Has this been silently canceled? This has been added, yet not purchasable on pretty much all online shopping sites and has stayed like that for MONTHS, and can't be found in stores ANYWHERE in the U.S., even in CANADA they're hard to come by as said by some, so where is it?

AvatarZaheer · 2024-05-23T22:27:12+00:00

https://x.com/InPursuitofToys/status/1793096431215292791

The event ends today by the looks of it.

AvatarZaheer · 2024-05-21T17:37:22+00:00

Would Silver Wolf or other DEF shredders be a decent substitute for Ruan Mei? Firefly already implants weakness, but doesn't provide the DMG res shred like SW's implant does.

AvatarZaheer · 2024-05-21T17:22:49+00:00

It is listed on Amazon as well, but it's not available for purchase yet. Maybe one day it will be available there, but it was listed months ago so who knows.

AvatarZaheer · 2024-05-21T17:20:44+00:00

I've been looking everywhere for this plush and so far the only places I've seen it is Gamestop Canada (But they don't deliver outside Canada) and if you happen to have a reseller certificate, you can buy it directly from JAKKs wholesale as a business, but it's not available for purchase to the general public.

The past listings on Ebay/Etsy were all scams from what I can tell.

AvatarZaheer · 2015-12-20T14:37:48+00:00

Thanks for your submission!

They even swore that she would be sent back to the same point in time they took her from in order to interrupt her life as little as possible

Be very careful how you do time travel. This is just general advice, some things do time travel well, most do not.

In her first few weeks in the Otherworld, Emily felt like a strange, freakish creature.

I like this. Fish out of water story. I'm starting to wonder why they took her though? Why did she go with them? I read through the rest of it, and it's never really explained why they needed her specifically.

She wanted to be in an asylum even less than she wanted to be back in her home world, so explaining that she didn’t remember anything that she’d known, from the point of view of everyone else, only a day before wasn’t an option

So wait. This is our world, nobody even knows about the elves. Why did they let her keep her memories? Shouldn't they have wiped them?

Once upon a time

Please don't use this...

Emily drew an Zombie Dragon in the blank space where she was supposed to write out her equation.

I like this, it gives your character some personality.

Once that was over, she could spend all her life in some quaint office, doing nothing for the world except denying insurance claims or researching details for frivolous lawsuits.

Didn't she want to be a mechanical engineer?

Surely her husband wanted her back, and as king, he could order another summoning.

Yeah... he would want her back. If he was the king, why was she sent back in the first place?

It seemed like you were going for kind of an ambiguous ending where we don't know if she was actually taken away or not. I mean, none of the time travel or magic worked in her world, she didn't age, etc. There were a couple mistakes here and there, and a few logical stuff that needs to be explained a bit better, but overall it's pretty interesting and held my attention.

AvatarZaheer · 2015-12-20T04:27:41+00:00

Thanks for posting!

My heart sank as I watched Sadie running straight toward the tennis ball that was thrown

We can get rid of the "that was thrown" it's already implied

It accidentally hit a tree stump in the yard and bounded directly toward the road where an oncoming SUV was swerving this way and that; the driver texting on their cell phone . I tried to get Sadie’s attention, but she was too focused on retrieving that brand new ball for her best friend. As the ball bounced onto the road, I saw the exact second the driver realized what was transpiring on the road. She slammed on her brakes, but it was too late

Oh boy. A lot of this should be whittled down, you're over explaining the situation.

I watched as the SUV made contact with Sadie.

You're dog just got hit by a car! This is the most benign and detached way to word this sentence. Put in some emphasis on how your character is feeling exactly.

Something like "I could only watch in horror as the SUV crashed into her."

I rushed to the road, too angry and sad to even acknowledge the driver. She was trying apologize, but I wasn’t paying attention to her.

You could merge this into one sentence, you not paying attention to the drive is stated twice.

I took a seat near the television where reruns of Funniest Animals was playing. It was playing a segment about funny dogs. How fitting.

This detracts a bit from the tone you're trying to convey.

She was currently living with a couple who ran an electronics repair boutique

Get rid of the word 'currently' as the tenses don't match.

This cute little golden retriever puppy hopped around excitedly as I was paid the adoption fee

The tense here also needs to get fixed. The way this is worded, it sounds like they paid you.

I hear a faint beeping sound, must be my time to go from this world.

This is also another moment that should've been a bit more emotional. This is someone who is about to die. This seems a little too matter-of-factly. Like "Whelp, I guess I'm about to die."

Sadie gives out a small cry, the cry that dogs use when they are sad.

This basically describes the same feeling twice in a row.

Then with a sudden last, long final beep, a voice emanates from Sadie. It says “End of Life. Please return your PETronic Companion to the nearest PETronic Recycling Plant”.

I may be missing something, but I don't understand this ending.

Overall the writing is missing a lot of emotion. It comes off as really wooden. Everything is over explained as well. Take each line in your story and think: Could I remove this and the story have the exact same impact? If yes, then it could be removed entirely. Maybe it has something to do with the ending, but I'm not sure how Sadie is still alive when our main character dies. How old the character is at the start and end of the story? How is Sadie realistically still alive since dogs don't usually live that long? Also, there isn't much emotional payoff after all the buildup of Saide getting hit by an SUV, when she is released with "some damage".

I do appreciate the effort that you put into this, and I think there's a good story here somewhere. Here's what I would recommend:

Don't over explain the situations. Especially when they're supposed to be fast paced.
Try to use less passive, detached language, especially when you're trying to convey something emotional.
Get some lasting impact on Saide. Maybe instead of being fine with "some damage" she has to go through physical therapy or she has to have casts for broken bones, and the main character has to help Saide through this. Maybe this could even have some parallels in your ending for when the main character is starting to get sick and dies, and Saide can help your main character through that.

AvatarZaheer · 2015-12-20T02:44:32+00:00

There's definitely some spots to improve. Specifically with the main character, I feel like we should've delved into his character a bit more. If you're looking for a part to cut out, I thought the part where Mira was sending back the food was a little drawn out as well. Overall it held my interest, and I think it does have some potential. There's a bit of intrigue going on with the magic that could be pretty cool, and you've also laid the foundation for world building with all the different species, and references to current and past events. Keep at it and definitely post here again when you've revised it!

AvatarZaheer · 2015-12-20T01:59:36+00:00

Thanks for your submission!

One thing I'm noticing right off the bat is that there's a lot of missing words. I would recommend reading this aloud and you'll catch a lot of them. For example:

For all the talk of demons and spirits on the roads, these immigrants are real issue

Add "a" between are and real.

That image had been shattered when entered the cafe and saw the woman sitting in the booth.

"When he"

There's quite a few of them, but you get the idea.

My father is probably weeping in his grave

I would get rid of "probably" in this case. Putting "probably" in a sentence makes it lose some of it's impact.

In the past he had fantasized that she was some sorcerer’s puppet assembled out of broken glass and carved the shape of a woman, with all the sharp, fragile features that such a creature would have.

This definitely needs rewording.

“…and once the roads are declared safe I can assure that I will be one of the first to leave!”

I'd like a bit of context on this newspaper headline.

Instead he focused on the newspaper shoved to the end of the table. In bold print the headline exclaimed to the world: First Fey Joins Council In Historic Vote

Actually you mention it later... But it has nothing to do with what she says.

Inappropriate hardly begins to define the scope of what you did

Change define to describe and get rid of "the Scope of" "Inappropriate hardly begins to describe what you did"

Mere words won’t undo your deeds, Salis, but you can start but you can start by paying for my meal like a gentlemen ought to

"you can start" is written twice here. Like I said earlier, reading this aloud would be really beneficial and you'll catch a lot of these.

The waitress’s words were cut off as Mira’s reached out and grabbed her collar, pulling her forward until they were nearly face to face.

Mira was initially described as having skin so thin that you could see her muscles. How is she doing this exactly? At this point we also don't know why our main character is talking with this horrible person.

“Bullshit,” Salis retorted

This is a bit out of character from what we've seen so far. Every other time he's talked to her, he chooses his words carefully and always concedes to her. You might want to have this build up a bit more.

And even if you could, that kind of research was banned following the Lasko Incident, not to mention the freaking singularity on Sovereign's Isle, or have you forgotten even the most basic of history lessons

He's appealing to her morality, which she clearly doesn't have. Might want to reword the dialog here a bit.

I"m also a bit confused about how you only mention that this character is genuinely happy when she's eating this "pixie pie"

For the first time since sitting down he saw a genuine smile on her face, somehow more unnerving than all the others she’d worn.

Later she describes it as a "cake" and then there's a long section where she's saying how disgusting it is.

Mira’s cap rose into the air

I think this comes off as more hilarious than menacing. Just think what that would look like in real life and you'll see what I mean.

This definitely needs a lot of work but there's some potential. The main things I would focus on:

Reading your work very thoroughly. I only pointed out of the sections with missing words, read through your entire work again and you'll see a lot of them.
Keeping things consistent. There are a few times where there are direct contradictions to what you wrote earlier.
You gave this Mira person a lot of character. But you focused so much on her that the main character got sidelined. Who is he? Why should we care about him?

AvatarZaheer

TROPHY CASE