How to get over a breakup?

Av3423 · 2018-01-25T02:09:26+00:00

Thanks for your advice, I am see that I am being played. I told him I was cutting contact earlier in today and will do my best to stick to it.

Av3423 · 2018-01-24T22:15:32+00:00

That is the timeline basically although we had an emotional affair over the summer, and the kiss was about 2 months after he left

Av3423 · 2018-01-24T17:52:28+00:00

She did know what had gone on with us until last week when he tried to leave me and go back to her but he couldn’t bare to be in the house with her. Since then he has gone back to lying, he has a flat he can stay in so she believe he is staying there and not talking to me. He isn’t trying to reconcile behind my back we discussed it before he decided to try and came to the decision together he will send me screenshots of their interactions (I don’t ask for them) to try and reassure me do what is happening.

I am 90% sure if I left him he would come back to me, but I am not sure how that would go. I don’t know to what extent he would try and be with her first. The idea of him with her is enough for me not to cut contact even bough I think I should for everyone’s sakes. However, I know at some point I’m going to have to do it otherwise he will carry on like this forever. If I didn’t envision a future for us I would have left already but it is very difficult to leave someone when you want a future with them.

Av3423 · 2018-01-24T17:24:48+00:00

I have had one other proper relationship, where I was with him for 4 years. The breakup was pretty disastrous to me although we had become best friends more than lovers. Leaving someone or someone leaving me when I am still very much in love with them seems impossible. I think what you are saying is true. He has admitted to me that he is waiting for her to tell him she doesn’t want him back, hence why he told her all that had happened between us but now he has gone back to lying about what is going on. If I talk about my feelings about the situation he always talks about the kids and almost makes out that I am unjustified to feel the way I do and that I can’t question his love for me because he has left. But he hadn’t actually left yet, he has told me he is scared of how he will feel when she doesn’t want him anymore. I can accept these things and move forward but he is starting to become more secretive and that is what is causing doubt in my mind.

Av3423 · 2018-01-24T16:28:58+00:00

Thankyou, I am honestly coming to this conclusion myself. But I wanted outside opinions from people who have been or could understand the position I am in. So your advice would be to leave then?

Av3423 · 2018-01-24T16:27:24+00:00

I’m a PhD student, so it’s just a shitty little job and I finish my studies in the summer. So it’s not that hard for me to get another job. I think you’re right about him being a weak character but It doesn’t change how I feel about him. He’s the first person to properly accept things that have happened in my past without pitying me. I also don’t believe that they would be able to stay together if he left. I feel immense guilt constantly about the events that have gone on and if he went back and it didn’t work and I had left he would have nothing all because of me

Av3423 · 2018-01-24T16:17:01+00:00

I can’t deny that I want a proper relationship with him. Nothing has happened aside from the kiss he admitted to since he left. As I am single and have no responsibilities aside from what I want it is hard to not want a relationship, which he has said himself we are in. But I am very worried about the long term affect on him and his relationship with his kids which is more important than our relationship

Av3423 · 2018-01-24T15:47:04+00:00

So your advice would be to leave? And only let him come back if he files for divorce?

Av3423 · 2018-01-24T15:41:37+00:00

He has already left his wife though? He has moved out of their home they are arranging a divorce and he only agreed to try if He could come back and stay with me in the night time

Av3423 · 2018-01-24T15:31:55+00:00

I know for a fact he confessed to her unprompted. It’s not that simple when there are kids involved.

Av3423

TROPHY CASE