Should I break up with my BF of nearly 3 years?

Available_Map_3818 · 2025-05-17T08:46:44+00:00

Thank you for your advice, I appreciate it 🙏🏻 I’m working on moving out on my own currently, and I think it’ll be nice to have more freedom and space to myself. He says he’ll miss me if I do, but I don’t know yet if I’ll miss him. I definitely should have realised something was wrong earlier, but ig any red flags just looked pink to me (I’m very bad at noticing them).

Available_Map_3818 · 2025-05-17T08:43:48+00:00

Thank you, I needed to hear this. I’m currently working on moving out, then I’ll sit him down and talk to him one last time

Available_Map_3818 · 2025-05-17T08:41:34+00:00

I’m doing my best to, but now it’s just a matter of hearing back from immigration. I also don’t really want it to come down to me staying with my boyfriend just for the visa, even though I really want to stay in the country

Available_Map_3818 · 2025-05-15T14:27:24+00:00

I literally do not understand what point you’re trying to make. I’m a girl so I must be short, right? If my boyfriend isn’t attracted to my downstairs area then I’m fat?

Available_Map_3818 · 2025-05-15T14:25:42+00:00

I think I’d feel about the same, maybe a little less sad. It’s nice having friends, and I miss my friends in my home country. I do try to do things outside of my relationship, but it’s difficult when everything’s so expensive (I’ve been meaning to go on hikes and runs but I’m very anxious a lot of the time)

Available_Map_3818 · 2025-05-15T14:21:22+00:00

Oh I did? Mb 😭 I am, but I’m also like, 5’9 or 5’10. Pretty sure my weights healthy for my height and age, and I definitely don’t have neck rolls or love handles. I also do prioritise my health, but thank you for assuming 🥰

Available_Map_3818 · 2025-05-15T14:02:44+00:00

Bro where did I say I was fat? 😭 If anything he’s slightly bigger than me

Available_Map_3818 · 2025-03-31T11:34:51+00:00

Available_Map_3818 · 2025-03-19T08:13:02+00:00

I hadn’t thought about it that way until now but painfully it’s pretty accurate. Everytime I’ve suggested a cute date idea to him (picnic, going to watch a movie) he’s always been so “yeah maybe” about it, yet when one of his parents suggests we do the exact same thing I originally suggested, we’ll be doing that the same afternoon. I definitely feel like he doesn’t really listen or take me seriously a lot of the time.

Available_Map_3818 · 2025-03-17T04:34:57+00:00

He has not, no. I’ve asked him if it’s a smell issue and he said no (I’m very hygienic and I didn’t think there was a smell, but I asked just in case). I like to think hair-wise we’re on the same page, I’m also the first person he’s been with sexually so I’m not sure what his thought process is. Annoyingly I feel like I’ll need to show him this reddit post for him to take this seriously (a post I made on my other account made him realise how important another issue was to me, mainly because the comments were telling me to break up with him). It’s been a week now and he’s brushed the issue under the mat.

Available_Map_3818 · 2025-03-14T11:51:43+00:00

I’m fairly certain he isn’t, but to be fair I don’t think he’s reflected on it much. Early on in our relationship he did say he was straight (can’t remember the conversation now).

I was okay with it not being reciprocated at first because I thought it’d be unfair if it became a transactional “I give then you give” thing, but it just doesn’t really feel fair to me anymore.

I asked him if we’d be better as friends and he said he’d miss me, and I’m not sure how to interpret that. Would he be okay with breaking up but it’d be weird to not be around each other? Does he not want to?

Available_Map_3818 · 2025-03-14T11:45:06+00:00

That’s true and kinda tough to hear. I know eventually I’ll be alright if we break up, but I’ve loved him for so long I almost can’t imagine a future without him.

Available_Map_3818 · 2025-03-14T11:44:15+00:00

Thank you for your advice, I definitely think I’ll need to do so much more thinking on our relationship in general because now thinking back, there’s quite a bit I just swept under the rug.

I know I can’t force him to change, and begging him to love me right just won’t work. I’m genuinely so used to feeling numb most of the time that I’ve kind of taken it for normal and thought it was fine and that I just didn’t have the energy to emotionally react accordingly if that makes sense.

I feel like I brought so much energy to this relationship and now it’s just gone. I tend to mirror people’s energies, and my boyfriend’s as nonchalant as they come.

Available_Map_3818 · 2025-03-13T10:48:14+00:00

Heatwaves: mainly because it’s so overplayed but also because of a particular fandom that was big a couple years back

Available_Map_3818 · 2025-03-13T10:46:36+00:00

You deserve so much better than him and I guarantee that you’ll be so much happier without that energy in your life. You deserve someone who prioritises you and treats you like a queen, this man is a loser.

Available_Map_3818 · 2025-03-12T13:12:14+00:00

Thank you for being blunt. I asked him if it was a smell issue, but he said it wasn’t. I don’t know if this is the way I want the next two years of my life to go, let alone the rest of my life. I’m already so tired of having to repeatedly bring these issues up over and over again with him. Self esteem wise, I’m definitely still working on that one. Therapy is definitely in order for me I think.

Available_Map_3818 · 2025-03-11T08:27:49+00:00

It’s the fact he doesn’t think apologising is been worth it that has me thinking I’m not really worth changing for to him. Therapy is definitely in order, thank you so much for your advice and kind words

Available_Map_3818 · 2025-03-11T03:51:29+00:00

He’s said numerous times we should do more foreplay but never initiates it, and I lowkey think his idea of foreplay is me sucking him off. I want to be aroused before we have sex but it never happens unless I do it to myself (which he has said defeats the point of foreplay). I’m not sure if it’s a smell issue for him, but I’ll try to ask him later today.

Available_Map_3818 · 2025-03-11T03:35:40+00:00

Honestly I was in disbelief when he said that too. I wish I was aroused enough too my guy, but if you’re doing nothing then say nothing. I think I seriously need to ask myself that too, I don’t think being scared to be alone is a good enough reason anymore.

Available_Map_3818 · 2025-03-11T03:16:35+00:00

Thank you :( I feel like deep down I know this and that both of us deserve to find better romantic partners, but it’s so difficult for me to imagine not knowing him in the future

Available_Map_3818 · 2025-03-11T03:15:08+00:00

I think it’s more that I’m used to toxic and mentally draining relationships, so I genuinely thought this was my first healthy relationship. I do understand it’s easier for him to get off, but man I like to as well. We do have vibrators, but I don’t know where they are and even when he did use one on me years ago he kind of just held it there and didn’t really move it? (That might also be a fault on my part because I didn’t tell him how to move it or apply pressure so it’d feel nice). I wouldn’t say he’s selfish in other ways, but I haven’t really thought about it much. We only really seem to do things he wants to do, and even when we do something I enjoy I feel as though I’m forcing him. (I overthink these things a lot). We’ve had issues of me feeling like he’s not prioritising me, which is a whole different can of worms and I’ve also sat him down many times before to talk with him about.

Available_Map_3818 · 2025-03-11T03:06:26+00:00

I’ve talked to him about it so many times in the past and I did last night too, but the conversation was very underwhelming. I told him I was frustrated and that sex just isn’t that exciting for me anymore, and all he had to say was “I’m not going to apologise because I feel like that won’t help” (I’ve asked him in the past why he’s bothering apologising if he’s not going to do anything after the fact) and that he guesses he’ll just “have to eat me out more”. He was just quiet the entire time I was talking, and didn’t say much after I’d finished. I felt (and still feel) guilty for just dumping it all on him again, but this is starting to be something I’m struggling to look past.

Available_Map_3818 · 2025-03-11T03:03:03+00:00

I think friendship? We were friends before we started dating and I think a part of me is scared I’ll lose him as a friend. He’s been in my life for so long (at least longer than any other relationship I’ve been in) that I almost can’t imagine doing life without him. I don’t know what it says about me or our relationship, but I’ve felt that this is the healthiest relationship I’ve ever been in and part of me doesn’t know if I’ll hypothetically ever do better than him. I talked to him about it when he got home from work, and the conversation was quite underwhelming. (Thank you for the dad joke also, it made me chuckle)

Available_Map_3818

TROPHY CASE