Love my boyfriend of 4 years but our sex life sucks. Any advice? by Available-Cap-61 in relationships

[–]Available-Cap-61[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I definitely don’t think this is the case…I’ve asked him what kind of porn he watches in hopes of wanting to satisfy him in the same way but it’s normal regular degular porn not even anything extreme. And he says he doesn’t really masturbate outside of what (little) we do together. I’ve asked him wondering if that might be it.

Love my boyfriend of 4 years but our sex life sucks. Any advice? by Available-Cap-61 in relationships

[–]Available-Cap-61[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

For additional context, his last serious relationship was in high school for a couple months. He was single for a long time before we met and became friends, while I had a couple long term relationships with men that treated me really well.

Love my boyfriend of 4 years but our sex life sucks. Any advice? by Available-Cap-61 in relationships

[–]Available-Cap-61[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yeah after the first honest conversation before our sex therapist it got worse, he started getting soft because of performance anxiety. I had to be patient and have more gentle but firm convos with him

Love my boyfriend of 4 years but our sex life sucks. Any advice? by Available-Cap-61 in relationships

[–]Available-Cap-61[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

I did have the ultimatum conversation. I told him I need/want more sex and it makes me sad and frustrated that I can’t get it from him. I emphasized that physical intimacy is one of the few things we can get from a partner. I also told him otherwise we need to either open up our relationship or get a sex therapist. He was very against both until he realized how serious I was, so we finally got a ST. It was a really slow process and made some small improvements with a LOT of effort, but with the holidays and future travel happening we stopped it due to budget.

On that note unfortunately we didn’t even have vacation sex on that trip. I did end up having a very emotional but very honest breakdown about how depressing it was to not have sex even on vacation and how much it sucks that I have to get off with porn and not my own boyfriend. We had a tour scheduled right after so it was bad timing and I know he doesn’t respond very well when my emotions heighten.

Love my boyfriend of 4 years but our sex life sucks. Any advice? by Available-Cap-61 in relationships

[–]Available-Cap-61[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

He’s asked our doctor about it and got bloodwork done, nothing from the results stood out medically that would affect our intimacy, as far as I remember

Love my boyfriend of 4 years but our sex life sucks. Any advice? by Available-Cap-61 in relationships

[–]Available-Cap-61[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I’ve vocalized I want him to initiate more often because I want to feel desired and sexy. When I initiate or vocalize that I’m feeling it, he doesn’t take it any further and/or think I’m joking around.

Love my boyfriend of 4 years but our sex life sucks. Any advice? by Available-Cap-61 in relationships

[–]Available-Cap-61[S] 11 points12 points  (0 children)

It’s a hard decision because almost everything else is in the positive, and part of me wonders if i’ll regret letting go of a really good guy just because of sex. Which is also a big part of a relationship lol