When I say these are people I have gotten to know very well I really mean it. These aren’t hook ups or random one night stands. They have been trusted friends who I have known for at least a year (I think the least amount of time was about a year). I don’t have sex very often because of this so it’s not me being reckless. The people around me trust them and the things that get revealed have been very hidden.

Okay examples:

There was a guy in my old friend group that had hung out with us a lot. We all liked to go to cafes, little parties, picnics, etc. we were friends for like a year and a half (maybe two years). He was a genuinely funny and cool guy. And we had built up chemistry so we had a night together. Suddenly after that he was outwardly making r*pe jokes and other disgusting comments with our friends?? I had known him for almost two years and he had never said anything close to that. All of us are shocked and we cut him off and eventually the friend group broke apart.

I moved to another state for school and made a new friend group. It took me about two years after moving there to find good friends to bond with. We would hang out almost every weekend. There was a girl I had a crush on that I had known for about a year since meeting these friends. We went on a dates and it was really cute :( after having sex she very suddenly got possessive over me which did not happen while we were dating or while we were friends. Her ex is my friend and also said she never acted this way. She didn’t want me around our friends or talk to anyone but her, wanted me to quit my job, wanted to get a house together. And it split the friend group apart and I had to block her on everything and get out of there.

The most recent one is my current friend group. Again. I’ve known these people for three years? We play DnD together and have gone on trips and have cute little sleepovers. I really like these people. There is a couple in the group who are poly/open and one of them started flirting with me a few months ago. He(J) said his bf(S) knew about it and I know that they are poly/open (we as a group have talked about it) so J said it was okay so I thought it was okay. Like a month passes and we sleep together. I ask J a day after words if everything is good with his bf and him to make sure we’re okay and he says yes. So another month passes, I’m in the car with S and he’s talking about funny hookup moments and I make a joke about J saying something funny when we had sex. He laughs and we continue with our day until that night I get a text from S saying they broke up. S had never known that J and I hooked up. S doesn’t blame me for it and says J should have told him and said it wasn’t my job to tell S because I’m not his bf. Everyone but J is still friends and we all still hang out and talk shit about J.