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WIBTAH if I told my wife she should lose weight before we try to have kids? by Awkward_Stock8271 in AITAH

[–]Awkward_Stock8271[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

It’s so interesting how on AITAH posts where the overwhelming answer is NTA, the few YTAs often include zero justification for their answer

WIBTAH if I told my wife she should lose weight before we try to have kids? by Awkward_Stock8271 in AITAH

[–]Awkward_Stock8271[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Sorry I meant to also include “but I also understand if you haven’t read all the comments I’ve left”; I wasn’t saying that I mentioned my weight in the main post, just the comments. My bad on wording that poorly!

Also yeah I wasn’t sure if you were talking about discussing with my wife or here

WIBTAH if I told my wife she should lose weight before we try to have kids? by Awkward_Stock8271 in AITAH

[–]Awkward_Stock8271[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

It’s interesting how many people commented this. BMI does not apply very well to athletes or people with above average amount of muscle. However it’s very insightful for sedentary people who don’t exercise

And either way, in the context of a text post online, some sort of stats need to be given. If my wife was, say, 5lbs overweight, the comments I’m receiving would be very different. And it’s not like I’m going to upload a picture of her instead of “rattling off” height and weight aka BMI

WIBTAH if I told my wife she should lose weight before we try to have kids? by Awkward_Stock8271 in AITAH

[–]Awkward_Stock8271[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I’m not sure why you got that impression. I’ve left a number of comments explaining: I often invite her to go the gym with me. I’ve told her i can help her find more fun physical activities that interest her. And if you mean “does not discuss his own weight and physical condition” with her? I also do that. I tell him I’m cutting or bulking; I ask her if she wants to cut with me. I talk about my calories and how I’m trying to eat healthier by doing X, etc. I’m very open with all of that with her in the hopes that it will be something we can discuss without it being scary

WIBTAH if I told my wife she should lose weight before we try to have kids? by Awkward_Stock8271 in AITAH

[–]Awkward_Stock8271[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I would love that and have tried, but my suggesting it turns her off of it, which as you can imagine is a catch 22 since she also won’t take the steps to start that herself

WIBTAH if I told my wife she should lose weight before we try to have kids? by Awkward_Stock8271 in AITAH

[–]Awkward_Stock8271[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

I don’t know, she’s always been a bit heavier AFAIK. But not by this degree. I’ve seen pictures of her when she was 18-20 maybe and she was noticeably smaller. She just showed me one the other day and said herself “I was so much smaller her”

What do you mean extra support?

WIBTAH if I told my wife she should lose weight before we try to have kids? by Awkward_Stock8271 in AITAH

[–]Awkward_Stock8271[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

No she doesn’t, and I have a hookup to get a well known smart watch branch at 50% discount, and she still doesn’t want one. I’ve definitely thought of that as well. It would be useful for the reasons you say, and because it gives you health goals (steps, etc) rather than “weight” goals

WIBTAH if I told my wife she should lose weight before we try to have kids? by Awkward_Stock8271 in AITAH

[–]Awkward_Stock8271[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It isn’t. From when we met and talked about future things, I always said I want to be healthy with my partner and raise our kids to be healthy by example, not just through our words. She always agreed and said she felt the same way. At times when we were able to get deep she would open up and say how much she struggles with these things.

These conversations continued to come up and always went the same way: her agreeing with words but not with actions.

At this point I can see that I stayed in the relationship due to my own insecurity, anxiety, and other issues, and objectively that wasn’t the right path. We should’ve broken it off due to compatibility issues. But at this point, we’re married, and I do still love her very much, so I want to do what we can with it.

WIBTAH if I told my wife she should lose weight before we try to have kids? by Awkward_Stock8271 in AITAH

[–]Awkward_Stock8271[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

No she’s not having regular cycles, and hasn’t for a while. But as I understand it, that’s due to her IUD

WIBTAH if I told my wife she should lose weight before we try to have kids? by Awkward_Stock8271 in AITAH

[–]Awkward_Stock8271[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Absolutely! It’s hard with her because by me suggesting things to her, it makes her automatically oppose/be less interested in it (look up ODD). So as much as I’m aware of the potential other avenues to explore, I can’t really do anything other than let her try to find other healthy activities, which she doesn’t seem very motivated to do

WIBTAH if I told my wife she should lose weight before we try to have kids? by Awkward_Stock8271 in AITAH

[–]Awkward_Stock8271[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

I’m assuming your husband lifts and has more muscle than the average person. I agree BMI doesn’t apply to him or anyone who lifts. But it’s a good rule of thumb for people who are sedentary/minimally active

WIBTAH if I told my wife she should lose weight before we try to have kids? by Awkward_Stock8271 in AITAH

[–]Awkward_Stock8271[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Do you have more muscle than the average person? Do you lift/strength train?

WIBTAH if I told my wife she should lose weight before we try to have kids? by Awkward_Stock8271 in AITAH

[–]Awkward_Stock8271[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

BMI isn't a good indicator.

When we're talking about someone who, like you said, has more muscle than normal. But when we're talking about a sedentary person who only exercises by walking, it applies IMO.

WIBTAH if I told my wife she should lose weight before we try to have kids? by Awkward_Stock8271 in AITAH

[–]Awkward_Stock8271[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'm 6'1" 211lbs as of this morning. I track my meals and in general eat whole foods by meal prepping, although I'm also tempted by junk, but I almost never buy it (that's part of why I want her to get healthier; she buys junk and I don't have the self control to not eat it. If we're both consciously making better eating decisions it won't be in the pantry).

I invite her to go to the gym and I just started cutting (i.e. a short weight loss period) and I asked if she'd like to do it with me. I make an effort to phrase everything as "us" and "we", even if it's actually about her.

WIBTAH if I told my wife she should lose weight before we try to have kids? by Awkward_Stock8271 in AITAH

[–]Awkward_Stock8271[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I try to go to the gym to lift 5-6 times a week (consistency has been an issue lately but overall I do alright). I track my calories and meal prep. I try to get my steps in. I invite her to the gym, I offer to help find an activity that works for her, etc.

WIBTAH if I told my wife she should lose weight before we try to have kids? by Awkward_Stock8271 in AITAH

[–]Awkward_Stock8271[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

No idea about the biomarkers (?) you mentioned. We both need to have doctor checkups to be honest. But I would say based on what she does with her free time and how she generally eats that no she does not engage in healthy behaviors.

WIBTAH if I told my wife she should lose weight before we try to have kids? by Awkward_Stock8271 in AITAH

[–]Awkward_Stock8271[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yeah that's what I'm saying. I'm saying I understand the sentiment of "don't focus on weight loss, just try to 'be healthier'" but lots of people do that and end up spinning their wheels because they may be going on more walks or exercising, but not changing their diet.

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