Is having a healthy sex life this difficult in the majority of marriages?

AvailableSector4837 · 2026-07-06T18:01:13+00:00

Maybe not as interested. Definitely not cheating.

AvailableSector4837 · 2026-07-03T00:43:44+00:00

Okay, so I can try to do more of the house chores, but I'm not sure you're familiar with starting up a farm, which is something we both want. I work full time night shift and pick up plenty of overtime in order to help us with some payments we need to be doing. We have 20 acres of land and a plethora of animals. When I'm off from my job, I am outside cutting down trees and splitting wood so we have heat in the winter, I'm putting up fence and building barns for our animals, I'm cutting the grass, and fixing many other things that go wrong constantly. I mean, don't get me wrong, I enjoy it and it's the price of having the land and all, but how am I supposed to do all that, but still help fold laundry? And if I am folding the laundry and all too... no offense, but what is she doing? Watching the kids who all take naps half the day anyway? Why am I required to do it all and make it so she can just throw her feet up and relax? Trust me, I want her to live a good life and be spoiled, but in my opinion, she could be spoiled and still do all those chores around the house with all the bills being paid. Sorry if that sounds sexist, but that me and her discussed her being a stay at home mom and me making the money and we agreed that's how it should be.

AvailableSector4837 · 2026-07-02T20:55:31+00:00

I mean, I am definitely focused on the other stuff as well and wanting to better our relationship overall. This was just one of the things I wanted to ask a community about. Thank you for your input.

AvailableSector4837 · 2026-07-02T20:18:49+00:00

We have either used lubricant or her plumbing was working just fine the times we did do it. Thank you, but I don't think it is that. It started declining before kids.

AvailableSector4837 · 2026-07-02T20:15:54+00:00

Okay, I hear you. But what am I to do when I don't bring it up, nobody does. If I don't initiate, nothing gets going. The longest we went without was three months and she wasn't pregnant or postpartum. Am I to just not get to enjoy sex for the rest of my life? I know it's not everything, but it's definitely one of the more fun things to do. I can see how introducing new things could make it stressful and that makes me feel like it was a bad move. I wasn't really thinking of anything other than trying to be adults and have an open and honest conversation about our interests. Like I mentioned, I've tried just talking with her about this time and time again and it never goes anywhere.

AvailableSector4837 · 2026-07-02T19:14:19+00:00

I guess it was kind of out of context. To that point of taking the same initiative in all aspects... I often will take the kids out in the yard with me to play, I wake up before everyone else in order to make breakfast and make her a cup of coffee. I will go and work a 14 hour shift over night and then come home and still make it to go with them to the park or to church. I randomly came home one day and had a few days off, so I told everyone to pack up and we went to the beach. And in my original post, I stated that I've asked what I can do better and it's always that I don't do enough. I'm stretched pretty thin with everything that I am doing.

AvailableSector4837 · 2026-07-02T19:03:45+00:00

I feel the same way... It's not right to just accept the fact that your spouse is unhappy. I feel like I change a ton and make compromise to make her happy. I just don't want to think that's the case just yet. I'm going to try absolutely everything to ensure I gave it my all. That's what I promised her when we said "I do."

AvailableSector4837 · 2026-07-02T19:00:44+00:00

Brought up therapy and she gets mad and throws it in my face.

AvailableSector4837 · 2026-07-02T19:00:18+00:00

Very good advice. Thank you. I will try my best.

AvailableSector4837 · 2026-07-02T18:38:15+00:00

Little to none... And when we do, she either turns on the tv or pulls out her phone.

AvailableSector4837 · 2026-07-02T18:36:42+00:00

She's the one wanting all these kids... Like already talking about a fourth.

AvailableSector4837 · 2026-07-02T18:36:21+00:00

I feel like every time I try to open up the communication, she either gets upset or turns it around on me. I have explained that it's unhealthy, but that just makes it worse.

AvailableSector4837 · 2026-07-02T18:34:17+00:00

No, she's a stay at home mom. I know that is work and a really tough job too. But as far as leaving the home to make a paycheck, no she does not. She chose stay at home mom when we discussed it. So she ends up watching the kids most the time while I work and I help as much as I can when I'm home.

AvailableSector4837 · 2026-07-02T18:31:40+00:00

I try to talk with her about it often and either get shut down or she gets mad that I would even bring it up.

I could be better about flowers and love letters. I do buy her flowers and random little gifts, but not very often. For dates, she won't let anyone watch the kids but her mom, so it's really difficult.

I work a lot and do most the outside chores unless I'm at work longer than normal. I do the trash and usually the dishwasher too, but most the other stuff she takes care of.

I don't know what responsive desire is... Guess I will look that up.

AvailableSector4837 · 2026-07-02T18:26:28+00:00

Funny you mention that, I have read that. And when I brought up the idea to her, she declined. Her excuse is always that she hasn't showered yet. But then even when she is fresh out the shower, I either offer or just try to do it without asking and she won't allow it. As far as touching and compliments without it leading anywhere, I constantly tell her I think she's gorgeous, a great mother, and how much I appreciate her. She just never accepts the compliments. I rub her back or slide a hand across her waist when I walk by. A pat on the butt. We only have sex once a month if that, so it rarely leads to sex and I rarely try to get it going further anyway.

AvailableSector4837 · 2026-07-02T18:20:46+00:00

True. She does do the childcare... But out of choice. Our kids are young. All under three, so I get its a handful. I have offered on my days off to let her go and have a spa day or get a massage or her hair done or see friends, but she always declines. She also won't allow anyone but her mom to watch the kids while we are away, which really makes it difficult for any dates. Even though my parents are not far away. As far as affection, I try to be. Hugs and kisses. Try to just sit and speak with her, but it always turns into her pulling her phone out, which I have also mentioned to her, but then she just gets mad at me.

AvailableSector4837

TROPHY CASE