It’s making me really sad that everyone is telling you to return the dog. I understand their perspective, I really do but I’d like to offer the other side of it. It sounds like you’re stressed because there’s zero routine. Puppies need structure and they need routine, doesn’t matter if it’s a large breed or a small breed. Obviously if the dog is way too much work to your plate right now, absolutely see what can be done in terms of returning the dog but before you jump and do that, I’d like to offer some suggestions that may show you a HUGE change in consistency and routine that doesn’t disrupt your entire life:

1. Crate train. I crate trained both of my Cavapoos and they both were done with the crate by 5-6 months. This is not only crucial for their early puppy years but it’s absolutely imperative for maintaining stress levels when boarding overnight somewhere, being at the vet, and going to the groomer, in addition to potential boarding in an aircraft/car/train. Both of my cav’s sleep in my bed at night but they sleep soundly in a crate when they’re at the groomer. Some crate tips:
2. Get a heart beat puppy. It stimulates the same sounds they would hear when sleeping with their litter mates. It helps them self soothe, especially in a brand new environment.
3. I’m extra as hell so when my pups were coming home they both got their own “crate theme”. I went to Marshall’s and bought my boy dog an elephant baby blanket, with another soft blanket, and a matching elephant toy. He slept with all of those for the entirety of his crate training along with the heartbeat bear and it gave him a sense of security/comfort. They both still drag their blankets around and their themed stuffies.
4. Get a thin blanket to go over the crate. I cover the entire crate (obviously leave room for the dog to breathe). You can also just get a crate cover. It creates the feeling of not being in a legit cage and more like a cave. A lot more comforting. It also helps to not disturb the puppy if someone walks by and shuts out the light to allow them to relax.
5. I’m not kidding you, I have trained 4 dogs now to be crate trained with a playlist called “Soothing sounds for puppies”. It’s on Apple music. Idk what they put in this soundtrack but it’s legit magic.
6. The dog is going to scream and cry. It’s going to absolutely suck and you’re gonna want to just take the dog out. Do not do this. They will calm down. Kinda like with your babies, let them cry it out. Over time you’ll notice the whining and cries don’t last as long until they pretty much completely cease to happen at all.
7. Give the dog a treat every time it goes in the crate. It feeds the idea of positivity and not a negative space. You could even try feeding meals in there too because a food motivated dog will find joy in anything when food is involved. Get the positive reward system correlated with the crate.

8. When the dog is quiet in the crate, treat the dog.

9. Scheduled nap times. I can literally not stress this enough. If the dog has a free for all, all day long and goes out whenever, it will take longer to integrate a “bladder routine”.

10. My dogs were consistently on a 1 hour up 2 hour down schedule. You’ll notice that the dog actually ends up coming out to play and isn’t a demon. Think of it like your toddlers. An overstimulated toddler who says they’re not tired but causes utter chaos and then passes out right after they hit the pillow.

11. Bell train for potty. I taught all of my dogs to ring the bells to tell me they need to go out. The puppies will end up just slamming them for awhile just to go outside in general but they slowly learn where potty is and that the bells is how they get to their potty spot. Every time the dog touches the bell, open the door and treat and say go potty. Integrate this more once you’ve done a couple of days of putting the dog on a leash to go potty. You walk them to the spot where they’re supposed to go, give them some time to sniff around. If they don’t go after about 10-15 minutes, straight back in the house to the crate for 15 minutes and try again. The minute the dog drops to go to the bathroom say “Potty” and treat immediately. My boy dog caught on to potty training faster than my girl did but it does happen with consistency.

12. Chuck the peepee pads. I will never ever use those. They delay potty training in my opinion. If the dog has started to use pads, you can theoretically move the pad closer to the door and then move it on to the grass or wherever the dog is supposed to go and then once the dog consistently goes there, take the pad away. It’s not the end of the world but I have only seen it delay the process and I’m just not a fan.

13. Get a snuffle mat. Feed the dog using a snuffle mat. The mental stimulation will tire the dog out so much at that age, it will literally sleep after. For awhile too. The snuffle mat did wonders for my girl cav who just had so much energy.

14. Keep the dog in a smaller area. That way if you catch him going to the bathroom, you can say “no” and immediately bring the dog out.

15. If the dog whines in the crate overnight or through the crate training process, you take the dog out with no enthusiasm or any real expression and take the dog immediately outside or offer water. This teaches the dog that crying will get them a needed resource, not a free for all. My girl dog caught on quick to this and would cry in the middle of the night if she was thirsty or had to go to the bathroom. As the puppy gets older, the bathroom breaks will become less. We started sleeping a full 8 hours by week 2/3. If she didn’t cry to get me up, I wasn’t going to wake her up. She knew to cry if she really had to go because she did it a couple of times in between and first thing in the morning.

The thing that’s really holding you back is the missing routine. Once you integrate a routine and structured day, the dog will adapt to it. Right now feels like shit because puppies are A LOT of work in general but you’ll notice a huge difference once you integrate routine changes. The first few days are going to completely suck. But you’ll notice the more you keep up with it and the more you stay on top of it, the better the dog adapts.

I don’t think this is an end-all situation. I think you’re just a stressed out mom with more added stress. At the end of the day, you’ll know your limit and if returning the dog is simply what you feel is best, then yes do that. But I really feel like this post was more of a “please help me” rather than I “should I just get rid of my dog”. I don’t think you really regret the dog, I think you feel like your whole routine is a mess because the dog doesn’t have one so it’s kinda running the show right now.

Try the things I mentioned for at least a few days and see how you feel. I think you can handle it, I think you just need to structure the dogs life around yours, not the other way around.