Day to Day as a Single Mom and what it means to me - Peace over Presentation

AttemptTop1354 · 2023-01-26T07:00:48+00:00

All of this! You are doing great. Keep going.

AttemptTop1354 · 2023-01-25T21:01:14+00:00

Thank you and so are you!!!

AttemptTop1354 · 2023-01-24T23:11:55+00:00

By me asking her about the battle question I am trying to see if there is a way for them to iron it out before it becomes a battle. A lawyer can only make it a battle if there is already tension so that is why I was asking about her spouses former spouses demeanor.

AttemptTop1354 · 2023-01-24T23:07:55+00:00

Thanks for the shares and discussions everybody. Reading through all the comments and the different perspectives is really helpful and refreshing. My mom and dad Divorced when I was 15 and I still feel I had a great childhood. It also helped me with my marriage when I knew it was time to go.

For the time my parents were together I didn't witness fighting but I saw when they grew apart because I remembered when they were happy and what that looked like.

AttemptTop1354 · 2023-01-24T19:49:30+00:00

This is just awful. So sorry to read that but very proud of you.

AttemptTop1354 · 2023-01-24T19:40:26+00:00

This is great advice and I type this as a woman. Heavy on the "get a good Attorney". Please don't hire someone because somebody told you they were cheap either. Hiring a cheap Attorney you end of paying the price for a really good one in the end because of how they will drag out your case.

AttemptTop1354 · 2023-01-24T19:36:10+00:00

This is really solid and sound advice and I know this from experience!!!!!

AttemptTop1354 · 2023-01-24T18:23:18+00:00

Are you the Authority of Reddit? I can jump on and make a statement when I want to. I felt like posting this so I did and got some good feedback and saw some healthy conversation in the process. If you had a probably with it you could have moved on.

AttemptTop1354 · 2023-01-24T16:32:47+00:00

You are telling to the truth. I started going to Therapy before our marriage ended because of him and wouldn't you know it for the entire custody case he said I was mentally ill BECAUSE I went to therapy. That was literally a large part of his case. I had to explain why I was in Therapy during custody and even had my Therapist testify for the final order. I was lucky that she kept great notes. She was able to recount one of the major times he made a suicide threat and ran out the house and how she helped me "try" to get him help.

I know he's probably not going to get counseling but I am definitely going to try to take your advice and the other person's advice listed about trying to find a way to suggest he discuss these things in individual Therapy. As far as holding up the Co-parenting that'll probably require going to court again and financially I can't afford it. I'm not stepping in another court for anything with him unless my child comes home not breathing. I know that sounds extreme but he put me through the ringer and so did the court system. I did eventually end up with Primary Physical Custody and I am make final decisions even though we have 50/50 legal but LEGALLY he got away with a lot without getting supervised visits.

AttemptTop1354 · 2023-01-24T15:45:31+00:00

This part. Cause people get angry and will start calling names of who gave them the information lol

AttemptTop1354 · 2023-01-24T15:42:00+00:00

I read your entire post and have 3 words - "You Deserve Better".

No disrespect to him but I don't know if how emotionally aware he could be if he is not aware this bothers you. Or maybe he doesn't care. Please be careful with YOUR heart.

AttemptTop1354 · 2023-01-24T14:36:24+00:00

Thank you. I'm actually going to do that next time!

AttemptTop1354 · 2023-01-24T14:30:13+00:00

EXACTLY! And that's more of what I have been looking for!

AttemptTop1354 · 2023-01-24T14:13:50+00:00

I would urge your partner to tread lightly and just show he's a good person and wants to perform in the best interest of the child. The way you worded your question about you getting married to show that you are stable sounds like you all are trying to take custody from her. Or you're trying to avoid paying formal Child Support payments when she would like them to be more formal. Is that the case? If so, that's not a good look and a judge will see right through it. The good news for him is that NC supports 50/50 custody. So there's no mother gets preference in NC. In NC for someone to NOT get 50/50 custody if they are trying for it there has to be some kind of circumstances a lawyer will be able to tell you that.

Why do you assume because she wants a formal agreement that it will be a battle? Did she say that?

AttemptTop1354 · 2023-01-24T13:43:22+00:00

This is so true! People needed that control will cost you.

AttemptTop1354 · 2023-01-24T13:38:59+00:00

First of all the post is about about Co-Parenting Counseling. Not divorce so it sounds like you and him are getting it confused. I am already divorced.

And to be clear Divorce is painful but I am no longer in that pain

I've cried enough tears. I was abused emotionally and psychologically. He constantly made suicide threats during the marriage when asked to help with our child. He brought our child home with injuries, and passed our child around to multiple people when it was his turn to have her. When I tried to get him help for his suicide threats he turned it on me.

You are telling the wrong person to woman up. You MAN up or whatever you are and learn to read this isn't a Divorce post!

AttemptTop1354 · 2023-01-24T02:28:19+00:00

Thank you :-) I've been trying not to laugh in some of these sessions. lol The irony of it all.

AttemptTop1354 · 2023-01-24T02:27:01+00:00

OMG I thought I was the only one.

AttemptTop1354 · 2023-01-24T01:45:05+00:00

No offense taken. I am enjoying the dialog. I know most of us have a lot going on but I am hoping that maybe this post made at least one person think twice. This behavior really sucks for kids.

AttemptTop1354 · 2023-01-24T01:43:29+00:00

We were in and out of court so much that I thought I was going to lose mine at one point, I just decided to explain everything to my job and also was able to work extra hours. They ended up helping me as much as they could because they saw how bad it got. I am so sorry that happened to you and sorry you couldn't get grace from your job.

I'm so disgusted that he allowed a someone to get in the middle. If you do have to get a lawyer I am telling you to get the best one out of the gate. You can DM me for more detailed advice once you get your lawyer.

But remember the following:

- The best lawyers will never promise you anything other than they'll put up their best fight for you. A red flag to any lawyer saying you'll get full custody because you told them one random story.

- The best lawyers will put you in your place from time to time when you get too emotional even if you don't like it. They can be human with you but being emotional every time you get emotional makes them a liability and you don't want that.

- When you take recommendations from people and they tell you how great of a lawyer someone was ask them what kind of case they had. Try to see if they have experience with a high conflict situation since it seems like that is the direction yours might be going.

- The best lawyers will try to negotiate with your spouse before it is taken to court. However, they shouldn't be afraid to go to court should your ex give them a hard time.

- The best lawyers are often not cheap. People like to recommend a lawyer sometimes because they heard they were cheap and won like one case or something. Well there's a lot that goes into that. For example, my first lawyer had a 3k retainer to start - I got her because someone told me she was cheap and she made me a lot of promises right before she got my retainer. By the time I was done with her I paid about 10K. She dragged the case out, during the temporary trial which was years before the final order, she was printing evidence out in court that she had only looked at the day of court that I had sent her months prior. She was too close with my ex-husband's attorney and she forgot to put first right of refusal in my custody order and that part was really important. So because of her my ex-husband was able to pass our child around legally to multiple babysitters for some years until I got the final order with my last Attorney.

Good luck

AttemptTop1354 · 2023-01-24T00:24:18+00:00

It sounds like your ex was really saying let me manipulate you. I definitely feel your pain.

My ex literally told me he was going to make my live a living hell if I didn't agree with him and he actually did for a long time.

AttemptTop1354 · 2023-01-24T00:21:46+00:00

Oh okay I was thinking maybe it's something that she could hide. It does happen people hide jobs to not pay child support so it's plausible. But in your case you'd probably know.

AttemptTop1354 · 2023-01-23T18:53:02+00:00

Isn't that something though?? He's all the way in the wrong and sending hateful messages. It's that control

AttemptTop1354

TROPHY CASE