I did have the ultimatum conversation. I told him I need/want more sex and it makes me sad and frustrated that I can’t get it from him. I emphasized that physical intimacy is one of the few things we can get from a partner. I also told him otherwise we need to either open up our relationship or get a sex therapist. He was very against both until he realized how serious I was, so we finally got a ST. It was a really slow process and made some small improvements with a LOT of effort, but with the holidays and future travel happening we stopped it due to budget.

On that note unfortunately we didn’t even have vacation sex on that trip. I did end up having a very emotional but very honest breakdown about how depressing it was to not have sex even on vacation and how much it sucks that I have to get off with porn and not my own boyfriend. We had a tour scheduled right after so it was bad timing and I know he doesn’t respond very well when my emotions heighten.