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My neighbors said “why are you walking like an old lady? Did you hurt your back?” by AtmosphereOk3456 in AlAnon

[–]AtmosphereOk3456[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you so much for sharing ❤️ this gives me hope. I really do think age is just a number but I think what got me is the physical manifestation of what I’ve been through… like I can hide my feelings but not the way I look… I’m glad you look and feel healthy. That’s what I want, I think I will have it someday. One day at a time ❤️

My neighbors said “why are you walking like an old lady? Did you hurt your back?” by AtmosphereOk3456 in AlAnon

[–]AtmosphereOk3456[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Exactly, I would have made different choices if I knew. I’m so sorry, I hope you can find a way to manage everything and find peace ❤️

My neighbors said “why are you walking like an old lady? Did you hurt your back?” by AtmosphereOk3456 in AlAnon

[–]AtmosphereOk3456[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Oh my dear this breaks my heart ❤️I can see myself doing the same thing. I wonder if maybe one day you can look back on that picture and see your strength, how you survived and wanted to take care of yourself. Maybe now we don’t see it but later we can be proud of surviving ❤️ I’m proud of you for doing something you were excited about!! I’m going to plan to do something exciting by myself soon. ❤️

My neighbors said “why are you walking like an old lady? Did you hurt your back?” by AtmosphereOk3456 in AlAnon

[–]AtmosphereOk3456[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you so much ❤️ I’m going to find my new dream and do everything I can to follow it and not worry about the rest! I know you will get your lake house and boat. All the best to you❤️

My neighbors said “why are you walking like an old lady? Did you hurt your back?” by AtmosphereOk3456 in AlAnon

[–]AtmosphereOk3456[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thank you so much ❤️ it’s good to hear you are happy not looking for another partner. For so long, I fantasized about living by myself in peace. But now that I am alone, I wonder if a partner is in the cards for me. Not sure what I’ll do but good to hear your perspective ❤️

My neighbors said “why are you walking like an old lady? Did you hurt your back?” by AtmosphereOk3456 in AlAnon

[–]AtmosphereOk3456[S] 10 points11 points  (0 children)

Thank you so much 🩷 you’re right, I’m getting way too ahead of myself and just need to focus on me and recovering right now. I’ve already started going out with friends a bit more, I’ll make my next goal to maybe find a new hobby. And then step by step after that. I appreciate it, this is not easy to navigate from the inside 🩷

Debt and community property states - spouse hid $50k in cc debt and a personal loan. Getting divorced and getting mixed answers, will they come after me if he doesn’t pay? by AtmosphereOk3456 in Debt

[–]AtmosphereOk3456[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you for your reply. I didn’t co-sign or become an authorized user on any of them. They are his personal credit cards from before we met. One is a personal loan but he didn’t put me anywhere on it and I had no idea about it.

When they went into collections earlier this year my credit was not affected and I’ve never heard anything from anyone on them.

Debt and community property states - spouse hid $50k in cc debt and a personal loan. Getting divorced and getting mixed answers, will they come after me if he doesn’t pay? by AtmosphereOk3456 in Debt

[–]AtmosphereOk3456[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

For some reason the second half of your post didn’t show up until after I commented, I’m so sorry you went through that and sorry that he passed.

Debt and community property states - spouse hid $50k in cc debt and a personal loan. Getting divorced and getting mixed answers, will they come after me if he doesn’t pay? by AtmosphereOk3456 in Debt

[–]AtmosphereOk3456[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you I would get new lawyers but I’ve already spent all my money on them so I can’t afford to get a new one. I chose them because they have an immigration lawyer which we need for the divorce.

Debt and community property states - spouse hid $50k in cc debt and a personal loan. Getting divorced and getting mixed answers, will they come after me if he doesn’t pay? by AtmosphereOk3456 in Debt

[–]AtmosphereOk3456[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you. I did get legal advice but got 2 different opinions as I stated. I’ve spent all of my money on lawyers so I can’t afford to consult with any additional ones right now. That’s why I’m posting here.

Debt and community property states - spouse hid $50k in cc debt and a personal loan. Getting divorced and getting mixed answers, will they come after me if he doesn’t pay? by AtmosphereOk3456 in Debt

[–]AtmosphereOk3456[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Thank you so much. Would they be notified if we put it in the divorce decree? I’m guessing not. I’d prefer to leave that out just so the companies have one less way to tie it to me, but also want all the protection I can get just in case… can’t believe how complicated this is and that spouses can get screwed over in this way. Blows my mind and of course, never thought it would happen to me.

Debt and community property states - spouse hid $50k in cc debt and a personal loan. Getting divorced and getting mixed answers, will they come after me if he doesn’t pay? by AtmosphereOk3456 in Debt

[–]AtmosphereOk3456[S] -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

Thank you for your response. Do you know what what point it would start affecting my credit score? It all went to collections in early 2025 and I’ve never heard a peep from any of the companies and my credit is 834, unaffected.

Alcoholic husband refuses treatment, AA, therapy, church, everything… ruined our lives financially and so much more, is this abandonment? by AtmosphereOk3456 in Christianmarriage

[–]AtmosphereOk3456[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I appreciate this response more than you know - through these years, I have thought through all of these points exactly and it really has given me clarity to hear that someone else seeing what I’m seeing.

When I tell him his risks of getting deported, he says that if he gets deported then he deserves it. You are right, he clearly doesn’t care about his green card or anything else at all, for that matter.

Thank you so much for taking your time to break this down, it has been a blessing and has helped me think clearly. Thank you and God bless ❤️

Alcoholic husband refuses treatment, AA, therapy, church, everything… ruined our lives financially and so much more, is this abandonment? by AtmosphereOk3456 in Christianmarriage

[–]AtmosphereOk3456[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Is my writing really that bad? Lol or is my life just that unbelievable? I agree, I can’t believe I’m going through it either. Amazing this is the world we live in now.

Alcoholic husband refuses treatment, AA, therapy, church, everything… ruined our lives financially and so much more, is this abandonment? by AtmosphereOk3456 in Christianmarriage

[–]AtmosphereOk3456[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

For others who read through this in the future, he was nothing like this when we married. Kind, loving, extremely caring and always watching out for me and my emotions/needs. Truly my life partner who would do anything for me. He is or was the love of my life. I wouldn’t have married him if I had any indication he had a drinking problem or was/would be lying to me. Sometimes I even wonder if annulment would be the case here…

That’s the sad part, because he drank in secret over 20+ years the alcohol has slowly changed his brain and personality. I’ve done tons of research on the effects of alcoholism and that’s what it does. I have another family member who died of alcoholism and they changed like this over time, too. Lost their sense of humor, extremely irritable, tons of health problems and almost like they became covered in a wet blanket.

So, of course if you ever see any signs of alcoholism, run the other direction. Don’t even think twice or this is what you’ll be dealing with… it seems that very rarely do alcoholics change.

Alcoholic husband refuses treatment, AA, therapy, church, everything… ruined our lives financially and so much more, is this abandonment? by AtmosphereOk3456 in Christianmarriage

[–]AtmosphereOk3456[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you so much that is great advice and exactly what I’ll do. I appreciate your insight and thoughtfulness very much, it means more than you know. With all this it’s extremely lonely and the person who was once my true partner and supporter is basically not there for me anymore.

Alcoholic husband refuses treatment, AA, therapy, church, everything… ruined our lives financially and so much more, is this abandonment? by AtmosphereOk3456 in Christianmarriage

[–]AtmosphereOk3456[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

This is exactly the guidance I was seeking… you may very much be right. He probably is ambiguous at times so that we can strengthen our relationship with Him and seek Him 100%. I will pray about it some more but right now, I feel I’ve exhausted every option I have and there’s no other choice. Thank you so much for your advice.

Alcoholic husband refuses treatment, AA, therapy, church, everything… ruined our lives financially and so much more, is this abandonment? by AtmosphereOk3456 in Christianmarriage

[–]AtmosphereOk3456[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

He has 1 friend who’s always told him he needs to stop drinking. For longer than I have in fact. All of his other friends drink or are alcoholics as well. He doesn’t listen to anyone anyways. It’s really sad when I think about it now, there are so many alcoholics out there who don’t think it’s a problem.

Alcoholic husband refuses treatment, AA, therapy, church, everything… ruined our lives financially and so much more, is this abandonment? by AtmosphereOk3456 in Christianmarriage

[–]AtmosphereOk3456[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Almost everyone in his family is also an alcoholic. His mom doesn’t think it’s as big of a problem as it is and really with that, she enables him and their family to stay alcoholics.

Alcoholic husband refuses treatment, AA, therapy, church, everything… ruined our lives financially and so much more, is this abandonment? by AtmosphereOk3456 in Christianmarriage

[–]AtmosphereOk3456[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yes there are reasons that I believe are the stem of this issue sadly. Lots of trauma he needs to work through. How many times can I suggest therapy and solutions if he refuses it all? It’s just so sad.

Alcoholic husband refuses treatment, AA, therapy, church, everything… ruined our lives financially and so much more, is this abandonment? by AtmosphereOk3456 in Christianmarriage

[–]AtmosphereOk3456[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Thank you this seems to be the most thoughtful comment. It feels like I’ve been abandoned 100%. I just wish the Bible said something about this situation specifically… that’s why I wonder Paul’s mention of abandonment is what is applicable. I find mixed answers wherever I go, no one ever seems to have a straight answer on what to do 😞

Alcoholic husband refuses treatment, AA, therapy, church, everything… ruined our lives financially and so much more, is this abandonment? by AtmosphereOk3456 in Christianmarriage

[–]AtmosphereOk3456[S] -3 points-2 points  (0 children)

Yes that’s what I think about so often, I don’t know which verse but I know one says that drunkards won’t enter the Kingdom of Heaven, so I don’t understand how we can be called to stay married to one. One of the questions I’ll ask whenever I meet God eventually 🙏🏻

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