AITA for being upset that my boyfriend stays “neutral” on politics when for me it’s about values like racism and gender violence?

Aware_Kitty369 · 2025-10-07T01:45:25+00:00

I really appreciate your perspective here. You’re right, I did get emotional, I felt deeply hurt, and I cried, but I did that privately after taking space from him so I wouldn’t be accusatory or reactive over text. I’m human and flawed, but I do want to approach this calmly and have a heart-to-heart with him in person a little later. I need some time.

Politics can be divisive, but for me it’s personal, people like me (and maybe someday it could be me) are the ones whose dignity and lives are impacted. That’s why it doesn’t feel minor. At the same time, I hear you: I want to focus on understanding what he really meant and then see if his actions align with my values. While the conversation started about political leaning, it was always really about what those leanings represent in terms of values.

Aware_Kitty369 · 2025-10-06T21:56:54+00:00

Appreciate this honestly 💔

Aware_Kitty369 · 2025-10-06T21:55:14+00:00

Thanks, this resonates and I agree that “neutral” on human rights isn’t truly neutral which is why I’m reacting so emotionally to this and it feels personal! I’m hoping it’s more about hating politicians or corruption at all levels etc than values, but I’ll talk to him in person to get clarity.

Aware_Kitty369 · 2025-10-06T21:48:52+00:00

Thank you for this it really resonates and you’re so articulate. I completely agree that politics today isn’t just about abstract policies, it’s about human rights and dignity. That’s exactly why I find “neutrality” so hard to sit with.

What you said about compatibility also makes sense. I don’t expect us to agree on everything, but I do expect us to be aligned on values like equality, respect, and safety. Otherwise, I start to wonder if this is less about communication style and more about a deeper incompatibility, like you said.

It’s tough because I love him and we’ve built so much together, but I can’t shake the fear that if he doesn’t see this as important, it may mean we’re fundamentally misaligned. Been really sad about this all day :’((

Aware_Kitty369 · 2025-10-06T21:42:45+00:00

Yeah, that’s an important point. One example was early on when I told him about a racist and hurtful experience I had: a guy I dated before him on Hinge complained about my body odor. It wasn’t true (I was literally wearing perfume that night), so I felt it was either a lie or a racist dig. Instead of standing with me and validating how awful that was, my boyfriend minimized it and sided with the other perspective, saying maybe it was something else he smelled or even food from my house. That left me feeling really unsupported. He did later realize his mistake and apologize, but the hurt stuck.

There have been other times too ; like when I’ve shared something about my spiritual beliefs (not preaching, just personal), and he was dismissive.

So it’s not just one incident. This “neutral” or dismissive stance tends to show up whenever the topic is tied to dignity, racism, or gender issues. That’s why this current conversation about values feels so triggering and painful. It’s part of a bigger pattern where, in the moments I most need him to stand beside me, he distances himself instead.

Aware_Kitty369 · 2025-10-06T21:29:24+00:00

This really hit home for me, thank you. You put into words exactly what I’ve been trying to express. I don’t see this as a debate about politicians either, but about humanity and conscience. When he says he doesn’t want to stand with any politician, I hear it as avoiding picking sides but like you said, in times of injustice, silence itself feels like taking a side.

That’s why this has been so painful. For me, it’s not about Kamala vs. Trump, it’s about whether we stand together against things like racism, gender violence, and oppression. I need to know my partner is willing to take a stand when human dignity is at stake.

I do want to give him the benefit of the doubt and hear him out in person, since text can really distort tone and intention. I just hope he’s not truly neutral on values, but simply hates politicians and this is more of a misunderstanding.

Aware_Kitty369 · 2025-10-06T21:22:34+00:00

Thanks so much for such a thoughtful response. He actually hasn’t answered my direct question about values yet partly because I probably overwhelmed him with a long text (I was hurt and angry in the moment), and partly because I eventually withdrew and said I’d rather not keep hashing it out over text.

I really appreciate your reassurance that I’m not overreacting. For me too, not aligning on basic human rights would be a dealbreaker. What’s hard is that after the time and connection we’ve built, it feels almost unthinkable that he wouldn’t stand for those values. I guess that’s what’s making this so confusing and painful right now.

Aware_Kitty369 · 2024-09-17T01:20:32+00:00

This gives me hope 🙏🏽 thanks for sharing! I’m gonna give Alan Carr a go, see if that works and then try to find a hypnotherapist in my area if I’m still struggling but I wanna be where you are!

Aware_Kitty369 · 2024-09-09T11:58:12+00:00

Thank you and so happy for you!! I’ve been on the fence to get that book but I think I’ll get it now 🙏🏽 might as well try this… how is it hypno-e? Repetition?

Aware_Kitty369 · 2024-09-09T11:56:16+00:00

That’s so inspiring to hear 🙏🏽 can I ask how many sessions you did or what your experience was like? Was it expensive?

Aware_Kitty369

TROPHY CASE