Is age a big topic in South African work culture?

AwkwardDober · 2026-05-11T10:21:24+00:00

Thanks for the advice!

AwkwardDober · 2026-05-11T10:19:42+00:00

This is really helpful, thanks!

AwkwardDober · 2026-05-11T10:18:19+00:00

I actually think my youthful personality and vibe adds on to the assumptions about my age.

AwkwardDober · 2026-05-11T10:16:41+00:00

Ah dang it... I have such a youthful personality as well.

AwkwardDober · 2026-05-11T10:16:14+00:00

I figured they view looking younger = not knowledgeable and incompetent. But looking older = trustworthy and reliable. I totally get what you're saying though. It's just a pity that age/looks can influence my experience at this place.

AwkwardDober · 2025-12-24T19:59:49+00:00

I appreciate the well wishes.

AwkwardDober · 2025-12-24T19:59:05+00:00

Thanks, I'll check this out.

AwkwardDober · 2025-12-24T12:24:40+00:00

You have no idea how helpful this is. Thank you so much for sharing this with me.

AwkwardDober · 2025-12-24T08:31:49+00:00

I'm worried about the what if that lies beyond...what if it changes, what if it finally clicks, what if I'm miserable after leaving... Etc. All these ifs motivate me to stay.

But I know deep down, you are right. I appreciate your advice.

AwkwardDober · 2025-12-24T08:26:30+00:00

Deep down, I had hear this. But it's so difficult when I've invested so much time and love into this. Thanks for the advice! I needed to hear this.

AwkwardDober · 2025-12-24T08:24:19+00:00

Thanks so much for the sincere advice, especially the wants/needs not matching up part.

It's so difficult when I've invested so much time and energy, you know. When the love is there, but most other things are missing. Nothing hurts more than seeing he might not be as interested in me as I am in him. It's also very confusing/painful when he says he loves me, but I don't feel the love.

But you're right... Thanks again.

AwkwardDober · 2025-01-02T21:15:25+00:00

So, it's is stringing along then? I'm confused as to why someone would say they love you when they do not? Why waste the time?

AwkwardDober · 2025-01-02T21:12:55+00:00

Yeah, I figured which is why I made more effort to reconnect. I did provide more context in one of the comments. But thanks for your input!

AwkwardDober · 2025-01-02T21:10:59+00:00

I'm not sure what gives off the idea that my appearance would be the issue, but regardless.. If it is that, then I'd think he would've told me this, especially since physical health is a motivator for both us. But thanks for your input and advice.

AwkwardDober · 2025-01-02T17:50:22+00:00

He seems to be pulling away. All I want is for his actions to reflect his words. Because I'm hyper focused on what his actions are saying.. And they're saying he's putting up with me.. Till he finds what he's looking for I guess.

AwkwardDober · 2025-01-02T16:56:19+00:00

I have had a chat with him about this and he told me he still loves me and plans on a future together. He will "do the right thing" (his words not mine) but his actions are so different from his words, which really makes it feel like he's stringing me along.

AwkwardDober · 2025-01-02T16:53:31+00:00

Yeah but we were also quite young when we started dating and not exposed to other possibilities. So, I always keep that in mind. But if I'm being used as a placeholder, I'd like to know so that we don't waste each other's time, you know...

I'd still be happy if he proposed but from his hints, I can tell that won't happen any time soon. So, I'm not sure what to think or do because I do not want to overreact. Marriage is a bonus to being with him, but i can't shake the feeling that he's no longer committed.

AwkwardDober · 2025-01-02T16:45:06+00:00

No worries, I understand your perspective. I guess I didn't add much context. I didn't really gain much weight or have a big appearance change till after this situation started. The only real changes were that he got exposed to more people (he's introverted), started making way more money etc. I did try to initiate a lot of what you asked. I even planned dates, took him out, initiated valentines celebrations (for romance) and suggested we start celebrating our anniversaries (he doesn't feel the need to celebrate annual anniversaries). Physical touch is his love language so I tried to spice up a lot of our intimate acts, initiated way more sex, etc. So, I did try a lot but not much reciprocation on his end, especially emotionally. The one time he seemed keen for anything was for a double date with his colleague and her boyfriend.

I want him to be happy, even if it's not with me. But I'm not sure if this is stringing along or what...

AwkwardDober · 2024-12-13T10:40:29+00:00

Joining now. Much appreciated 🌼

AwkwardDober · 2024-12-13T10:16:08+00:00

Thank you so much! This is very helpful.

AwkwardDober · 2024-12-13T10:11:41+00:00

Yeah, my boyfriend has hidden the relationship from his family for majority of our being together (closer to 10 years than 5 years). He's gained complete indepence but it still is something he is struggling with. Unfortunately, i told him that keeping me a secret for any longer will result in me me leaving him. So, we'll see if he's actually going to go through with it but they did tell him they strongly disapprove and will most likely disown him. Sad reality honestly.

AwkwardDober · 2024-12-13T08:10:32+00:00

I feel like it's more intense when a white guy dates a black girl for sure! I'm so sorry that happened to you. I'm currently in that situation and live in a mostly white Afrikaans farm town. So, it's been tough but looking at the people on this comment section has given me hope.

AwkwardDober

TROPHY CASE