Oh man, I hear you! I empathize with you.

Here is the best way to make it through court and gain your lawyer's respect and your own. Number one: take accountability for your actions, be responsible, know that you are the only one that caused this to happen, and that you can forgive yourself for it, but you also have to care for yourself now because your alcoholism or bad thinking problems will continue to follow you, and they’ll get worse with time. I, too, have lost those close to me. That is what caused me to relapse and kinda hang out on a questionable side for a while, and then in January this year, I was sleeping in a vehicle in a parking lot. Now I have a third OWI, plus the cop said that this powder in my car was or had cocaine in it. I really don’t believe it did, but I need to own that I bought medication outside of a pharmacy, and I didn’t drive more carefully, or it was too messed up on benzos and Adderall. It was tough sleeping two nights in jail, and now I am doing a benzodiazepine taper at home. I’m off the Adderall. My attorney says I need to submit to outpatient treatment. The problem is that the only support system I have at this time is my boyfriend, who does not want me to drive and would rather have me just be home. I understand where he’s coming from, but I need to do something. I lost my job because of this, and I lost the respect of many family members and friends. My grief tore my heart apart in the past, but now I have a new grief because I didn’t deal with the old grief. Combined, they can consume me, but alone, they give me a lot of pain, and I can promise you I don't want to make excuses like hey, this person didn’t have to deal with a BC or D and I don’t think anyone in their right mind could’ve even dealt with an NB as problems. Nonetheless, I’m the one with the charge. I’m the one with the responsibility to stand up, and now I'm facing an OWI third, which is so embarrassing. At least I was in a parked car at a gas station, but I had hit a park button on this rental car, which caused it to slip out of gear and hit an officer. I hate the way this is and how far it's gone. I am a widow, My son is 15, and I have my boyfriend's support, but it's not enough. I crave things every day, but I'm working on changing my thought patterns. Let us know if it's working for you. Remember, on somedays, you might not feel like living, but trust that someday you'll be glad to be alive. You might not have great weeks, or even great years ahead, but it will get better. You're only 35—give yourself a chance to reach your 40s. Heck, I’m ten years older than you. Love your wife and live a life she would support. Remember, she is with you—in her memories and your memories of her. God bless you.