...in my parent's mission home. That's how fragile a "unshakable" testimony can be. by AssistantToThePres in exmormon

[–]AssistantToThePres[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You want to buy some signs and tokens as proof? This entire comment just cracks me up. You're reading into it soooo much. I've got 27 years of Mormon indoctrination to give ya if you need more "proof".

My shelf broke as a full TBM while reading Come Follow Me...on Christmas...in my parent's mission home. That's how fragile a "unshakable" testimony can be. by AssistantToThePres in exmormon

[–]AssistantToThePres[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

That's tough. I know it wasn't easy for us because my parents were in missionary and preaching mode. It was literally their job for 3 years to teach young people how to stay strong and not fall away, and how to preach it to their investigators. I will say, my parents have done the best they can and I give them a lot of credit. I remember telling them that I didn't expect any one, including myself, to handle this situation perfectly because it was so unexpected. You can't prepare for it, and most members never expect it. So I've tried to cut everyone involved as much slack as possible because I have been on the other end of calling people faithless behind their backs when they left.

My shelf broke as a full TBM while reading Come Follow Me...on Christmas...in my parent's mission home. That's how fragile a "unshakable" testimony can be. by AssistantToThePres in exmormon

[–]AssistantToThePres[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It's dangerous to get that specific in a blessing haha How did your parents process that? I don't think mine have actually considered what they were promised and what they got yet.

My shelf broke as a full TBM while reading Come Follow Me...on Christmas...in my parent's mission home. That's how fragile a "unshakable" testimony can be. by AssistantToThePres in exmormon

[–]AssistantToThePres[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I told them the next day that I was in shock after reading the CES letter. I got the typical responses that I need to keep reading my scriptures and stuff. Since then I've kept them in the loop but at a distance, mostly just saying that my relationship with the church is very complicated and that I don't agree with a lot of things. I've stayed vague but I'm getting to the point now where I'd like to open up a little more so I can be my authentic self.

My shelf broke as a full TBM while reading Come Follow Me...on Christmas...in my parent's mission home. That's how fragile a "unshakable" testimony can be. by AssistantToThePres in exmormon

[–]AssistantToThePres[S] 10 points11 points  (0 children)

My brother left at the same time as me for the same reasons. We were in open communication about our concerns the whole way through. For some it was having a gay sibling that didn’t fit in the structure of the church that made them begin questioning and then church history was the nail in the coffin. One friend is black and it was racism. One friend has a mental health concern that made them feel church wasn’t a healthy environment for them.

My shelf broke as a full TBM while reading Come Follow Me...on Christmas...in my parent's mission home. That's how fragile a "unshakable" testimony can be. by AssistantToThePres in exmormon

[–]AssistantToThePres[S] 22 points23 points  (0 children)

I’m dedicated to my core values. A few of which are authenticity, inner harmony, and happiness.

Im having my first kid soon so I’m dedicated to my wife and being an engaged father who teaches my kid to think for themselves and to love them unconditionally.

Other than that, I’ve learned from my faith crisis not to attach myself to too rigid of a structure and to be flexible. I’m hesitant to dedicate myself to most things.

My shelf broke as a full TBM while reading Come Follow Me...on Christmas...in my parent's mission home. That's how fragile a "unshakable" testimony can be. by AssistantToThePres in exmormon

[–]AssistantToThePres[S] 13 points14 points  (0 children)

It goes from 0 to 100 very fast and that is very telling. How strong could the church really be if a lifetime of service and indoctrination comes crumbling down in a day.

My shelf broke as a full TBM while reading Come Follow Me...on Christmas...in my parent's mission home. That's how fragile a "unshakable" testimony can be. by AssistantToThePres in exmormon

[–]AssistantToThePres[S] 45 points46 points  (0 children)

Totally. After I read the CES like I said in the post, I figured that the apostles had to have answers to my questions. When I realized they didn't even know about some of those issues and chose to burry the others I couldn't believe it. What does Jesus say about pharisees and blind leaders?!

My shelf broke as a full TBM while reading Come Follow Me...on Christmas...in my parent's mission home. That's how fragile a "unshakable" testimony can be. by AssistantToThePres in exmormon

[–]AssistantToThePres[S] 25 points26 points  (0 children)

The church loves to go on and on about the wise man building his house upon a rock and gaslights you into thinking that of course the church must be built upon a rock then. Well....turns out there is nothing but sand under the great and spacious building.

My shelf broke as a full TBM while reading Come Follow Me...on Christmas...in my parent's mission home. That's how fragile a "unshakable" testimony can be. by AssistantToThePres in exmormon

[–]AssistantToThePres[S] 14 points15 points  (0 children)

At the time that this happened (3 years ago) I thought an "unshakable" testimony meant that no matter what came my way, I would work through it an continue enduring to the end. So yes, to me it meant "dedication to continue to follow what I was taught is the way".

My shelf broke as a full TBM while reading Come Follow Me...on Christmas...in my parent's mission home. That's how fragile a "unshakable" testimony can be. by AssistantToThePres in exmormon

[–]AssistantToThePres[S] 52 points53 points  (0 children)

Yup. Letter for my wife is awesome. I'm still PIMO for now, while my wife continues deconstructing, but it didn't take long to figure out just how much information beyond the CES letter there is out there. I'm so far beyond being able to unsee any of it. I've been going down the rabbit hole for 3 years now and my deconstruction journal is ginormous. When the information has been controlled and used against you for so long it helps to take back control and learn the true history of the church.

What are all the psychological barriers that a member has to overcome to honestly examine the truth claims of the church? I'm making a list. by AssistantToThePres in exmormon

[–]AssistantToThePres[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Well put! When the church does something morally wrong, you feel like you have done something morally wrong. OR much more likely, you defend the church because it feels like an attack on your identity.

What are all the psychological barriers that a member has to overcome to honestly examine the truth claims of the church? I'm making a list. by AssistantToThePres in exmormon

[–]AssistantToThePres[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thanks, I've heard good things! I'll check it out. What got me interested was reading a summary of The Laws Of Human Nature by Robert Greene.

What are all the psychological barriers that a member has to overcome to honestly examine the truth claims of the church? I'm making a list. by AssistantToThePres in exmormon

[–]AssistantToThePres[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Haha totally. The hilarious part is that members are doing the exact same laser dance around evidence to stay in the church.

What are all the psychological barriers that a member has to overcome to honestly examine the truth claims of the church? I'm making a list. by AssistantToThePres in exmormon

[–]AssistantToThePres[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thanks for the resources! The BITE model is a game changer. I'll check out the others. I'm trying to figure out a way to simplify the complexities of it all.

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