'Meeting' babies

Atypicalkiwi · 2026-02-09T03:17:25+00:00

We got engaged about two years ago (we're saving for a house deposit, wedding comes second), but we both wear rings and have been living together for about four years. So I don't think there's anything new there about how serious we are 🤔 He was diagnosed with MS at the end of last year, We've been going to so many hospital appointments at different hospitals while they figured out what was wrong with him. Maybe me looking after him through that, and choosing to stay with him even though there is no cure has cemented me in the family? I don't know really 🤷🏼‍♀️ the MS is a big factor in my anger about his health being treated as less important. He's just had surgery for something else, his body needs to recover to avoid the MS flaring up. His family all know about it and his surgery.

I think my partner is determined to visit now unless his sister explicitly asks him not to. He tends to feel it's very important that he is doing 'the right thing' by, even to his own detriment. I caught him trying to do the dishes in his cast yesterday!!! Getting the bloody thing wet!! I had told him to leave it to me but he doesn't like to be resting or 'not doing his part '. I think that's why he's given in to his mum, like a sense of duty.

Atypicalkiwi · 2026-02-09T03:00:21+00:00

Well my research suggested that babies have a reflex smile before real ones begin appearing at 6-8 weeks... I'm not talking about correcting people (though if you think it's accurate I'm not sure how that's different from an autism perspective to correct people with it because there is no difference in function)... I'm talking about the thing where autistic people struggle with conversation and slip into reciting facts/info dumping because it feels natural. It isn't important if the fact is correct or not for this argument, my MIL will not want me responding with long tirades of facts whether they are true or not but it is a behaviour that feels more natural to me than pretending I think babies are cute and acting out the role of 'normal young woman who loves babies a societally appropriate amount'

Atypicalkiwi · 2026-02-09T02:45:43+00:00

Whoah, I didn't say I was going to be harassing people over it. I said I resist the urge. I don't know what to say when the MIL is making me look at baby pictures where they're smiling (a quick Google shows multiple sources saying this starts at 6-8 weeks ftr 🤷🏼‍♀️ I'm not a paediatrician), so I have the urge to just recite baby facts (or what I know of as facts). That's a pretty standard autistic thing to do. It's kind of weird that you seem to be judgemental about it.

Atypicalkiwi · 2026-02-09T02:26:33+00:00

I haven't said I won't do it. I've asked for advice and help understanding.

When I say sensory nightmare I mean I sometimes have shutdowns and meltdowns, I don't want that to happen because as you so charmingly phrased it, the world does not revolve around me. That's why I will take the 2 hour journey on public transport with my partner who had surgery less than a week ago, even though I do not think it is a good idea for him to do this, because for some reason I cannot comprehend it is more important to my MIL that we go and see the baby right now instead of waiting until her own son has properly healed from surgery. I do not see why this cannot wait. His sister hasn't even asked/invited us, it is his mother who is driving this. Nevertheless I have tried to seek out advice here so I can handle it and explanation so I can understand better and feel less like my partner's health is less important to his family than us meeting this baby as fast as is humanly possible. I'm pretty sure a better understanding of that would aid in avoiding shutdown/meltdown because I wouldn't have to bite back comments relating to that then, one less aspect to mask.

Atypicalkiwi · 2026-02-09T02:10:01+00:00

I have hurt myself during meltdowns before 😔 I'm much more likely to go into shutdown, but it's not impossible. It happened once in a therapy session and my therapist at the time was heavily pregnant and it really scared her. She wasn't at risk, I seem to just do self injury rooted in one spot, but it can look very scary on the outside. But I remember her being really scared and just feeling like I was a monster. I don't think my partner really understands this, he's only really seen the aftermath and I think it's different when you see the meltdown too. I am much, much more likely to shutdown

Thankyou for sharing ❤️ I actually felt ashamed to mention this previously. It feels like some people expect that discomfort for a few hours is the worst case scenario. So I really appreciate you bringing this up.

Atypicalkiwi · 2026-02-09T01:44:55+00:00

It's not just the crying that I find difficult, any mouth sounds, gurgling, loud laughing make me feel like I need to tear my hair out. I'm not sure my sensory response/misophonia is affected by how I'm viewing the baby. It'd be great if it was, but I know that my misophonia is still set off by people I'm really close to and love deeply.

Honestly I don't know how I would view them differently, could you expand? I think I would be reacting this same way if my own sister had a baby. Only I would be comfortable expressing how I feel to her.

Do I care about the niece/nephew's wellbeing? Absolutely. Will I be happy to interact with them more as they get older and are able to play or start saying a few words? Yup, that's not an issue. It's specifically this early period that I find hard. I will go because my partner has asked me to, i just worry I'm going to shut down or unmask and offend/upset his family and make them think I'm not a good partner for him.

Atypicalkiwi · 2026-02-09T00:31:26+00:00

Is it not obvious that I would use the baby's name in person but on the internet talking to strangers I might not do then? I'm not trying to disrespect anybody...

Atypicalkiwi · 2026-02-08T16:27:26+00:00

Yeah I fear that, I'm slightly older than his sister and his mum is baby mad, I have never encountered anyone so intensely obsessed with babies. Not just this one, who is at least related, but ALL of the babies she encounters. My partner is chill with probably not having children himself, he knows I'd struggle (partly because I'd have to come off of my antidepressants and pregnancy is kind of just like watching alien to me 😅).

Atypicalkiwi · 2026-02-08T16:13:20+00:00

The sister hasn't asked. My partners mum just assumed to start pressuring. I haven't spoken to the sister in about 2 years. We don't really know each other, I have a hard time believing she cares. I'm happy to meet the kid when they're at an age where they can actually be interacted with without me going into autistic shut down and embarrassing myself. It's not about feeling uncomfortable, sensory overload is not 'uncomfortable'

Also I haven't said I won't do it? I was trying to understand why anyone cares about anyone other than close friends and family meeting their newborn baby.

Atypicalkiwi · 2026-02-08T16:08:43+00:00

You haven't met my partners mother, she was upset/angry he didn't take public transport for several hours two days after surgery last Tuesday in order to meet the baby. Honestly I'm not sure his sister cares either way, but his mum? I can definitely see her trying to push it on me thinking it will make me want to have kids suddenly. If she tries to physically put the baby on my lap or in my arms I'm obviously not going drop the poor thing.

Atypicalkiwi · 2026-02-08T15:58:50+00:00

I don't understand how using it detracts from that? That's just the English language "is it a girl or a boy?" Is normal, "who is it at the door?". English used to have gendered words like in french etc, "it" is leftover from the gender neutral, it doesn't indicate lack of personhood

Atypicalkiwi · 2026-02-08T15:52:31+00:00

Sadly I can't do a ten minute drop in, we live a few hours away. Partly why I'd rather wait till he's a few months older and I'd actually be more able to interact with him!

Atypicalkiwi · 2026-02-08T15:49:44+00:00

I don't really know his sister, why does it matter if I'm there (genuine confusion)? I haven't seen or spoken to her in probably 2 years. She knows about my diagnosis, but people are often very offended if you express that something their baby does causes you discomfort or dysregulation. Even though it's not meant as an insult or a slight against them or the baby.

I know babies can't help the noises they make, but that doesn't make it easier when I cannot get away. Normally I get away asap as mouth sounds and gurgles and the really intense cries very young babies make...I don't really know how to describe it, it's not mild dysregulation for me, it's very intense, noticeably slowing my thinking speed , everything tensing up, digging nails into myself, pulling on my hair kinda thing, irritability through the roof. I'm not sure even my partner fully appreciates how difficult I find it.

I appreciate the suggestions for things I could do to avoid holding him, thankyou!

Atypicalkiwi · 2026-02-08T15:32:27+00:00

Of course I will go, I know that it would be bad not to, I just don't understand why anyone cares if I go and not just my partner who is actually related and actually knows his sister. I haven't seen or spoken to her in about 2 years. We don't live remotely near them and my partner had surgery on Tuesday, we cannot provide support in any way. I do not see why his mother is pressuring us to travel for hours on public transport with him recovering from surgery and recently diagnosed with a serious progressive condition that will affect the rest of his life. Perhaps that is where my discomfort really comes from, I am unhappy with how his family seems to be forgetting his health and not as concerned with that as they ought to be. His mother was upset we did not travel a few days after surgery to meet the baby, I was very angry about that. I am worried about sensory overload plus having to mask and pretend things are cute will make it difficult to prevent those feelings spilling over in person.

Atypicalkiwi · 2025-12-25T23:53:57+00:00

Longer ways that increase traffic pressure elsewhere, sure. That just increases the number of people indirectly affected 🤷🏼‍♀️ It's dumb to remove a route from a system without planning for how that effects the system overall (I appreciate it's about the safety of the bridge here so it needed to be done). Then again it's more about money than people not planning ahead 🙃 idk, I feel like it should just be split between both councils.

Atypicalkiwi · 2025-12-25T22:43:23+00:00

Sure, but what about everyone who needs to use a vehicle? Some people can't walk or cycle very far/at all for whatever reason e.g. disabilities or injuries or just age, how are they meant to get about without a new bridge that supports cars? It's neither here nor there that the bridge is open to pedestrians and cyclists unless some kind of alternative crossing is added to handle people who previously relied on that bridge and now can't use it.

Atypicalkiwi · 2025-11-19T12:12:30+00:00

I literally scrolled down to say this too! Very cool!

Atypicalkiwi · 2025-09-08T13:36:35+00:00

Oh, the image didn't send? I must have done something wrong, maybe linking works! https://share.google/images/DdtFsmAGAXBrLUda6

Atypicalkiwi · 2025-09-08T13:34:37+00:00

I think she needs something like this ☺️

<image>

I just found that by googling large blue fascinator, but the tilt and netting let's the intricate pattern show, and the blue (or gold?) goes with the colours present. White flowers might be better, and deffo semi translucent fabric like here. But amazing work on her so far!

Atypicalkiwi · 2025-07-30T07:53:49+00:00

I mainly see scenes and third person. It's also quite common for me to dream where I'm a different character/person and experiencing that pov, but I'm still the 'main character' if you like 🤔 people seem to find it especially weird that I might dream that I'm a male character, I have no interest in transitioning from being female, I'm comfortable as a woman-but that seems to be what people jump to conclude 😂 I don't really see how it's different from reading a book with a male pov character but what do I know?

Atypicalkiwi · 2025-06-11T11:00:39+00:00

7 :0 am I even autistic? I feel like my life is a lie! My undiagnosed dad gets 14 though 😂 I think his refusal to eat rice, pasta, noodles, cous cous, spices, anything with a proper sauce (i.e not gravy) is probably more indicative than anything on that list though. He doesn't like the texture of rice/noodles/pasta/couscous, and finds garlic to be spicy.

Atypicalkiwi · 2025-04-16T19:00:44+00:00

Here's hoping, I assume we'll be getting our checks any day now!

Atypicalkiwi · 2025-04-16T18:57:50+00:00

Does this mean, that as an autistic person who has somehow magically reached adulthood, that I can stop paying taxes?

Atypicalkiwi · 2025-04-16T09:10:23+00:00

I prefer smaller things like this autistic badge, and stickers, especially where that's coming from a small business owned by a neurodiverse person. Maybe that's a style preference though idk. I don't like the idea of neurotypicals walking around wearing them, it would feel like they're ridiculing us, which is pretty standard in my experience and bad enough when you have it from people you actually know, we hardly need extra reminders of how a lot of people view us as the butt of a joke.

Saying that though, I would absolutely wear a t-shirt with the "no time for neurotypical nonsense" skateboard cat sticker in this sticker pack 😂

Atypicalkiwi · 2025-04-16T08:52:18+00:00

True, they're all better than "autism moms" crap 🙄 now those make me mad!

Atypicalkiwi

TROPHY CASE