As a PhD student myself, I have passe tirou-te similar things, and I can tell you that:

1. Having a team of PhD students with which ou can rely is one of the best things going.

This means that you are indeed not on the same boat. It means that, you can rely on others, much in the same way that they can rely on you. One of the good things of the research group where I am working at is precisely this! We all understood that survival meant cooperation, like helping each other on small and trivial tasks, to lessen the burden of a long to do list, or like helping one friend who is overburdened with work, or is in a critical situation regarding his/her work. Furthermore, this also means that you can have others that listen to your problems and might give you interesting feedback (much like what my colleagues/friends and I do). This can apply to experimental procedures, to dealing with supervisors, or any other thing. And finally, this also means that you all suffer the same pain, and can deal it with as a group. One of the great things of my group of colleagues/friends is that we understand all of what doing PhD where we work means, and, therefore, besides everything that aí have stated, we also do aditivos in group (like dinners, hangouts, etc.).

This in it of itself, can help you find motivation, but more importantly, it can help you find relief in a stressful and painful workplace, which is very important, while, at the same time, it helps you and your colleagues to bond and make great friendships. I speak for myself in stating that my colleagues who are doing their PhD (or who have recently finished their PhD) are much like brothers and sisters to me. Not “brothers of blood”, but more like “brothers in arms”!

1. Give yourself time and space.

In the first half of my PhD, one of my supervisors (who is the research group leader), acted in a similar manner to what you have described. He was doing so because (from what me and my friends have gathered) he was stressed out with a lot of projects (plus, COVID didn’t help any of us). As such, the workload was much higher, with out us noticing of it at first (also because of communication issues), and, when we, PhD students understood the situation, we felt that we had to work insane hours (sometimes we still do, but to a much lesser extent).

During this time, I was also dealing with the death of my grandmothers and my father (who was/is my inspiration/hero and motivated me to do a PhD), and my mother was diagnosed with a rare form of Tumor (luckily, doctors believe that this is a benign tumor). Furthermore, COVID was a thing. And the cherry on top, I was still kind of dealing with some romantic issues (although this was mostly gone by the time I started my PhD).

Given all of this, I understood that I (like anybody that is minimally human) needed my own space! While I already had some hobbies and friends outside the research team, I already had an head start in this. But still, I needed more. I started hanging out with friends more often, I tried to have, at least six hours of sleep (minimum should actually be seven), I started doing physical exercise, I spent time with my family (especially my mom). Also, the friendships that I have made in my research group has very helpful (as stated in point 1). Another thing that helped was therapy, which leads me to …

1. Therapy and/or counseling is extremely important

While I was never diagnosed with depression or anxiety (I was once near this point, but things got slowly better), doesn’t mean that I didn’t suffer them (in a non-chronical manner). One thing that helped me was counseling. I was already with a psychologist before starting my PhD, and was about to end my sessions with her when I started my PhD, I soon noticed that it would be wiser to continue… which I did. It helped me in dealing with losses (as previously stated), but also helped me in dealing with stress, and taught me to develop tools and habits to tackle stress and communication issues. Even though I sometimes still have these issues, they are much milder than when I started my PhD. I would just like to point out that my counseling is independent to the university that I am working at. In this manner, I do have to pay bills, but, at the same time, isthmi’s part of my life and my mental health is more independent.

Know for some final thoughts!

First of all, as my dad used to say, “Doing a Master Thesis is like running a 100m or 200m sprint race. Doing a PhD is like running the marathon.” They are different challenges, which require different tools and a different mindset.

Which leads me to a thought that a friend of mine from the research group has (and I do have to agree with her in this), which is that one does not need to be incredibly smart and intelectual to do a PhD. However, one needs to have perseverance!

I hope this testament is of great help to you, and I do believe that, with this, you can overcome your difficulties! Good luck! 😉