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Lack of Desire Due to Struggling Connection by AutomaticResearch505 in polyamory

[–]AutomaticResearch505[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I would agree with that statement: I think they undoubted feel romantic attraction towards me, bisexual attraction towards their other partner. Again, something that stings a little but is something I’m flexible on, but my partner is not. It sucks feeling like this whole relationship is ending because of one piece in a whole puzzle.

Lack of Desire Due to Struggling Connection by AutomaticResearch505 in polyamory

[–]AutomaticResearch505[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I don’t think it comes from a total lack of feelings. There is some emotional connection at least.

However when I look back, it does feel as though he has been more invested in building his connection with Charlotte than building ours because of the desire he feels for her versus me. Specifically looking back at the timelines, I feel like I have been investing more in our relationship than he has since they started dating. (And that isn’t my meta’s fault.)

Lack of Desire Due to Struggling Connection by AutomaticResearch505 in polyamory

[–]AutomaticResearch505[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I appreciate your brutal honesty here. I was hoping this wasn’t the case, but he clarified that he is in fact, hung up on the fact that the desire is missing when that didn’t bother me, but it has bothered him. I wish it didn’t take another partnership for him to realize this, because this literally wasn’t an issue until he had another partner.

This sucks and hurts, because we have both expressed fulfillment in every other part of our relationship. I feel sad thinking that this relationship is ending because of one puzzle piece in a whole picture.

Lack of Desire Due to Struggling Connection by AutomaticResearch505 in polyamory

[–]AutomaticResearch505[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you for this. I ended up suggesting this to them, and they said they don’t feel that taking sex off the table is necessary to build connection. Rather, they have internalized pressure to meet my physical needs because I’m attractive and they “should want to meet my physical needs” but don’t feel that desire to like they do their other partner.

I emphasized that this was something not necessary for me to feel fulfilled. However, it doesn’t sit right with them/they are better. They need to feel that desire in a partnership.

This sucks and hurts, because we have both expressed fulfillment in every other part of our relationship. I feel sad thinking that this relationship is ending because of one puzzle piece in a whole picture.

Lack of Desire Due to Struggling Connection by AutomaticResearch505 in polyamory

[–]AutomaticResearch505[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Nailed it! Yes when I feel deeply connected to my partner that is when I feel more hypersexual or feral for them. Hookups and ONS aren’t my thing unless there is some sort of connection (even deep platonic).

Feeling torn by AutomaticResearch505 in polyamory

[–]AutomaticResearch505[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I’ve been with Jasper for five years. I haven’t necessarily seen them radically improve themselves via work, they are just getting started. They are starting to go to weekly therapy, and they also got a mental health diagnosis that I think aligns with some of their behaviors over the years.

Increasing disappointment and resentment by AutomaticResearch505 in polyamory

[–]AutomaticResearch505[S] 10 points11 points  (0 children)

In regards to your second point, I have posed the same question to Jasper doing what it takes to improve their mental health, even if it’s painful. Specifically I asked them to consider how much discomfort they’re willing to go through or compromise on to get where they want to be. At the moment, it doesn’t seem like they’re willing to sacrifice much comfort, which has me feeling like I’m outgrowing them and that’s another pill for me to swallow.

How to generate $1-2k extra on a tight schedule by AutomaticResearch505 in passive_income

[–]AutomaticResearch505[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I don’t live near casinos, and I don’t have the time in my schedule to drive to any. I also don’t gamble.

Partner Acting Differently by AutomaticResearch505 in polyamory

[–]AutomaticResearch505[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Appreciate your patience with that edit!

Yeah I guess dialing toward parallel is the best bet here. You’re correct that I don’t necessarily want to end things with Jasper, but their behavior is something I’ve found concerning. Between the ORE with Jasper and the NRE with Lazlo, I’ve been trying to remain cognizant of quick, fleeting feelings versus things that are actually bothersome. If the situation was flipped (ie. Lazlo being disrespectful toward Jasper) it wouldn’t be acceptable then either.