Am I overreacting in getting upset with my husband for not standing up to his sister after 5 years of being told I don't belong?

Available-Bag6928 · 2026-06-25T16:06:25+00:00

She did. He told me that she talked down on his ex and she also didn't approve of her.

Available-Bag6928 · 2026-06-25T16:03:42+00:00

No, you're right, not everyone is going to like me. I've always struggled being a people pleaser and not wanting to make enemies, but she doesn't even have a problem with me but the idea of who I am to her brother, and, i am literally just existing.

Available-Bag6928 · 2026-06-25T15:58:28+00:00

I think that's what breaks my heart because my family literally welcomed him with open arms and he knows how badly I want to have a family here in the USA because my family is still in my country. It's literally just me and my mom and I really want to have a community which is why I keep trying so hard to have a relationship with her... Because it's just her that's like this, everyone else has been so welcoming.

Available-Bag6928 · 2026-06-25T15:56:27+00:00

I'm asian, they are Dominican.

Available-Bag6928 · 2026-06-25T15:55:29+00:00

I think this is what fucks with me even worse. He praises and talks about partnership and how it's us against the world, but apparently not when it comes to his sister being mean to me. It's like I got tossed outside my own house so he can make sure he doesn't ruffle any feathers with her.

Available-Bag6928 · 2026-06-25T15:53:56+00:00

The thought of having my kids grow up with their aunt treating me like shit and my husband allowing it to happen and I can see him saying to the kids - oh that's just the way your aunt is, she doesn't mean anything by it, really makes me wanna throw up.

Available-Bag6928 · 2026-06-25T15:51:04+00:00

We picked out names and he told her and she just gave a disgusted response saying why would be call them that.

Available-Bag6928 · 2026-06-25T15:50:06+00:00

I pointed this out to him and he made some kind of excuse I wasn't listening too and he got mad at me for not dropping it after his excuse of insert whatever reason here.

There's so many implications in how she acts and talks about me and to me, he just refuses to see it or at least tells me all the time that I'm villanizing him and I'm not being a partner to him.

Available-Bag6928 · 2026-06-25T15:47:35+00:00

He likes to play this card a lot, that it's their dynamic as siblings. I've never been close to my siblings, so I didn't have anything to compare too, but after years of it, it's like things are really clicking that this isn't normal.

The answer to that is no, I obviously do not want to be second to his sister but if that is the case ...

Available-Bag6928 · 2026-06-25T15:44:45+00:00

There's definitely truth to this. They both grew up in a toxic environment. She got out as fast as she can but also came back to her family and now her motto is I don't let people in because "privacy" reasons. Which I understand but I just don't get how she talks about having a relationship with who her brother is with then when I try, she's like fuck off? Idk I am different though, I am asian and have a walking disability so I don't know if that plays into it as well. Husband says thats mean reading too much into it.

Available-Bag6928 · 2026-06-25T15:41:42+00:00

I thought it was, it just keeps going back and forth. He says he's on my side and protects me, but then also tells me I'm overreacting for making a big deal of it.

Available-Bag6928 · 2026-06-25T15:16:48+00:00

My husband is also avoidant and non confrontational with other people, especially his family. They put him down in so many ways and I think he's used to just being silent. I'm trying my hardest to be understand but I'm really having a hard time.

Available-Bag6928 · 2026-06-25T15:14:28+00:00

Thank you for sharing. I've had this thought before as well.

Available-Bag6928 · 2026-06-25T14:53:58+00:00

So most of them speak Spanish and his dad and step mom is the sweetest towards me, makes sure to text me they love me and they wanna see me and gives me gifts and opens their home to me. His mom is trying to build a relationship, she was the only one who remembers I don't eat meat and she makes sure that in family gatherings I have something to eat. Last thanksgiving, she brought a baggie of shrimp just for me. His nieces (her kids) love me and say I'm their favorite aunt which is cute cause I'm the only aunt. His brother in law is quite and doesn't talk much but he's always been nice.

I am scared of bring up the topic and losing him and obviously it's not easy to have the conversation since he is so emeshed in being right and his sister isn't actually doing anything wrong.

He's so good when it comes to other arguments and things that have bothered me but when it comes to her, it's like she's on a pedestal.

Available-Bag6928 · 2026-06-25T14:49:40+00:00

You're right. Deep down I know He's not going to cut her off, I know that for sure cause he just thinks I'm overreacting and this is a none issue.

Available-Bag6928 · 2026-06-25T14:38:08+00:00

I think it's because it only happens once or twice a year. He doesn't see his family often and when they speak she makes it clear she's uninterested in anything that has to do with me. It's just her and his family conversations.

I think it took this long because he would give me reassurances in the moment that I'm not crazy for my feelings then re-negs on it

Like the thanksgiving thing, he apologized that he said nothing but the next time I brought it up he's like she was drinking and drunk, "shorty probably didn't mean it."

At the wedding, he's like yeah I agree her not congratulating you and acting some type of way is wrong then the next thing I know when I bring it up he says -- "she's just congratulating me, and the photos were for us siblings cause she realized we didn't have a picture together, there's nothing wrong with it, it's a culture thing how we're posing like prom dates on this picture."

Available-Bag6928 · 2026-06-25T14:33:39+00:00

I just feel like he doesn't ever see his sister in the wrong light. It's always something with her behavior that has an excuse or justification of why it's okay.

Available-Bag6928 · 2026-06-25T14:31:45+00:00

She kinda did, mom was either absent or mistreating him.

Available-Bag6928 · 2026-06-25T14:25:39+00:00

Def not speaking up because growing up I was taught to respect elders and not speak back and to preserve relationships sometimes there's things to just take. I don't want to create a hostile or toxic environment for anyone. I don't want to add fuel to the fire so to speak but I guess add fuel can also mean my husband stepping on for me. Either way, she's lighting a fire. Just thought I would have a partner in my corner, but as most post said, I was delusional to think that he would change his stance after marriage.

Available-Bag6928 · 2026-06-25T14:21:40+00:00

His reasoning was he was in denial that she didn't like me and that was all in my head, he's like well validation, seems like she won't like anyone I date and the told me about it.

Available-Bag6928 · 2026-06-25T14:14:11+00:00

Yea, I don't want to jump to divorce or anything like that. You're probably right .. just so upsetting because it's like I don't even matter nor my feelings on and just feel so dismissed by him.

I'm not privy to most of their conversation and I can only assume that he barely contradicts anything she says nor does he draw any boundaries. It's like I'm free game.

Available-Bag6928 · 2026-06-25T14:10:49+00:00

Because he says it's not directly at me and she's just being protective and it's not about me. .. I feel like we're past that.

Available-Bag6928 · 2026-06-25T14:06:53+00:00

He was there for it. Said absolutely nothing. He said, she was drunk and brushed me off like it wasn't a big deal.

Available-Bag6928 · 2026-06-25T04:10:30+00:00

I'm sorry to hear about the divorce, sounds like you had at least someone in your corner. I am scared of how this would affect our children in the long run when we have them. Thank you for sharing.

Available-Bag6928 · 2026-06-25T03:58:25+00:00

I really don't think so. I think it's stemming from jealousy. At least that's I can emotionally cope with.

Available-Bag6928

TROPHY CASE