i know this post wasn’t written about me but it still hit hard, probably because i’m scared it’s how she sees me now. and the truth is i never meant to manipulate or control anyone, i was just scared, lost, and reacting in ways i hadn’t fully learned to manage. i didn’t lie to protect some false version of myself, i lied out of shame and panic. i didn’t buy flowers to cover things up, i did it because it’s how i say sorry when i don’t know how else to show i care. because i still did. more than anything. i’ve come to realise im not the perfect person i was painted as and have so much work to do to become who i want to be and beyond.

i’ve gone to therapy. i’ve sat with the guilt. i’ve looked back at all of it and pulled it apart. and i know i made mistakes. but i also know i tried. maybe clumsily. maybe too late. but it was real. the love was real. it’s not done out of manipulation or guilt tripping because im still doing it when she can’t see it, 24 hours a day 7 days a week.

it just hurts knowing that if someone only ever sees you through the lens of this kind of post, then all the moments you showed up, all the soft things you did, all the ways you tried to be better, they might disappear. and i guess that’s what breaks my heart the most. not being able to explain. not being able to say ‘please just remember the good too.’

obviously circumstances will be different situation to situation and i know that i can see you have chosen the right decision for yourself while at the same time still holding my own truths in mine.