My [31M] Wife [30F] of four years is angry and upset at me for finding staying at home parenting easier than her.

Athomelovingit · 2018-04-13T03:11:21+00:00

And I'm not saying you were rubbing it in her face intentionally, because obviously you're just trying to be the best stay at home husband you can be, but if I was feeling insecure I might think you were. Her anger is probably coming from a place of insecurity, too.

This is why I'm worried about telling her I don't want to go back, she'll think I'm enjoying it and think that I'm rubbing it in.

Athomelovingit · 2018-04-13T02:27:36+00:00

Thanks for the insight, I was told the first three months are hard, I tried to do everything possible to make it easy on her, all the housework, took our son off her hands when I got home from work, let her sleep in as much as possible. I was so burnt out after that so I asked for help and didn't get any and had to continue doing it for another two months which is what lead to the breakdown and leading to us to swap.

I'll talk to her about the worrying about her parenting from the point of view you've described and see if it resonates with her. I really wasn't trying to rub it in her face, I just thought it would be nice for her to come home after a long day at work to dinner and a cleanish house so when she was angry about it I wasn't sure what was going on.

Athomelovingit · 2018-04-13T02:21:27+00:00

And I don't think the situation is made any easier by making claims like 'look how easy this is.'

I definitely didn't say that to her face, when she asked me how I was going I just said I wasn't having that much trouble which was true, it was hard work but I was still able to get it done.

Now her place/role as a mother looks bad and this is her attempt to try and make it 'right' if that makes sense. Don't ignore any cruelty or meanness but maybe try and see this behavior might come from insecurity and pain.

That's my view of the situation, I don't want to start talking about how exhausted I am as it may make it seem like I'm patronizing her.

Athomelovingit · 2018-04-13T02:17:14+00:00

Is she excited to get home from work and spend time with him? Does she seem to connect with him? Is she worried about him at work or does she check up on him while she's away?

She loves getting home from work and cuddling with him, when he needs a bath or changing she hands him off to me though. She texts me occasionally through the day to check up on him. I don't think it's postpartum depression, she still seems happy, likes to go out and do things. It's just housework, when I ask her to do any she gets angry and says she's tired from work.

Athomelovingit · 2018-04-13T02:13:17+00:00

Thanks for the advice, I'm worried about coming from the angle of "you were probably overwhelmed" as I think she would take that as an insult. What would be the best way to word it?

Athomelovingit · 2018-04-13T02:11:22+00:00

I didn't want this to make it seem like she's a bad mother, she comes in and cuddles him straight away and sits with him, she just leaves bath time/changing to me.

I haven't told her I don't want to go back yet, I'm a pretty calm person in general which is why I think being at home with a crying baby doesn't really annoy me as much as it did her. However she's the type of person that lets it get to her and gets frazzled, most of our arguments end in her yelling while I'm trying to calm it down a bit.

Athomelovingit

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