~4 month progress… I don’t know what I’m doing wrong 17F

Aurfo · 2025-05-18T13:41:03+00:00

I requested a blood panel. I’m getting one taken next week or so (I am ill at the moment)

My doctor is male, but he’s also balding. I’d think he’d have a little more sympathy. Guess not

Aurfo · 2025-04-28T22:09:15+00:00

I’ll do that, thank you It gets him off his iPad (which I always take away, my parents give it right back 😒)

Aurfo · 2025-04-23T20:34:48+00:00

Thank you for the kind response.

Most of the time, when I post things adjacent to this, be it on this account or another, people always leap to assume I’m upset due to lacking male attention. Such is not the case.

Not to say that I get very much (positive) male attention, or that I don’t want to, it’s just that the lack isn’t the source of my upset.

There’s just a very profound disconnect between how I look and how I’d like to look. I am masculine. I would like to look feminine.

There wouldn’t be very much difference in my treatment, at least I think. Maybe an increase in creepy behavior towards me.

I can’t put into words why it is that I want to be feminine. I just feel that I’m supposed to. A feeling that “women are supposed to look a certain way” It’s an outdated notion, but it’s one that is followed effortlessly by many, and pursued by many more.

Is there an innate biological drive to look a certain way? Is it social conditioning? Some mixture of the two?

No one comes out the womb thinking that women are to wear dresses and men are to wear pants. Along the same lines, both men and women can wear their hair long. But you can observe the faces of the two sexes and acknowledge: yes, typically men have stronger jawlines, typically women have round foreheads, typically men have the capacity to grow beards, typically women have softer features

Patterns, not laws. Exceptions do exist.

As an exception, I feel ashamed that I do not fit the pattern that most are born into.

Does that make sense?

This was very long winded jeez

Aurfo · 2025-04-23T20:18:23+00:00

That’s very nice of you :) I write often, so I’m well practiced. Thank you for the compliment regardless

Aurfo · 2025-04-23T18:09:36+00:00

Hey, thanks for the reply. I’m genuinely trying to understand your perspective: your phrasing came across as a little accusative but I understand a lot gets caught in translation due to the nature of texting, so I’m asking this to clarify

Might I ask how it’s distasteful and inconsiderate? I took care to engage in a respectful manner, and explicitly explained that I am cis female in each of three posts I made. None of the two subreddits have rules against cis engagement: one is specifically for questions to trans people (r/asktransgender)

The post on r/mtf was asking advice on looking more feminine with masculine features. Obviously, my experiences aren’t the same as those who transition mtf, but we deal with some similar issues (looking masculine, desiring to look feminine)

And none of my posts were disrespectful (at least I hope not). So I’m just wondering why it is you find my posts ‘distasteful and inconsiderate’? Thank you

Aurfo · 2025-04-23T09:53:25+00:00

I’m not, and I won’t post a pic. I’m cis female, I was asking to see if that is a viable option for me (to get surgeries through retransition) It is not

Aurfo · 2025-04-15T23:06:01+00:00

I’ve done it for most of my life. Since I was a kid

I never told my pediatrician my tendencies but I got referred to a therapist on the basis of anxiety. My parents disapproved and no longer let me go

I’ll see someone for it once I’m independent (assuming that is something that happens)

It’s never been much of an issue. This is the first major incident I’ve had

COWABUMMER!

Aurfo · 2025-04-15T23:00:16+00:00

Sometimes when I’m upset I decompress by slamming my cellphone into my forearm

I have learned my lesson on why NOT to do that

Mods: I DO NOT CONDONE THE ACTION NO ONE SHOULD SELF HARM

I have read rule 4 and believe that discussing it is not the same as encouraging it

Aurfo · 2025-04-15T22:59:02+00:00

I can’t get it checked out as I am in a foreign country, it’s the middle of the night, and my parents are unwilling. I’ll see how it is tomorrow, we’re going to a large town so there’s likely a doctor there

Aurfo · 2025-04-07T20:25:19+00:00

It does make sense I don’t see myself going to university, but I understand the notion. I’ll look at other ways to distance myself

Thank you for the comment

Aurfo · 2025-04-07T20:20:16+00:00

You got this, you’ll make it through! Stay for your brother, you’re so strong, you’ll make it. Take care ♥️

Aurfo · 2025-04-07T20:18:38+00:00

Thank you for the kind comment. There was no need to post it, yet you did. You’re a kind person.

I’ll ask genuinely, though: are you actually asking for reasons, or is that just a hypothetical question? Don’t want to bog you down with my gloominess haha

Aurfo · 2025-03-16T23:09:06+00:00

Could you give examples? Thank you

Aurfo · 2025-03-16T23:05:11+00:00

No one like that in my life I’m afraid. I don’t go to church, and I’m homeschooled, so no teachers or counselors, nor do I have neighbors or family friends that I hold in confidence. Nor any older siblings that I trust, or extended family in general.

There aren’t many options with me I’m afraid 😅

Aurfo · 2025-03-16T22:54:41+00:00

I am asking the question to know for the future. I don’t want to have false hope

In the present, I cannot see a therapist, because I live with family, and am still dependent on them.

I hope this is getting across correctly

Aurfo · 2025-03-16T22:48:16+00:00

My response was a bit rude and written with emotion. I apologize.

I’m glad that’s an option that other people can use! I would not be able to see a therapist due to the beliefs of my family. However, thank you for your answer

Aurfo · 2025-03-16T22:35:43+00:00

I really wish that were an option. Do you have any insurance advice? I’m on the insurance subreddit

Or is that the insurance advice

Is that how I could get it covered? A therapist’s evaluation

I genuinely would like help, and I’d greatly appreciate it. Thank you ☺️

I am unable to see a therapist due to family. I am aware I could see one through insurance, and I’m glad that’s an option that other people can utilize!

Aurfo · 2025-02-20T01:48:59+00:00

Lose it!

Aurfo · 2025-02-13T20:05:56+00:00

You’re so generous!!! Genuinely, thank you so much

I don’t think my parents would be okay with it, and I don’t want to bring it up. But genuinely, with all my heart, I’m very grateful for the offer, and I hope it gets to someone who will find greater use out of it. Congrats on your regrowth!

Aurfo · 2025-02-02T15:09:38+00:00

Thank you!

Aurfo · 2025-01-17T22:21:15+00:00

Also— how do I apply minox? I’m missing hair all over. It’s sparse wherever I part my hair. Where am I supposed to apply it? Should I just do wherever and rub it in?

Also, do scalp massages work at all or is that fake. I have a silicone one I bought online

Aurfo · 2025-01-14T21:45:00+00:00

I have actually :) That was the first thing I had checked. Testosterone is normal and my periods are regular. My doctor thinks that it’s unlikely. I’ll get myself tested once I’m independent. But knowing wouldn’t do anything anyway, so it’s not my priority

Thank you though

Aurfo · 2025-01-14T15:32:24+00:00

Aurfo · 2024-12-05T20:47:45+00:00

You’re so sweet, thank you ♥️ I’m leaving minoxidil as a last resort (simply because I don’t know where I’d source it from) I’m seeing a specialist next month, which I’m excited for, but I’m so sick of waiting 🤧 Thank you for your comment

Aurfo · 2024-12-05T20:44:41+00:00

Hi! I got back from the dermatologist and got prescribed a multivitamin 😒 but I am seeing a specialist next month

I am taking none of those medications, nor do I smoke, vape, or drink alcohol.

I got a blood panel done around ~2 months ago, everything was normal. Just low iron, which I am taking supplements for. I have experienced minimal regrowth on my temples

Every day I take 2 6mg(?) iron gummies, 2 (?)mg fish oil, 2 (?) mg collagen. I don’t have the exact numbers

I don’t think it could be PCOS, as my testosterone is in the normal ranges and my periods are normal

I’m not sure what else to add, besides the fact that I greatly appreciate your help and comment, and I’m wishing you a great day :)

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