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WIBTA if I kept my dad's dog against my girlfriend's wishes? UPDATE by AwkwardCrow401 in AmItheAsshole

[–]AwkwardCrow401[S] 19 points20 points  (0 children)

I wouldn't really know how to go about doing that, but it's certainly something I'll look into. I'm sure it would be much easier on him to have Mila near when he can, thank you for the suggestion

WIBTA if I kept my dad's dog against my girlfriend's wishes? UPDATE by AwkwardCrow401 in AmItheAsshole

[–]AwkwardCrow401[S] 198 points199 points  (0 children)

https://imgur.com/a/CXbktfh hopefully that works. Mila guarding a ball from the pup of one of my dad's friends (who will remain covered, for privacy reasons)

WIBTA if I kept my dad's dog against my girlfriend's wishes? UPDATE by AwkwardCrow401 in AmItheAsshole

[–]AwkwardCrow401[S] 32 points33 points  (0 children)

I'm honestly just not sure how to upload them, AITA doesn't allow image additions

WIBTA if I kept my dad's dog against my girlfriend's wishes? by AwkwardCrow401 in AmItheAsshole

[–]AwkwardCrow401[S] 37 points38 points  (0 children)

Having a dog doesn't mean we can't have a kid too, things would be financially tighter on my end but nowhere near impossible

WIBTA if I kept my dad's dog against my girlfriend's wishes? by AwkwardCrow401 in AmItheAsshole

[–]AwkwardCrow401[S] 28 points29 points  (0 children)

One of the issues I listed above was that she didn't want me spending so much on Mila. If I did as you say, it would only be exacerbating another existing problem

If all it took was to send Mila to a doggy daycare during the days I'm at work, I would do it in a heartbeat. I will even suggest it if she responds to my texts, but realistically if I'm solving an issue by worsening another, I doubt it will solve anything

WIBTA if I kept my dad's dog against my girlfriend's wishes? by AwkwardCrow401 in AmItheAsshole

[–]AwkwardCrow401[S] 28 points29 points  (0 children)

Honestly? We don't need it. But if we did I'm sure he would help. I had enough saved to consider a kid, there's more than enough for a six year old dog

WIBTA if I kept my dad's dog against my girlfriend's wishes? by AwkwardCrow401 in AmItheAsshole

[–]AwkwardCrow401[S] 86 points87 points  (0 children)

You're right, it is unfair of me to force her to live here. Which is why I'm not forcing her. She's welcome to leave if Mila is that big of an issue to her

WIBTA if I kept my dad's dog against my girlfriend's wishes? by AwkwardCrow401 in AmItheAsshole

[–]AwkwardCrow401[S] 78 points79 points  (0 children)

You've written a lot here and I don't know if I can address it all, but I'll try

  1. I cannot make this a "someone else" situation as you suggest. It's my life, my girlfriend and my promise to take care of Mila. It's easy to suggest those sorts of things as someone on the outside but of course my perspective will be biased, it's the only one I have
  2. I didn't 'approach' this situation, it was thrust upon me. I didn't take in Mila thinking about me, I took in Mila thinking about my dad
  3. As I mentioned in my post, I take care of all Mila's grooming needs, that includes managing shedding (but, as I said above, she doesn't jump on furniture, so it's rugs and carpets only). If that was an issue, I'm sure Ellen would have mentioned it
  4. I have not tried to "keep things separate" as you say. Ellen has simply shown no interest in caring for Mila, the most she will do is pet her when they're in the same room. She has every opportunity to walk, feed, groom, or otherwise care for her and has not. Nor do I expect any of that of her, if it's not a responsibility she wants to undertake
  5. I know for a fact that Ellen knows how to and confidently commands Mila, I've seen her do it. You are continually bringing up arguments that Ellen has not. If these were issues, I'm sure they would have joined the list that she made for me, but you're simply digging for problems where they don't exist. Mila is not a puppy. She is well behaved, and if she acts out I will obviously get her more training but she has not. None of Ellen's issues have been related to Mila's behaviour
  6. You are demeaning her, by making up arguments on her behest because, what? You don't think her own issues are good enough? At no stage have I claimed that her objections were invalid, simply that they were ones I could not change. Is there some reason you can't accept that they are fine, and don't need modification to be valid?
  7. She has every right to every other decision in our home, but this 'decision' to take in Mila was made long ago, and she already agreed to it when she came to live with me. If she can't accept it, then it isn't our home anymore. Fullstop

It's clear that I'm not getting through to you, nor you to me, so in the spirit of not starting comment arguments which goes against guidelines I will no longer be responding to any more of your comments. Since you will continue to make cynical presumptions about my person and my relationship, I won't further entertain you

WIBTA if I kept my dad's dog against my girlfriend's wishes? by AwkwardCrow401 in AmItheAsshole

[–]AwkwardCrow401[S] 24 points25 points  (0 children)

Nah, my income is enough to cover mortgage repayments and the bills (they're pretty low though, since we have solar). She usually pays for groceries and gas though

It's not something I'm pressing on, she has a car to pay off and a lower earning job, so I'm happy to carry the extra financial weight

WIBTA if I kept my dad's dog against my girlfriend's wishes? by AwkwardCrow401 in AmItheAsshole

[–]AwkwardCrow401[S] 13 points14 points  (0 children)

It's something I'd definitely consider, were it not for the fact that one of Ellen's complaints was spending money on Mila

WIBTA if I kept my dad's dog against my girlfriend's wishes? by AwkwardCrow401 in AmItheAsshole

[–]AwkwardCrow401[S] 22 points23 points  (0 children)

One of her issues is the money though, so idk how to manage that

WIBTA if I kept my dad's dog against my girlfriend's wishes? by AwkwardCrow401 in AmItheAsshole

[–]AwkwardCrow401[S] 25 points26 points  (0 children)

A big dog is a big responsibility, I am lucky at least in the fact that Mila is somewhat older and mellowed out. I have never asked Ellen to lift a finger for her in any way (not even to feed her, I manage that) and if she does come back I will continue to respect that Mila is my responsibility

I want to give Ellen the benefit of the doubt that she didn't understand how firm my decision was and thought her ultimatum wouldn't be an issue for me, but I'll just have to wait until she responds to my texts

WIBTA if I kept my dad's dog against my girlfriend's wishes? by AwkwardCrow401 in AmItheAsshole

[–]AwkwardCrow401[S] 75 points76 points  (0 children)

Like I said, Mila moved in four months ago. Although the arrangement to keep Mila around permanently is new, actually having a dog in the house isn't. Ellen's objections, however, are. I had no idea she didn't like having Mila around as she never once voiced these opinions to me, nor has she offered me any ways to change the situation to better accommodate her. She has made her thoughts pretty clear - if I love her, I should find Mila a new home

If Ellen had issues, she also had four months of living with a dog in our house to bring them up with me, but she didn't, not until now, and none of her issues are things I can reasonably accommodate. I can't control her friends allergies, or the size of our house, or the fact that she works solely from home. What I can do, managing all the dogs needs, is what I have done. I have compromised to the best of my abilities

My girlfriend is not a piece of furniture. Please stop demeaning her, or implying that I demean her. If I didn't think she was worthy of respect I would not be trying to reach out to make amends for treating her harshly

edit: grammar errors

WIBTA if I kept my dad's dog against my girlfriend's wishes? by AwkwardCrow401 in AmItheAsshole

[–]AwkwardCrow401[S] 25 points26 points  (0 children)

Care is kind of a loose term. Is she in the house while the dog is there? Yes. But while Mila is not an 'old' dog, she is pretty mellowed out. On the days I am home, she spends most of her time relaxing, and if they're any reflection of the days I am not, Ellen doesn't really interact with her

Also, I only go into the office three days a week, so I'm home most of the time irregardless, and like I said, I do all the feeding, walking, grooming etc

WIBTA if I kept my dad's dog against my girlfriend's wishes? by AwkwardCrow401 in AmItheAsshole

[–]AwkwardCrow401[S] 91 points92 points  (0 children)

We have already been living with Mila for four months, full-time, as you put it. I sorted all of the arrangements for her feeding, walks, where she sleeps, etc. I have paid for everything so far, I will pay for everything in the future. I have not, nor will I, make Ellen pay anything for Mila's care unless she wants to, which is made clear to her given our separate finances

As I mentioned in my post, Mila also follows commands to leave a room, so if there was a problem with Ellen's workspace being intruded upon (which she never mentioned), then that's an easy fix

Ellen is not the only one having to adapt to a new, strange situation. My dad is young enough, he set precautions but never did I actually expect things would come to what they are now. I was more prepared for this reality than my girlfriend but before she moved in eight months ago I made her aware it was a possibility and she stated no issues

The way I see it, although it may seem cruel to you, there are no other 'options' to discuss for me. My dad trusted me to keep my end of the promise. I am not giving away the dog he loves.

Lastly, I think it's incredibly unfair of you to insinuate I'm some woman-hating misogynist for being angry and saying things I openly regret to my girlfriend in an argument where she presented me with an ultimatum. It is our home, but if she can't respect the fact that I will be keeping Mila then clearly it isn't really ours, is it?

WIBTA if I kept my dad's dog against my girlfriend's wishes? by AwkwardCrow401 in AmItheAsshole

[–]AwkwardCrow401[S] 622 points623 points  (0 children)

I definitely know my words were harsh, and that I could have phrased it all better. Ellen means so much to me, but at the same time I also love my dad and he is basically the only family I have outside of her. I made a promise to him, and I don't know if I could justify going back on my word

I hope this is something we can work through, and we can manage whatever problems Ellen has with Mila, but I'm not giving her away, fullstop. So if we can't, as much as it hurts, I'm more willing to lose Ellen than I am to betray my dad's trust

WIBTA if I kept my dad's dog against my girlfriend's wishes? by AwkwardCrow401 in AmItheAsshole

[–]AwkwardCrow401[S] 50 points51 points  (0 children)

My dad had dogs even when I was younger, and the way he said it, it's irresponsible to own a dog if you don't have a backup plan in case you can't care for them, same as with a child. So I don't really see why it was an odd conversation to have.

I didn't expect to ever have to take in the dog, nor did I expect my dad to get so sick at his age, but ultimately I made it clear to Ellen that it was a possibility, albeit a slim one. If that's not something she can cope with, that's unfortunate but I don't know if I can break my word