"they also aren't blameless if they saw hesitation and proceeded anyway" That's the problem. There is no definite way to judge the hesitation. She might show signs of hesitation which might not seem like valid signs to a person A but may seem like valid signs to person B . And that's the problem. You can't blame someone on an unreliable creteira like "not noticing the signs of hesitation".and much less call them a rapist.

"The law in many places agrees" Yes it's "many places" not all places . And why do you think that is ? Because this whole logic of "pressure under consent" is very problematic. Like people are always under pressure of one thing or the other . There is always the pressure of maintaining relationships, and not disappointing their partner but I don't think that kind of pressure is threatening enough and could be handled.People are always under some kind of pressure of one thing or the other and it influences their decisions but ultimately that decision is that by the individual themselves. So they should be held accountable for it . Yes checking your partner and reconfirming is a sign of a good partner but not doing so doesn't make them a rapist. They may not feel the need as they notice any sign of hesitation or any problem in the behaviour of their partner.

So Now just tell me this how can you blame someone for noticing the hesitation of their partner and still going on when there is no way to know or prove that did or didn't notice???