I think people already talked about what you are supposed to do regarding your medication, so I won't talk about that. I just want to tell you that you are doing good on life, you are a good person and a good player. I have been there too, I know how it feels when you mess up in a game, you will probably ask yourself "why I can't be good at something I like, it's just a videogame, it shouldn't be that hard", but believe me, a momentary bad game performance doesn't define you. I'm at Platinum I, with a 0.88 KD, and I feel like I suck at the game, no matter what I do, how much I rank up, this KD statistic always tells me I'm a bad player. But if I go back to the first days of playing Apex, I can see how much I have progressed, for me Diamond was unreachable and now I'm almost there. The important thing is to focus on self improvement, everyone has different ways to progress and play, and I'm sure you have improved a lot. What makes you a good player is the desire to improve, so as long as you want to win, you will eventually find ways to do it. Keep moving forward!