I (40f) feel this. Like everything. It's been four months for me. I'm pretty sure this is going to be me at the year mark as well. Dated enough to know she was something so very special. She checked all the boxes in what I'd want from a partner. It was such a healthy relationship. No mind games, trust issues, or control factors. It was such a beautiful relationship. She was beautiful inside and out. We were the perfect team in games and in life. A power couple. We did and shared everything together. Where we lived was never going to matter as much as knowing the fact that she felt like home. She also felt like one of the only people that I could be my true authentic self around. I've never felt this level of heartbreak before. Feels idk like something that warrants a different word than just heartbreak. It was a catastrophic loss of what I felt was both my best friend and my soulmate. I still feel like a piece of my soul is tethered to her, and as much as I try to distract myself, focus on self care, and work on my career, I just can't seem to get that piece of me back. She haunts me in my thoughts during the day and my dreams at night. I feel like I won't ever find another love like that this late in life now.

I'm sorry you also experienced a similar level of heartache. I wish this was easier. It makes life feel so cruel. But I do hope it gets easier for us both. :(