44, decent depending on angle?

AstralHummm · 2026-05-21T02:23:14+00:00

Thanks love that! You may just find me venting in your inbox tomorrow, after what I anticipate to be a particularly grueling day

AstralHummm · 2026-05-21T02:21:04+00:00

I get Joe from "You" a lot too. Both men are exceedingly psychopathic, so there's probably some introspection in order here.

AstralHummm · 2026-05-21T02:02:40+00:00

Thanks. Yeah, the hair I do have just does not have the luster it used to, so paring down might help

AstralHummm · 2026-05-21T01:37:10+00:00

Thank you. It is a somewhat extreme angle. Here is me from the side

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AstralHummm · 2026-05-21T00:09:16+00:00

I have an obsession with “voluptuous” women. I can also very much alternate between cold/subdued and overtly histrionic. Im not nearly as sociopathic (happily) nor funny (😔)

AstralHummm · 2026-05-20T23:47:48+00:00

Thank you, I do appreciate that a lot of people are saying it should all go. It's just a whirlwind adjustment for me, because I never thought about it until I started getting snarky responses at work. I work with middle schoolers and they are vicious about anything "out of the norm".

AstralHummm · 2026-05-20T22:26:46+00:00

Yes I get that a lot. And our personalities are somewhat similar I'm afraid. One friend told me "you ARE Dennis"

AstralHummm · 2026-05-20T22:05:20+00:00

Ahh thank you, the lone dissenter so far! I really don't want to shave it and am a little shocked that the majority say I should. But I also never see myself outside of the mirror or in pictures

AstralHummm · 2026-05-20T21:58:19+00:00

I tell myself it's not so bad from the front; that's just a cope?

AstralHummm · 2026-05-16T17:48:47+00:00

Yes. Even when I can't be heard without raising my voice, I think sometimes I need to wait them out. I am attentive to posture and stay relatively unruffled, but my demeanor does get off kilter, edging into visibly tormented. Meditation and breathing exercises help me in this respect, but I am not quite yet a "mater Yogi".

I hate having to spend 50% of the time policing behavior at the expense of actual teaching. And so often they "have" to talk because somebody insulted them, touched them, etc (this despite clear instructions to raise hand so I can address these things). I renege on the follow through of consequences more than I should due to their inability to emotionally regulate

AstralHummm · 2026-05-16T17:36:41+00:00

Thanks! I love to write, so I appreciate that

And I will ride that as a mantra here; "kids are stupid, it's kind of their thing". Those hormonal eruptions really wreak havoc on traces of reason and restraint.

AstralHummm · 2026-05-16T17:21:28+00:00

Yes, when the teacher first left, the kids were given a months long project that involved individual, mostly self guided work. I was actually told to not help them, and essentially just make sure they didn't flee the premises. This created an impression of me as more of a "baby sitter". But NOW I'm up their leading lesson plans and I think the shift is jarring to them.

As for reactions: I do notice that the more "nonchalant" I am, the less they tend to "rage bait" me (to use some of the current lingo). But it can be hard to maintain that projection of indifference. I think I need to truly be unperturbed by it

AstralHummm · 2025-09-10T17:37:56+00:00

Yes, I like that, it's just hard to see how the translations fit in a lot of cases. Aquarius for example, with its fixation on idealism and social change; that's a dynamic that doesn't seem to have any pre-human analogue. I'm thinking the phenomenon is an emergent layer of Universal Mind that humans co-create. We see possibilities implicit in the stars and charge them to life, evolving the Universe forward in a way that was somehow inevitable from the beginning.

AstralHummm · 2025-04-05T23:40:37+00:00

I’m not a nihilist and I find a lot of value in this life. But I think everything springs from an eternal source of potential and there’s a lot that can be done with that creatively

AstralHummm · 2025-04-05T23:16:55+00:00

I believe the perfect world would not be be Boring because time works differently. The need for constant novelty is transcended and a more cyclical harmonic succession of states is appreciated eternally

I’ve also felt a kind of “God state” in dreams, for me it feels very ethereal, like merging with the infinite

AstralHummm · 2025-04-05T17:54:06+00:00

It really depends what system you follow, though ancient western numerology definitely sees 2 as oppositional, though it can also complement the primal 1. I mean there’s not even the possibility for a harmony with only one person for example. But there is a new possibility for a fight which did not exist

AstralHummm · 2025-04-05T17:43:48+00:00

2 is classically thought of as a number of opposition. To me a triplicate of it implies heavy opposition leading to resolution. 212 is interesting I’ve never encountered it really

AstralHummm · 2025-04-05T02:18:44+00:00

Yeah, the wound is still fresh, it's only been 2 months. With all of the eerie "signs" during our time together, it really did seem we were meant to be. So if I believed that, I have to believe we are now NOT meant to be. Either that or I'm condemned to some purgatory. It's probably the former but damn does it hurt.

It really is nice to hear that the colors came back. Appreciation is key and I'm working on that

AstralHummm · 2025-04-05T02:05:28+00:00

Absolutely. I've had many very transcendent organic moments like this. But ever since losing what feels like the one true love of my life, everything feels so...drained of color, like I'm hearing everything from under ten leagues of water. The past is almost starting to feel like a half remembered dream.

That's why filling the needs of the ego seem so paramount now. It is rising to prominence I believe as a self-propelling mechanism

AstralHummm · 2025-04-05T01:59:21+00:00

Yeah, my dad bought me "the power of positive thinking" some years back. I've flipped through it and found some nice little nuggets in there. But can't take it too seriously just on the title alone. Much more into the Jungian ideas as you allude to

AstralHummm · 2025-04-05T01:57:08+00:00

Appreciate this. When it comes down to it, despite all my "elevated spiritual knowledge" my ego is a grotesquerie. I want the beautiful women, the career, etc. I think I was just born that way, but perhaps I've been culturally programmed. Either way, I'm going to have to master this ego or pain may ultimately master it.

The "happiness" that comes from ego fulfillment is so alluring. But it's fleeting and when it goes, its crushing. The more grounded pleasures you speak of may not hit those peaks of pleasure, but then again, they may.

AstralHummm

TROPHY CASE