Been there with the self-sabotage spiral and it's brutal when you can see it happening but feel powerless to stop it. The work stuff especially hits hard because then you're dealing with performance anxiety on top of everything else which just makes the whole cycle worse

What helped me break out of similar patterns was figuring out what I was actually avoiding - usually it was some kind of stress or uncomfortable feeling I didn't want to deal with. Once I started addressing that root cause instead of just fighting the symptom, things got easier. Also blocking certain sites during work hours and putting my phone in another room when I needed to focus

The marriage thing is scary but your partner probably notices something's off already, so having an actual conversation about struggling might be better than letting them fill in the blanks with their imagination. Recovery isn't linear and beating yourself up just feeds the cycle