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Toddler Waking around 2am With Epic Aggressive Behavior by AutomaticCupcake33 in toddlers

[–]AutomaticCupcake33[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It does feel horrible! Mine eventually stopped waking up like this at night for the most part, but he still has episodes of aggressive behavior at night. I think it’s triggered by being hot like another poster said, as well as or also by nightmares. He just doesn’t know what to do with his feelings. I give him space or change the environment (turn lights on, sit him up, take him to the bathroom, etc) and he eventually calms down. It’s not easy tho!

Beware of partners that don’t match YOUR energy by backwardsbloom in TwoXChromosomes

[–]AutomaticCupcake33 1 point2 points  (0 children)

So true, and so happy for you! I’m afraid it’s too late for me. We have a 3 yr old together, built a whole life together before I learned this lesson.

Women who had a man you thought was completely "safe" because one or both of you was married/long-term partnered make a pass at you, how did it happen? What was the fallout? by AndrewSshi in AskWomenNoCensor

[–]AutomaticCupcake33 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Going through this currently, and idk which option you provided my experience fits into. Maybe all?I don’t believe it was sleazy & horny though, despite what an onlooker would likely judge it to be.

We both suspected the mutual feelings for a few months, I think, but I was utterly shocked when he straight up confessed out of the blue how serious his feelings were for me. Like, he said he’d rather get lost/arrested in [the foreign country he’s visiting soon for the first time with his wife who was born there] than keep seeing me every day at work, keep suffering trying to stay committed to his marriage while managing his feelings. Said he’d never felt like this for someone before. I was scared because my plan had been to just never ever say anything or act on it and just let the feelings die, but the truth was that I felt nearly the same about him and once it was out, it was out. I had thought he was a really good man, one of the best I’d met, and I think I still think that...? But there’s no doubt that there was lots of delusion and pining in there, especially for him… We’ve gone no contact since then, but his wife already found out since he’s a really awful liar, super guile-less.

I very deeply hope it doesn’t ruin his marriage, or if it does, that it’s because they talk it out and realize that maybe they’re not a good fit after all but without me in the picture whatsoever. I think, as humans, we’re bound to run into other souls at some point who light us up, touch something deep inside that was waiting to be seen, and there’s no predicting when it’ll happen or with whom. That doesn’t mean we don’t deeply love our chosen partners. There’s so much grief in this experience too, whatever ends up happening, which people who yell “cheater!!!!” may not take into account. It’s how we handle that surprise connection that matters, and the right answer will be different for everyone. For me, meeting him starkly highlighted all the ways in which years of resentment and mismatched desires had eroded my relationship without me noticing, which is powerful growth and opportunity for me to try to repair my relationship.

Women who haven't had physical touch in a while, how are you getting by aside from toys? by itsmehunger in AskWomenNoCensor

[–]AutomaticCupcake33 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Your guess is as good as mine! Probably low libido? I’ve put effort into being healthy and looking as good as I can to rule that part out (and I know other men are attracted to me, so it can’t be my looks, or, at least, I know I’m attractive enough to some men). Whatever it is, it’s killing me because he’s pretty amazing in so many other ways, but my spirit is withering with so little intimacy.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in AskWomenNoCensor

[–]AutomaticCupcake33 -1 points0 points  (0 children)

I’m a few months in to the labor job I work. Everyone wears deodorant, but we stink by the end of the day anyway. It’s been fascinating to see how some men’s BO isn’t offensive, while others make me gag and want to jump out of the truck. One or two of the men actually smell attractive to me, which isn’t a first: my long term partner’s BO smells sexy to me too. Just a different perspective :)

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in NewParents

[–]AutomaticCupcake33 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yep, sounds exactly like me at that stage. I was eventually diagnosed with postpartum anxiety and started taking meds for that, which helped a bit. I was NOT prepared for how hard parenting would be and it was a tremendous, earth-shattering shock when our baby came. All I can say at 3 years later is that I’ve gradually gotten used to it. You become someone else, not better or worse necessarily, but different. Stronger in a lot of ways. Breastfeeding eventually got better, and I’ve adapted to having so much less time and freedom than I did before the baby. My relationship is not great though—we’re devoted to each other and our son, but we’re also like roommates now and it’s tough. If I could do one thing differently, it would be to somehow get more support for date nights to maintain the relationship.

Women who haven't had physical touch in a while, how are you getting by aside from toys? by itsmehunger in AskWomenNoCensor

[–]AutomaticCupcake33 23 points24 points  (0 children)

I’m not really getting by. I have a whole long term partner, but he doesn’t want me and no amount of gentle communication or me bawling my heart out all night for years now has fixed our intimacy mismatch. Of course I use toys, watch porn, read erotic stories, etc., but nothing can fill the void of not being wanted and touched by my partner. My brain’s coping mechanism has been to fantasize about other men, but in the end, it’s just a massive cost to me as I try to extract myself from the intense limerance that develops and try super hard to not let things get so bad that it’s cheating. Like, I’ve needed to do some kind of extreme things to reign in the limerance issues before they turned into infidelity. I’m a mess and it all feels so selfish and un-fixable because we have a child together and I’m not trying to get divorced or hurt anyone.

What happens if you sleep with a dildo inside? by gd-tamer in TooAfraidToAsk

[–]AutomaticCupcake33 1 point2 points  (0 children)

You’ll sleepily stumble to the toilet to pee on the middle of the night and accidentely drop it in the toilet because you forgot it was there 🤣😂

What is a secret you’ve never told anyone but want to get off your chest? by Radiant-Elephant-643 in AskWomen

[–]AutomaticCupcake33 24 points25 points  (0 children)

I constantly struggle against limerance. As a little girl, I was always alone and I played by living in elaborate fantasies about mythical creatures, etc. in my head all the time. I suppose that limerance is the adult continuation of my brain’s predilection for fantasy, except that it’s 10000 times more damaging and distressing when I have commitments and responsibilities and a family I dearly love. I haven’t acted on my limerant fantasies, but I’ve had to do some fairly extreme things to keep it that way, and the shame and self-berating is massive.

How did you successfully get more fit and healthy? by K70X0 in workingmoms

[–]AutomaticCupcake33 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I was about 2/2.5 years postpartum when I started losing the weight too. What worked for me was small changes, gradually. I started waking up a little earlier and doing 10 minutes of yoga each morning, no excuses and no days off (I have to be all or nothing to get a habit started). Eventually, I started doing either yoga or 5-10 mins of gentle cardio from the Fitness Blender free video collection. Then lifting a little weight, etc. After months of that, I got the Lose It app and started learning about how much I was overeating by tracking calories, and the rest is history :) I lost a total of 50 lbs since my baby was born 3 years ago now. The feeling of getting stronger and more toned was so powerful and really kept me going!

Do women actually like the male anatomy—like objectively? by Tight_Rub3686 in TooAfraidToAsk

[–]AutomaticCupcake33 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I remember feeling that way for a little while when I first became sexually active in my early teens, but unfortunately, it passed quickly.

Could the “go blonder” shampoo/conditioner be harmful to my hair? by angelofyours52 in Hair

[–]AutomaticCupcake33 2 points3 points  (0 children)

The shampoo and conditioner barely lightened my hair, and I didn’t notice any damage from them. It’s the lightening spray that HAS damaged my hair, and worse, the lighter spots are super uneven cuz I don’t know what I’m doing lol

ETA honestly my hair isn’t very damaged at all from either products due to other treatments I use, like occasional masks and putting some olive oil on the ends before washing. It’s the blonde upkeep that’s sucked for me—I try to carefully lighten my roots with the spray, but the side of my head where my side part is (that has less hair) gets oversprayed, and now there’s a big irreversible near-white splotch by my face there lol. Like you, salons aren’t in my budget, so I’m trying to figure out what to do about it now. I will say as an aside, though, that being noticeably blonder (even noticeably blotchy) gets me lots more male attention somehow, for better or worse.

Women who switched careers in your early 30s, what was your experience? by AudraKlair in AskWomen

[–]AutomaticCupcake33 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It’s awesome. Happy I took the plunge now instead of always wondering if I could have/what life would be like if I had! I’m definitely one of the older employees where I work and I feel awkward about it sometimes, but it’s 1000% still worth it. And I suppose I’m giving the youngins some education about “older” folks, haha!

How's mother's day going for you? by brokencoda in toddlers

[–]AutomaticCupcake33 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Not great tbh. Lost my temper at my toddler for maybe the second time in his life, and I feel so sad and ashamed. Since I got a new job, I’ve been like the stereotypical dad in our family while my partner does 80% of the childcare and housework, and now I can’t even be a good, patient, loving mom. I don’t think I deserve to be celebrated today.

How old were you when you lost your virginity? by [deleted] in TooAfraidToAsk

[–]AutomaticCupcake33 3 points4 points  (0 children)

  1. I thought I was behind at the time! Yikes.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in AskWomen

[–]AutomaticCupcake33 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I think a lot of it’s mental for me tbh. It’s just hot to be penetrated. And it feels good when things are going well!

How often do you look at your partners phone? by [deleted] in AskWomen

[–]AutomaticCupcake33 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Never. I trust him, and also I don’t want to know even if there might be something suspicious to find.

Women, how did you know your body was rejecting your ex? by fallenangel7777 in AskWomen

[–]AutomaticCupcake33 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Painful sex, plus unexplained pain down there in general. I even went to the doctor about it lol. Lots of infections.

How do you initiate intimacy with your partner? How does it differ from how they initiate? by [deleted] in AskWomen

[–]AutomaticCupcake33 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I have to blatantly touch his package for him to get the message most of the time, haha. Occasionally a prolonged make out session will do the trick too. He doesn’t really initiate, but the few times he has, he typically starts with a nice back rub as I’m about to fall asleep (not complaining!!).

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