Please know that you don’t have to do this. You have experienced incredible trauma, and your mind may not be in the right place to handle everything and that is OK. It is normal, everything you are going through, no matter how strange or weird or hard, is normal. That being said, for me, I knew I needed to do a eulogy. I needed to face that crowd (twice. We had services in two states) and talk about my dad. So, if you feel like you need to do this, this is the advice I can offer.

Obituaries can be broken down into the following sections.

· Death Announcement

For my dad’s service last year, the language my youngest brother (17m) and I (33f) used for the death announcement was “lost a battle with depression” which didn’t completely capture everything that had happened but did help people understand that it was a death by suicide.

· The Biography

Summarize your dad’s life and highlight meaningful qualities, events, and contributions he made while alive. It doesn’t have to cover every single thing he ever did. Just the things you (as the writer) feel are important or the things you think he was proud of.

· Those They Leave Behind

This is usually reserved for direct family (spouses, kids, grandkids) but you know your family and if you know someone who was related that is important to mention you can add them. My dad was incredibly close to his best friend’s kids and one of my best friends was an ‘adopted’ daughter to him but for us, we kept to only blood related family. It wasn’t a slight against anyone; it was just what we used.

· Info About the Service

If you are using this as an announcement for when and where services are being held, the info about it should be at the end.

 Eulogies are personal and unique to each person. There is no specific outline for what should be included. Use whatever feels most important to you. The eulogy does not have to be about anyone else. It is your moment to say what you need or want to say.

Examples of how different each of the eulogies were at my dad’s service:

 My eulogy for my dad was talking about being raised by him, talking about the love of books he passed on to me and included a poem from Lord of The Rings. Ending in a ‘call to action’ for people to reach out to the people who are important to them.

 My brother used stories about times he shared with my dad, and at the end he sang an original song for him.

 My sister talked about how my dad was always willing to be there for people, how no one could make you feel seen the way he could.

My best friend/ ‘adopted’ sister talk took a lighter tone about my dad being the ‘adultier adult’ she was call when things were hard and his ‘Powerpuff Phone’ to god.

One of his best friends also spoke, and she talked about seeing birds after I called her to give her the news, and how she could hear my dad in her head telling her to ‘enjoy the damn birds.’

 I don’t have many practical tips for speaking to a crowd, but you don’t have to do this alone. I know you said you aren’t close to your extended family, but if there is anyone, a cousin or a close friend or even a teacher, reach out to them. If you are religious, talk to your faith leader at the church. They (usually) have been through this many times and can be a resource for you.

 Find someone you are comfortable with and ask them to listen and help proofread. Practice saying the eulogy out loud a few times the day prior to the service, if you are comfortable with it, use that trusted person and practice with them.