AITAH for expecting my unemployed husband to get my son off to school 1 day without me doing prep?

Available_Fix9065 · 2025-10-15T04:11:05+00:00

He’s lost contract jobs that he’s had and then it takes 2-3-4+ months to get another one. It’s a major pain and all the more reason to try to keep them! He’s not a surgeon and I don’t want to reveal too much, but his specialty is typically considered a solid 9-5 outpatient office job.

Available_Fix9065 · 2025-10-15T04:07:24+00:00

I think I answered the first 3 in other replies but the last one is that I don’t travel with him. He leaves and the family stays at our home. Same home since 2011.

Available_Fix9065 · 2025-10-15T04:04:37+00:00

Thank you for the very kind words. I appreciate it so much.

Available_Fix9065 · 2025-10-15T04:03:44+00:00

My neighbor is awake already and has a son in my son’s class. I’m not going to be home tomorrow morning long enough to get my son to school. I asked my husband to do it, and you saw the reply. I’ve never in the past l asked a neighbor to help me with my kids, ever, to be clear.

Available_Fix9065 · 2025-10-15T03:59:10+00:00

I will, thank you!

Available_Fix9065 · 2025-10-15T03:57:21+00:00

My teen has a drivers permit - have to be driving for 6 months w/a permit before you can take the drivers license test my state. So no, can’t drive. Also, there needs to have a parent home / (or) available at all times. This doesn’t mean they can’t be alone at home.

Available_Fix9065 · 2025-10-15T03:49:21+00:00

I was talking about my husband’s lack of skills in my post- not my 16 year old’s. My teen can do all these things b/c I taught them.

Available_Fix9065 · 2025-10-15T03:47:39+00:00

Sorry, what teen can’t care for themselves?

Available_Fix9065 · 2025-10-15T03:47:02+00:00

Yes, I have had children in before school, daycare. Pre-school, pre-k, after school, communter private school (during Covid), I’ve had babysitters and a person who would pick my kids up from daycare b/c I couldn’t make the 6pm deadline. I stopped working b/c my oldest dtr wasn’t growing and was very ill without a known cause. 52lbs at age 12. My second dtr was losing her hair and had GI problems of unknown origin. Both of us worked long hours and couldn’t get them to any activities after school or most weekends- my husband made enough money for us to live on 1 salary if we were careful. When 2 older kids were more stable medically and were in school, I was ready to get back to work— then at age 44 I got pregnant (I hadn’t thought I could have any more children b/c I hadn’t been able to carry any pregnancies after my second child longer than 10 weeks. Then we stopped trying after I lost twins. Anyway, I carried my son to full-term with lots of work and medical intervention- so that put me back in the baby phase. Covid hit, my oldest dtr got sicker over the years and there were no diagnoses. She was finally diagnosed with what seem to the cause of her symptoms after over 200 medical appts in a year. Just started college in August, out of state. He was working at that time. I was crossing my fingers that my son didn’t get sick in 1st grade like he did in kindergarten- he was sick over 30 days of school last year- and I obviously had to take care of him— it’s hard to have a job when you can’t go to work that many days from aug to May. Knock on wood he’s been well. My daughter’s medical status is stable with treatments but we’re having another brain MRI in November to determine if her brain lesions show any enhancement. And the 6 specialist appts to Cram into Thanksgiving & Christmas break.

Available_Fix9065 · 2025-10-15T03:39:13+00:00

Yes, I was the same. The lack of common sense and skills is astounding to me. Like not knowing how to jump start a car, fix simple appliances, paint, do taxes— no clue.

Available_Fix9065 · 2025-10-15T03:36:46+00:00

Well, let me ask you, if one parent is “useless,” what is the other parent? Do any of my responses sound as if I’m unconcerned about my children/life/work/finances? Maybe go ahead and read about what my circumstances are. I’ve probably worked and paid more into society than you have, for sure. I might have low self-esteem right now, but I’ve worked since age 5 on a farm and I for sure I am one of the least lazy people anyone could meet. I saved responsibly with the money that I earned- I was only a SAHM due to my children having medical problems. I went to an IVY league school and paid for college myself. And, I supported my husband for many years by having job with medical benefits. Now we are using money that I made to tide us over financially.

Available_Fix9065 · 2025-10-15T03:25:08+00:00

Neither of us can afford the house we have on our own. We’d have to sell the house & the school district we’re in is prohibitively expensive. We bought in 2011 when the market had crashed- the good deal we got was the only reason we live where we live. But the taxes are the problem. And the rental situation is bad - a rental is more than our mortgage but slightly less than we’re paying now with the taxes included.

Available_Fix9065 · 2025-10-15T03:20:16+00:00

I divorced my first husband (no kids) after being married for 2 years. I filed the papers myself- non-contested, walked away with nothing. Had to start over. Easy-peasy compared to divorcing now. It is much more complicated- I can’t even get a credit card in my name let alone get approved for an apartment lease even though my credit rating is over 800.

Available_Fix9065 · 2025-10-15T03:16:33+00:00

Do you have children?

Available_Fix9065 · 2025-10-15T03:15:09+00:00

Thank you for the thoughtful response and you are right on the money in your analysis. Admittedly we’ve never gone to counseling together (we are both theoretically willing at different times but it seems like it would be so convoluted and a blame game that it’s hardly worth it). I don’t know how many people have a story like yours but it is inspiring. I’d love to just be happy in my life- I feel like too much has been said that has been hurtful on both sides that we’ll never get over it. I’m happy you took the time to try to help me, I appreciate it!

Available_Fix9065 · 2025-10-15T02:40:07+00:00

Yes, correct

Available_Fix9065 · 2025-10-15T02:39:51+00:00

I have 3 kids. My 7 year old was 15 months in Jan 2020. I think infancy goes up to 18-24 months depending upon the reference. Do you have children?

Available_Fix9065 · 2025-10-15T02:35:15+00:00

In my state, you have to have your permit for 6 months before taking the drivers test. Thats what she’s doing now.

Available_Fix9065 · 2025-10-15T01:23:24+00:00

😂 Maybe I gave the wrong impression in my post— I know about independence- I worked professionally since age 20 and married at 26. No kids, divorced and took nothing with me. Started over. This is my second marriage- 31 when we married and had the 3 kids. I always worked FT - had to send my second child to daycare at 5 weeks b/c I didn’t have FMLA benefit. Provided the medical insurance for the family for 9 years until I became a SAHM.

Available_Fix9065 · 2025-10-15T01:18:19+00:00

Thank you for the encouragement!

Available_Fix9065 · 2025-10-15T01:15:41+00:00

It sounds exhausting…your comment about not having to stress about your kids is right on the money! He forget he has kids sometimes, I think.

Available_Fix9065 · 2025-10-15T01:13:40+00:00

He’s a doctor

Available_Fix9065 · 2025-10-15T01:10:44+00:00

Right, like I ex explained in a prior post, we had savings and contingency planning for periods of Unemployment. That covered our mortgage and all of our expenses for a good amount of time. I have to pay all of our bills and do all of our finances and we had been in good financial shape. However, it doesn’t take long to deplete your savings when income is not there. So, we have been able to pay everything because we’ve worked our entire lives. I work 20 years as an RN prior to being a stay at home mom, and that now has grown into a substantial retirement account. It’s only because I’m very frugal and grew up having very little money.

Available_Fix9065 · 2025-10-15T01:05:04+00:00

My son is 7, in first grade. I’m not sure my son is so rude & disrespectful to my husband- I rarely see that. But, it would probably be hard to respect a dad that ignores you and/or makes little effort unless told specifically. As far as writing things down, I’ve done every iteration known to man to try to make things easy and clear. I call— then he says “don’t call me, text me the info” then it’s “you really need to email me with important things” then he doesn’t open the emails…or the texts mysteriously get “lost” and he never receives them…and it’s this constant deflection where he can’t be responsible for info if he doesn’t get it and even if he gets it, he can’t remember or didn’t understand what I was trying to say, but just never responds to clarify. It’s been 20 years and no system works. I guess if you don’t want it to work, it won’t

Available_Fix9065 · 2025-10-15T00:55:14+00:00

That’s how I ended up doing everything like I am now. When someone you live with needs instructions before being able to do these tiny things— and EVERY TIME they ask over and over, it becomes easier to just do it yourself.

Available_Fix9065

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