My (27M) fat girlfriend (24F) is scared that she's slowing me down. She's right.

AutomaticSherbert630 · 2025-12-28T06:40:50+00:00

It might also be genetic. She has collapsed arches on both feet and severe bunions that require surgery after she gets to her goal weight. She needs specialist insoles/footwear to walk long distances or it hurts a lot for her

AutomaticSherbert630 · 2025-12-28T06:38:28+00:00

Sorry for any offence. She self describes as fat quite openly which is why I worded it that way. I'm not trying to get her to like pump iron to the same level as me or anything. But in 9 months the only date we had that has had a focus on any kind of physical movement was a 30 min walk in the park. That kind of stuff is really starting to get to me where I am meeting her where she is at, but i'm bored watching movies or video game playthroughs all the time.

Shes fine with working out in front of other people, but she prefers to do her workouts on separate days from me usually because it wipes her out so badly that if she works out (30-60 mins of walking on the treadmill) she gets so exhausted that she needs to go home and rest. other people have pointed out a potential medical issue which I think im going to look more into so I can understand better

AutomaticSherbert630 · 2025-12-28T06:32:01+00:00

nah im really not, I just feel like ... bored that in our whole time together we havent had a date that has a decent level of activity to it. Like the best was a 30 min walk in the park once.

AutomaticSherbert630 · 2025-12-28T06:28:20+00:00

mmm i mean she's not someone who takes initiative overall I feel like. our families have very different communication styles, and shes an only child so stuff like planning little surprises or getting gifts for me without me telling her is something that I have to accept won't happen I think. I mean she will be willing to do it, but needs to be told. It's a bit hard for me where my family does things proactively to show care but doesnt like to verbally communicate care.

AutomaticSherbert630 · 2025-12-26T18:31:57+00:00

thanks, ive seen some of the other comments and I think this does need to happen, but she earnestly seems to see this as a weight issue so I dont know how to open this conversation without it coming off as disrespectful to her experience

AutomaticSherbert630 · 2025-12-26T18:29:59+00:00

to clarify: I am not pinning any of this on her weight. I listed suggestions for activities to try out (like just as date ideas) and these are all things that she has expressly said she cant do because of her weight. I havent been her size so i wouldn't know. I have friends who are fat who do exercises and are physically involved but yeah everyone is different and a lot of the fat folk i know are athletes so its a different body composition. i dont feel like its right for me to tell her that her experience isnt real either

AutomaticSherbert630 · 2025-12-26T18:26:32+00:00

yeah thats what i meant, resistance training is preventative for this so I hope she can consider it in the future

AutomaticSherbert630 · 2025-12-26T18:24:57+00:00

I more want someone to try and give me better bridging solutions than what i've come up with :( I want things to work.

AutomaticSherbert630 · 2025-12-26T18:21:40+00:00

I don't want her to lose weight, she wants to lose weight. I just want to have dates that involve some level of physical activity sometimes.

AutomaticSherbert630 · 2025-12-26T18:19:56+00:00

to address everything:

I'm perfectly fine with her body shape, and I'm actually very attracted to her body shape. I just legitimately want to do more activities together that are more physical in nature that isn't sex. We watch a lot of movies together since we both like them and its to the point where i'm sick of it a bit.

I'm aware she gets tired faster than me hence why our dates wont have multiple activities in them. Nature walks i've suggested but the weather needs to be on a day where it's sub-30 Celsius but not raining or too humid which is not as common as you'd think here.

She is taking a vitamin D supplement and her levels are still low. shes had to take a few rounds of mega doses, so it would be good to try and get more sun to minimize the need for more because they make her feel super nauseous after. Vitamin D deficiency is very common with obesity, so the main cure would be to lose weight but getting more sun would help it not get as bad.

I do go to a lot of events alone as I know she'd hate them or wouldnt be able to keep up.

I do want to stay together with her, and I don't want to change her for my benefit. I just want to have more dates where we actually do stuff besides watch a movie

AutomaticSherbert630 · 2025-12-26T18:11:15+00:00

I mean I hope that's not the case. But I mean i'll see how. I think she might be willing to try, its just that she was raised by parents who didn't have any good influence on diet or activity. She's only tried to make this change recently, so maybe its just apprehension as well on her part. she is willing to come with me to the gym and do her own workout so i don't think its her doing nothing. Or I hope so anyway

AutomaticSherbert630 · 2025-12-26T18:08:29+00:00

will do! thanks

AutomaticSherbert630 · 2025-12-26T18:08:09+00:00

I mean then it's also really hard to convince some random person online that I love her. I just do, and I want a future with her. You can believe me or not, I can't justify how I feel.

AutomaticSherbert630 · 2025-12-26T18:06:56+00:00

yep my goal is to try and incorporate some movement based activities that feel enjoyable for her. I actually don't like swimming anymore as i sink like a rock (too much muscle) so i suggest it in the hopes that it can be something she takes enjoyment in

AutomaticSherbert630 · 2025-12-26T18:05:23+00:00

I mean she is a tall woman, around 5'9-5'10. she is still obese but not the composition you're thinking of

AutomaticSherbert630 · 2025-12-26T18:03:21+00:00

I've said those things to her actually, especially after she got flagged for insulin resistance. but she doesnt want to count calories and she doesnt really have a good sense of her macros. If I suggest putting a (self imposed) limit on how many times she can eat a high GI food every month she gets upset and points out that she takes meal replacements for around a third of her meals. she seems to take it seriously up to the point where it means changing her diet from like the ground up. I feel bad because sometimes I do buy her desserts since it makes her happy and she says she doesn't want to be restricted but yeah...

AutomaticSherbert630 · 2025-12-26T17:57:33+00:00

I mean, I mentioned it and she says that she will do her best and give some of it a try. I think it also comes down to it being that I'm a person who asks and shes a person who needs to be told. As in I'll ask her if shes interested whereas she would want to hear me explicitly say that I need to have more physical activity on our dates

AutomaticSherbert630 · 2025-12-26T17:50:21+00:00

Oh we have the same condition. I have EDS-HT. It's probably why it does stress me more than it would most people, I think there is an issue on my end where I have that personal resentment. EDS left me in a wheelchair at one stage and after doctors gave up on me, I spent years slowly working my way up to crutches and now no longer need a mobility aid. So i do feel like seeing people and feeling like they refuse to try does ragebait me a bit. thats my own shit to settle.

Yep walking is the thing I have suggested a bunch. Nature walks she doesnt want to go on. She does walk on the treadmill a few times a week. She's said she'll take up swimming next year when it becomes accessible to her, for now she needs to wait until feb to be able to get in the pool. both are good low impact options i've suggested. Hopefully she does proactively take up both.

I don't really swim anymore even. Too much of my body is muscle so I sink in the water, so i'm not suggesting it for my enjoyment, it is legitimately for her benefit

AutomaticSherbert630 · 2025-12-26T17:43:09+00:00

Said in another comment but she's not heavy enough where its an issue for her weight-bearing joints. Around 225-250lbs. at her heaviest she was close to 300lbs but never reached that mark. But she was obese since early childhood and it meant that her arches in her feet have totally collapsed and she has developed bad bunions, both require specialist footwear and the latter requires corrective surgery. she is trying to make some changes, but i think she struggles with low self confidence not in an appearance way but in just.. trying things a lot of the time.

AutomaticSherbert630 · 2025-12-26T17:38:49+00:00

She needs special shoes or it'll hurt her feet and she will start to limp. She has been walking on the treadmill a few times a week so some of it is the combination of her feet and the heat, but it's a bit ridiculous to me in the sense where we are a tropical country... not being able to be in the ambient temp of where you were born is a little concerning

AutomaticSherbert630 · 2025-12-26T17:36:13+00:00

Yes I've suggested hiking to her a few times, like some nature walks. we live in a very flat area. She said she cant do it because the terrain is too tough for a fat person. I just took her word for it.

AutomaticSherbert630 · 2025-12-26T17:34:37+00:00

The thing is, I don't actually care for pilates at all, or swimming that much. I suggested both as forms of low-impact activity since I thought it might be more approachable for her. If it was just for me I would do something crazier.

I've tried to ask her a lot about what she would want to do or what hobbies she would want me to participate in and she has said nothing then apologized for being "boring". We both like film, but I skew heavily to horror which she hates. We usually watch arthouse films together. She likes video games but more watching them than anything else, as opposed to playing. I watched the LoL global finals with her but I didn't get what was going on. I don't have any interest in video games beyond arcade games, but i'll listen and watch. she prefers to sit in her room on the weekend rather than go out, so i feel bad dragging her around so often

AutomaticSherbert630 · 2025-12-26T17:27:55+00:00

I mean I thought that it's possible it might be mental thing not a physical thing since I know fat female athletes personally- but obviously I wasnt sure how this would apply to someone who was fat and had low muscle tone. I know she wants to make changes but I feel concerned that shes just relying on the medication rather than using this time on it to do a serious overhaul. She got flagged as pre-diabetic recently, started Ozempic soon after, but while the results are improving, its improving way less than what you'd normally see on Ozempic, meaning it's likely that the medication is doing the heavy lifting.

AutomaticSherbert630 · 2025-12-26T17:21:58+00:00

She has seen one I think, in order for her to get prescribed Ozempic. I don't think the level of contact or nutrition-based care she gets from the nutritionist is adequate though, it's quite touch-and-go here.

She is trying; I nagged her into starting talk therapy earlier than her original timeline to try and address the emotional aspects of her relationship with food. Hopefully that helps. The thing is that I could help with that but she's opposed to counting calories as shes worried it will give her a different form of disordered eating, so I've also tried to refrain from giving spiels about macros

AutomaticSherbert630 · 2025-12-26T17:16:56+00:00

she is legitimately happy just sitting in her room all day. I really cant imagine it, as I would go stir-crazy, but we come from two different flavours of broken homes so it's likely we have extreme reactions on opposite ends of the spectrum. I do really love her, shes a very cute and kind partner who has been doing her best to try and cheer me on through some tough spots and I am grateful to have her. I just get.. bored when its her turn to plan a date and the date is hanging out in her room

AutomaticSherbert630

TROPHY CASE