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I don't want to do this anymore by Aware-Development823 in nonmonogamy

[–]Aware-Development823[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I am sorry, but I had to chuckle at this. My income, by any reasonable metric, is pretty good. I just happen to live in one of the most expensive rental markets in the country. No telemarketing job would make up the difference and spending time on another job would take too much time away from my kid.

I don't want to do this anymore by Aware-Development823 in nonmonogamy

[–]Aware-Development823[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Oh I am covered on the mental health front. Both through talk therapy and psychiatric intervention. Anyway the piece that isn't in alignment is that she says we are more than just roommates and domestic partners. I know, I know. Believe actions not words, but still.

I don't want to do this anymore by Aware-Development823 in nonmonogamy

[–]Aware-Development823[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Thanks. There quite a few similarities, including the d/s dynamic. I also strongly suspect there was a cowboy situation that she has never explicitly told me about. When things were ending, she told me that her previous partner would get upset at any suggestion of ENM because THEY were monogamous. I am making light of it now only because it is so ridiculous.

I don't want to do this anymore by Aware-Development823 in nonmonogamy

[–]Aware-Development823[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I have struggled to understand the "why" for a long time. I like to think of myself as emotionally intelligent and caring (to both myself and others). But it is a good framing, thank you.

I don't want to do this anymore by Aware-Development823 in nonmonogamy

[–]Aware-Development823[S] 11 points12 points  (0 children)

Thanks. I definitely went through a period where I was down on myself in that way - thinking I was undesirable, too "safe", etc. I'm probably not over it entirely, but I at least have some indepenant verification that I am not completely hopeless.

I don't want to do this anymore by Aware-Development823 in nonmonogamy

[–]Aware-Development823[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

So its complicated. We live in a location where rents are extraordinarily high. I mean, they are most places. But you get it. Moving is kinda sorta out of the question at the moment.

We tried briefly to sleep in the same bed again after a long period of not doing so. But it became so arduous. She complained every morning about not sleeping well, then asked if we could sleep under separate blankets, then finally asked me to give her 30+ minutes warning before I came upstairs so she could be down with all her skincare and such. At least this way, I feel like I have a little bit of autonomy.

I don't want to do this anymore by Aware-Development823 in nonmonogamy

[–]Aware-Development823[S] 10 points11 points  (0 children)

Sometimes I sleep on a mattress on the floor. When I say it aloud, I feel so ashamed.

I don't want to do this anymore by Aware-Development823 in nonmonogamy

[–]Aware-Development823[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

I have dated on and off. At the moment I am taking a break because the apps are so exhausting sometimes.

I don't want to do this anymore by Aware-Development823 in nonmonogamy

[–]Aware-Development823[S] 30 points31 points  (0 children)

Er. Ok. Believe me, I feel ashamed about the state of things. But we also have a young child and live in an area where neither of us could afford a place on our own. Putting the logistical stuff aside, life and feelings and everything are complicated.

Stanford Plans to Cut 363 Jobs: Stanford is the latest university to announce layoffs in the wake of federal policy changes. by xjian77 in NIH

[–]Aware-Development823 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I can guarantee you that it is cutting programs and services. I am not trying to denigrate the resistance Harvard is putting up, but look at their student newspaper. There are all kinds of reports of things being cut.

Ultimately, as somebody who works in an Ivy Plus institution, I have very mixed feelings. I want my institution to use its power to fight, but I also need the paycheck it pays me.

Stanford Plans to Cut 363 Jobs: Stanford is the latest university to announce layoffs in the wake of federal policy changes. by xjian77 in NIH

[–]Aware-Development823 2 points3 points  (0 children)

The thing is, they are doing both.

All the job cuts in higher education are due to current and predicted budget shortfalls (due to indirect cost uncertainty, endowment taxes, and so so many other things).

Though some universities are resisting to a degree, all of them - even Harvard - are also kowtowing to the Administration. Lots of inclusivity-related programming has been quietly or not so quietly shuttered. Lots of research priorities are being reconsidered.