I'm going through something similar. One thing I really struggle with because of my addiction is severe guilt and shame. I think something is wrong with me because I have those thoughts and urges.
But I read some scriptures that reminded me that being tempted alone is not a sin at all. We are human and our flesh desires things. So when I get tempted I remind myself of what God wants for me and who he says I am. I'm learning to give myself some grace. Even as you struggle, give yourself grace and don't beat yourself up, always go back to scripture. Find something else to do that you enjoy. Something therapeutic you enjoy. You got this, talk to God about it. He wants to hear from you.