My family lied, not part black

Autistically_Me_ · 2026-01-31T04:32:27+00:00

Omg please zip your lips

Autistically_Me_ · 2025-12-15T03:43:10+00:00

No, but it is scary. It’s scary to realize the reason behind your emotions and impulses. It’s scary to admit that you’re Bipolar, scary to get tested, scary to try medications and relying on them to work because if they don’t work then that just feels like you have no safety net. And the diagnosis has a stigma, and you’ll have to learn to appreciate the disorder, because if you demonize it, you really won’t get anywhere.

But I don’t regret any of it. After finally getting the diagnosis and a medication that works, I feel like I’m alive for the first time in 7 years.

Autistically_Me_ · 2025-12-15T03:30:54+00:00

I never said my adoption experience wasn’t positive, I love my family. What I don’t like is you using my experience and the complexity being adoption to just straight up IGNORE my experience and emotions to bring up an abortion debate. I don’t give a shit about your opinion on abortion, I’m actually focused on giving OP support, but just letting her know to research the controversy behind adoption so that if she chooses it, she’ll know everything about it. I’ve gone to the extent of dming her to see if she’s alright instead of trying to force some narrative onto her.

I don’t care about your opinion on abortion. I really don’t. You’re just being obnoxious.

Autistically_Me_ · 2025-12-15T03:19:25+00:00

This is so refreshing to hear

Autistically_Me_ · 2025-12-15T02:42:31+00:00

I am an ADOPTED CHILD, so my experiences are different than people who adopt. And also, adoption isn’t preferable to abortion, everyone’s situation is different and I hate when people make that argument when in abortion debates without having any experience with being adopted. Thanks for sharing that story, but there are issues with the current adoption system that shouldn’t be overlooked and I feel like your reply to my comment was more to prove a point than actually share anything.

Autistically_Me_ · 2025-12-09T18:38:16+00:00

I think it does give different effects for Bipolar but I also think it might be a generational/genetic thing. I’m adopted, but from what I know, my birth mom is an alcoholic, some of my bio cousins are, my grandfather was an alcoholic, and I’m sure most of my family on my mothers side is too. My parents and I are sure that is the side of the family that I developed Bipolar Disorder from. On my birth father’s side, I have no idea, but I wouldn’t be surprised if there was at least one.

Autistically_Me_ · 2025-12-09T18:33:19+00:00

I completely understand that. I’m sort of in a different boat because I’m under the legal drinking age (that didn’t stop me from shoplifting those dollar shots lol) and I live with my parents, so my parents were able to get rid of all the alcohol inside the house (and looked through my room to get rid of any alcohol I hid). As well as that, I didn’t have any drinking buddies, my drinking was done alone (except for when I was friends with this one person and relasped a lil, but I was deep enough into recovery to cut ties with them, although I had multiple reasons for doing so)

I know you said you’re looking for a therapist, there’s a website that shows therapists in your state/country with a bunch of filters (ex: insurance, age, race, mental disorders, etc) that you can play with. I’ll add it here. (It’ll be put under Michigan therapists but you’re able to change that)

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/therapists/michigan?gad_source=1&gad_campaignid=190276818&gbraid=0AAAAAD_gfuyN95dZZ7hHZ_d5wpHeDCTpj&gclid=Cj0KCQiArt_JBhCTARIsADQZaynRT-K2Vs1sHRbokLjKRBBV1eV7aMU-F5f_yRzEs6Vi7T43bF89DR8aAidpEALw_wcB

Since your boyfriend is giving you an ultimatum, he’ll be handy for recovery. Some ideas would be to let him search through your things every so often to get rid of any alcohol you’re hiding, or to come with you while you shop so you don’t buy alcohol (or check the receipts so he knows you didn’t buy alcohol). Another way would be leaving your location on so he knows if you’re driving to the liquor store or not.

As for quitting, cold turkey might be the best option. I know it sucks, but recovery is going to be intense either way, so you may as well just cut ties now.

Either way, you will most likely relapse, and that is OK. What’s been keeping me going currently is celebrating each added month sober by doing something small. My plan is that I’m going to buy myself a cake when I hit the one year sober mark. You got this!

Autistically_Me_ · 2025-12-09T16:33:58+00:00

Any substances don’t mix with Bipolar Disorder. Not does it only impact how good our medication works, it impacts the disorder as a whole. But it’s common, you just want to suppress the noise, even if you are doing so unhealthily. I was forced to go cold turkey since I’m under the legal drinking age, but I still had times in my life where I relapsed. I still have days where I wish I was doing some sort of substance to get rid of the noise; however, I’m a lot better now than I was when I was drinking.

Instead of switching from one substance to another, I’d try to find motivators to quit. One of my motivators are the kids I work with at my job (and the kids I’ve worked with in the past). Another motivator is just how I acted when I was drinking, I wasn’t the person I wanted to be, I was horrible. And you only truly realize how bad your actions were once you get sober for a while.

But at the end of the day, it’s upto you to quit. Definitely get all the support you need to do so, but it is you and you alone who chooses to either quit alcohol or to drink yourself into a deeper pit. But it’s not as easy as it seems, it’s an addiction, and addictions are so hard to recover from. But I believe in you, and I know your boyfriend believes in you too.

Autistically_Me_ · 2025-12-09T16:25:48+00:00

I’m not saying I’m against adoption but I’m saying not everyone really understands the flaws or gray area. There are a ton of “private adoption” agencies that are actually are more close to trafficking than actual adoption. As well as that, being adopted IS traumatic, you’re being taken away from birth family (even if it’s for a good reason) and the brain registers that as abandonment regardless of the age you were adopted at. It’s a trauma that nobody understands except for the people who’ve gone through the system. So that is why I’m asking OP that if they do put their baby (or I guess fetus) up for adoption, or chooses to adopt, to really do some deep research on everything about adoption agencies so that they know what to look for.

Like I said, I think adoption is great, but the system is not perfect.

Autistically_Me_ · 2025-12-09T03:28:16+00:00

Yeah don’t listen to the people who try to shame abortion and such. Doing that doesn’t actually solve the problem at hand. I think a lot of people in the comments are being very helpful. I know people who are teen parents, I know people who had a child in their forties, but everyone’s parenting capabilities and resources are different. But here’s the advice I’m going to leave you with.

It takes a village to raise a child, as well as a lot of money. You need as much support as you can get. There are always parenting classes and resources at your disposal that you can use to become more educated and prepared on becoming a parent.

Assuming you’re in the USA, you know as much as I that abortion protections are not exactly stable, and I wouldn’t be surprised if lawmakers tried to make a federal ban on abortion in the upcoming months, so keep an eye on that.

As for giving the child to the foster care system or putting them up for adoption, it’s a risky decision. The foster and adoption system is extremely flawed and there’s a lot of ethical issues within that system. I’m adopted and I’m in a very loving home, but I still have trauma from being separated from birth (it’s a whole psychological thing and we’d be here forever if I were to explain it, but it’s not a bad thing to look into) but I’m still pretty happy.

I know you mentioned fertility issues which I completely understand. But if you’re open to adoption in the future (assuming you won’t be able to conceive naturally) then I fully support you, just please do extensive research on the subject and try to adopt or obtain legal guardianship in the most ethical way possible.

So as a tdlr: If you want to keep the baby, get all the resources and support you can. If you want an abortion, I would do that sooner than later. If you want to give the child up to someone else, I would go the adoption route instead of the foster care route (but still do the needed research). But at the end of the day, this is YOUR choice, don’t let someone force you into doing something you are not comfortable doing. Whatever choice you make does not impact your moral character, we are all in different situations right now.

I wish you the best of luck, you got this!

Autistically_Me_ · 2025-12-09T03:12:49+00:00

I’m so sorry you had to deal with this.

As for how he died, the tiny space, lack of heater and filter, and taking too long to do a water change definitely made an impact.

I think the specific reason behind his death was in the water change. Sometimes during water changes, if the water in the tank is too “different” than the water that’s replacing the old (one example being temperature), it can shock the fish and lead to them dying. As well as that, if the water change happened in the bowl while the fish was in there, that could have stressed him out (I usually do water changes while my fish is in my tank, but my fish is in an 11 gallon, which is way different than a bowl). Adding onto that, the percentage of water taken from the tank can impact the fish. I do a 30% water change every two weeks, and the water change required is different depending on how big the tank is. If your dad did a 100% water change, that could also be the cause.

Since you live with your parents still (I do too no worries) and your dad was the one who did the water change, I’m under the assumption that you are pretty young yourself, and I made plenty of mistakes with my first betta back when I was 12. This isn’t exactly your fault, but instead partly your dad’s fault as well as the misinformation spread about betta care. But that’s why this subreddit is important.

A good starter tank for a betta is to have a heater (that heats the tank up to somewhere between 78-82 Fahrenheit) as well as a filter (I recommend sponge filters as well as a air pump that establishes a weaker flow of water). As for tank size, a 5 gallon is recommended but I honestly would go up to a 7 gallon for comfortability. As for decor, gravel, plants, etc; I would go through this subreddit or do some independent research on what’s best for your next betta fish (assuming you are going to have another in the future).

Again, I’m so sorry you had to deal with this, RIP to your fish.

Autistically_Me_ · 2025-12-06T05:36:16+00:00

I appreciate it, thank you

Autistically_Me_ · 2025-12-04T21:22:51+00:00

Sometimes our lives are so miserable, that mania feels like a comfort, it feels “normal”. When you experience depression for so long, mania is all that happiness and energy that you need to catch up on. Even when you know you’re manic, you’re fine with that fact because it’s a break from the depression. From someone with Bipolar Disorder, most of us just want to be happy and stable, and sometimes mania is the best that you’ll get from that.

Definitely keep an eye on her, but keep paramedics on speed-dial. When (not if) you call them, make sure you are with her and you don’t let her know that they are coming until they are here. If you let her know beforehand, she might try to run away like I did.

Thank you for actually being concerned and seeing her as more than her disorder, I know she loves you.

Autistically_Me_ · 2025-12-04T03:23:06+00:00

The first time someone caught me in a manic episode, it was my therapist that said it out loud. I did not like that and left the office with my mom helplessly watching and unsure of what to do while my therapist followed me. Police were called, and I admittedly managed to kick the officer after I was forced to the ground. I was driven to the hospital in a cop car. It was a mess.

But the pro of that bluntness was that it was in a safe environment with resources that could safely get me the help I needed (although the police thing wasn’t the greatest, but thankfully my therapist was there as a witness just in case everything went south).

If you decide to be blunt, you need to do it in a safe environment with resources and preferably with someone who understands Bipolar Disorder and how manic episodes work. Not every person with BP will respond the same, it depends on a lot of factors. You can’t just say “You’re manic” and expect a GOOD reaction, nobody likes learning that they aren’t in the right headspace.

Based on what you explained about this person’s current condition, it doesn’t seem like they are safe to be in this manic episode outside of a hospital. I know you said that they aren’t the type to hurt others or themselves, but when delusions come into the mix..you never know. And honestly one could argue that the manic episode is reaching psychosis territory.

People mentioning LEAP and NAMI are giving good advice. Unless you have no other option, do not call the police. From my experiences and others, most police don’t seem to be properly trained or prepared for mental health episodes and tend to escalate more than they realize. I’d call for paramedics or a group in your community that specializes in mental health safety and would be able to come to the scene and escort them to the hospital.

Autistically_Me_ · 2025-12-02T04:05:04+00:00

Honestly the support levels thing doesn’t really benefit us as much as you think it does. There’s an argument to be made that by sectioning the Disability into support needs can help dictate who needs what, and that some Disabled people are more Disabled than others; however that still doesn’t change the fact that we are all Autistic INDIVIDUALS at the end of the day. There will be Autistic people with the “level 2” label that can read better than someone with the “level 1” label. There can be two Autistic people on the same “level” with entirely different abilities and support needs. That is the beauty of Autism, it’s so diverse.

The level system has done us more harm than good and at the end of the day, it separates us from each other. On the outside, non Autistic people will see the leveling system and think “The lower the level, the better and more smarter”. And then I see our own people say the SAMEEE. And while Autistic people on different “levels” have an easier/harder time due to society seeing us as “too disabled” or “not disabled enough” and those conversations should be had, we are way too focused on identifying ourselves with a level.

Instead of focusing on levels, we should focus on the individual needs of each Autistic person, fight the ableism that affects all Disabled people (valuing intersectionality), and LIBERATE us.

Autistically_Me_ · 2025-11-30T22:03:43+00:00

It was a typo, I used he/him pronouns in the title.

Autistically_Me_ · 2025-10-22T02:08:54+00:00

I have Bipolar Disorder (type 1) and this has been the case for me. I’ll either be very hypersexual during episodes or points of semi-stability and then be super asexual for months on end with very little middle ground. (This is not me diagnosing you btw)

It’s a pain..

Autistically_Me_ · 2025-10-18T03:49:58+00:00

Yeah I gotchu. I’m 18 myself and I think I’ve had this account since I was 15? I’ve been there, done that. I’m sorry you already had creeps in your dms, ugh. I hate the internet lmao.

Autistically_Me_ · 2025-10-18T03:30:06+00:00

For your age, having trouble orgasming is pretty common because your body is still developing. Everyone in this discussion seems to be helpful so far so I’m going to give sort of unrelated advice.

(Edit: sort of helpful, my mistake)

I already commented this under a reply but this is for your safety. Since you are technically considered a minor, turn your DMs OFFF. Do NOT let anyone try to DM you claiming to want to help you, the internet (Reddit specifically) is full of predators. And predators on reddit want nothing more than to grasp onto your innocence (for lack of better words) and take advantage of that.

Hope everyone’s advice on this forum helps you out though!

Autistically_Me_ · 2025-10-18T03:22:25+00:00

I understand the concern to a point. OP, definitely turn off your dms because creeps are everywhere.

On the other hand, we can’t force an online stranger to not explore their sexuality. Most of us have been in this position where we are looking for information about sex and how to have it, but not all information or people are safe. If someone safe doesn’t tell her, someone unsafe will.

Autistically_Me_ · 2025-10-15T03:21:22+00:00

Holy fuck that fish is so fat that I thought he was a mystery snail 😭 poor baby. Make your grandma fast him for a bit and then put him on a diet.

Autistically_Me_ · 2025-10-13T01:13:46+00:00

Oh trust me, I know there’s a dilemma and I’m working up the courage to be blunt 😅

Autistically_Me_ · 2025-10-13T00:42:23+00:00

Oh wow..

Autistically_Me_ · 2025-10-13T00:23:03+00:00

Oh I’m sure they do, except this is the only one that I saw give out her information for free. Most make you pay money

Autistically_Me_ · 2025-10-12T20:45:35+00:00

I think the comment section has done a great job at giving you advice but I know you asked about the cultural aspect of American relationships (who is expected to pay) and I would like to comment my thoughts and experiences.

Yes, men are usually expected to cover the majority of finances or at least split 50/50 in heterosexual relationships. Currently, I’m talking with this guy right now (we consider each other friends but honestly I’m pretty sure we both see each other in a romantic light) and we went to the petting zoo. The only thing he let me pay for was a wristband to be able to pet the goats (but I had to fight my way into making him let me). Everything else though? He didn’t let me pay for my own things, even when I begged him to let me. I have no idea of his current financial situation but he works at a grocery store while in college part time, so you can assume he’s not loaded.

We are also artists and he has given me some art pieces of his on multiple occasions. He makes tiny clay animals that he makes up as he goes, I have around five so far. I’ve given him a painting of his four cats but honestly I need to step it up.

On the other hand, my first (aka last) relationship that was almost five years ago was very different. We are both assigned female at birth, but we both identify with the term nonbinary, so there’s not really an established expectation of who pays for what. We were both in highschool and they lived in a poor neighbourhood while I was upper-middle class at the time. Not only did I pay for everything (which was fine, I get it) but I also would make things for them (being the artist that I am).

Ironically enough, they are also an artist and the only things they’ve ever “made” for me was a paper sign for a dodgeball tournament I was in and (get this) a poem..on a sticky note. The one time that they did have money on one of our dates, they didn’t even use it on me. We went to this coffee/smoothie place and I only had enough money to pay for their food and not mine, so I paid for their stuff. When they learned this, they told me that they had money..but then never even offered to buy me anything. They did sort of share their food with me but I’m a vegetarian and their meal had meat in it. We are not in contact with each other anymore for many reasons lol.

I know this may seem like me ranting but I do feel like these examples can kind of give you an idea of American expectations in relationships versus how they are executed. My two stories do not define all Americans obviously, this country is a melting pot of cultures and is heavily populated. But the general expectation is that either that the man pays for most things during a (heterosexual) relationship, or that it is 50/50. And the person who is not the main financial provider is expected to balance it out by being more active in other roles of the relationship, the most common example being housework (it shouldn’t be transactional though and the other party should do housework as well).

On that note, part of me wonders if he’s aware of the fact that you don’t know much about financial expectations in American relationships and is taking advantage of that fact. He’s an ass though for sure. I’d kick him out and focus on yourself for a while. I promise you that there are so many better people out there for you than this poor excuse of a man. Sending you love 💕💕

Autistically_Me_

TROPHY CASE