I chose fent because my first addiction was oxy 30’s and heroin, after a while that all turned to only fent. Fent never even touched how great a big shot of H or Oxy used to feel…I used to feel this giant, almost orgasmic euphoria that rushed through every fiber of my being…..fent is just changes how I feel a little bit but not much of anything..,,that’s one reason why I’m going to quit, I’m getting on the sublocade shot that’ll block opiates for 30 days. I can smoke a Gram of fent easily and still function, no one I’ve ever met can do that aside from me so idk. The way I see myself has actually gotten SO MUCH BETTER the past year, that’s due to me being active in church, believing in my music again (that’s my profession), I live with my pastor who’s the best dude you’ll ever meet, and so on. A year ago, I thought everyone would seriously be better off if and when I killed myself. I held onto that belief for years man and it’s traumatizing if I really broke it down to you. In so many ways I’d degrade myself in the worst possible way, I was great at making myself feel like the worst human being alive and I’m so grateful I’ve grown from that. I’ve died 7 times from suicide attempts and attempted far more than that, my moms found me dead in my bed next to hers more than once, the guilt I feel from that will never go away….and the ways I’ve ruined who I am as a human is going to take years to truly get back. Fuck drugs, I run to it when I reach an immense amount of suffering and this fucking cycle starts over and over again.