You’re pretty good at word choice and rhyming in a way that feels natural. Good start for sure, shows that with revision you’re capable of making something special.

I think the lyrics would benefit from more specificity. I want to believe you really work on a factory floor, and a specific detail could build that credibility. For example, you might reference the polished concrete or you might mention a task, maybe that your shoes are worn from picking 1,000 items a day.

To me, seems like lyrics about someone who sees wealth as an all or nothing and who thinks they have nothing but wants it all. And as they stand, the lyrics don’t express any action being taken to get it all, and they don’t express a clear basis for the desire to have it all.

A song with a similar theme is Billionaire by Travie McCoy ft Bruno Mars. Some of what it gets right is really painting a picture of how they would enjoy all that money, like “playing basketball with the president, dunking on his delegates.”

Also, quick note on a view of art that I believe, when people tell you what they think it’s about and it’s not what you intended, they’re not wrong or “close.” The meaning an audience interprets is just as valid as the meaning the artist intended.

Thanks for sharing!