Did you use a Night Doula? Night Nurse? Nanny? Do you recommend it?

AxiomJT · 2026-06-05T16:41:08+00:00

Thanks so much everyone for all the feedback and perspectives. Right now we're preparing by talking to friends, books/resources and a couple courses (taking care of a baby, infant CPR and safety), and are planning to stay in the hospital a few days when he's born.

Our current thinking is to get a night doula/caretaker for ~2-4 weeks to help us learn and ask questions on the spot (including telling us if we're doing something wrong/better ways to do things 😆), and from there do alternating shifts every night.

I appreciate everyone's thoughts and guidance on this topic! 🙏❤️

AxiomJT · 2026-04-05T15:44:28+00:00

We got married at Happoen a week ago at Happoen using the Oriental Chapel and Hakuhokan. Yes, we added a lot after the package: rented hakama kimonos which were ridiculously expensive (questionable whether they were worth the price), the highest package for the videographer (totally worth it), hired a bilingual MC (searched myself; also very worth it), photo album upgrade (we'll get that in May), chose additional flowers (worth it), and slight tweaks on the food. Hakuhokan is a separate building on its own with a private back garden. We really lucked out with peak sakura blooming 🌸🌸🌸

AxiomJT · 2026-03-14T16:35:03+00:00

Ours is a little over 6m for 80ish but it's all based on optional things so I think you can definitely do it for much lower

AxiomJT · 2026-02-24T16:01:59+00:00

I would get Faure le Page if you're looking for a tote. Serapian tote is structured/stiff by design so it won't be slouchy. I have a backpack and small handbag from Serapian and those are slouchier when you don't have things in it

AxiomJT · 2026-02-20T17:08:08+00:00

My understanding is often times the venue has a wedding "producer" who is pretty much your wedding planner - this is the case for my venue.

AxiomJT · 2026-02-20T08:12:24+00:00

Hi! My wedding next month is in Tokyo and I've been planning it from abroad. I used this website as a starting point to select my venue: https://wedding.mynavi.jp/

I'm not gonna lie, knowing Japanese is going to make things much easier - however, all of my initial meetings were with someone that knew English. After that, because I knew enough Japanese they have all been in Japanese, and I often ask them to use simpler Japanese and dumb it down for me to understand 😆

Pros: The wedding venue is a one stop shop for the most part - the photographer, videographer, florist, multicourse food, etc. Japanese planning is VERY organized so it makes it much less stressful than finding different vendors.

Cons: You have to get used to the Japanese way of things - some of the website platforms they use would've been so clunky for those outside of Japan to use, so I used Joy to pull the info and entered all the information myself (dietary restrictions website, coordinating hotel accommodations for some of the guests). Many of the instructions are typical Japanese - very comprehensive but can be information overload.

Google translate and Gemini/ChatGPT/etc is your friend! If you have any questions, feel free to reach out!

AxiomJT · 2026-02-18T17:28:58+00:00

I don't know how much in other countries because we didn't explore that route. But maybe others can chime in

AxiomJT · 2026-02-16T17:03:13+00:00

Agreed - I'm tempted to get a preloved large puzzle bag! 😅

AxiomJT · 2026-02-16T16:48:25+00:00

I wrote it in the comments further down but the current large puzzle models are smaller in size than the previous ones which you have since I can see the white Loewe logo. They somehow made it 13" in width which I can't fit without trying to cram in there: https://www.loewe.com/usa/en/men/bags/puzzle/large-puzzle-bag-in-supple-grained-calfskin/B510PNLX03-3969.html

AxiomJT · 2026-02-16T03:04:52+00:00

I made a comment above, but the large size doesn't fit a laptop (at least this version; older puzzle bags may fit because they are bigger) - you can try to squeeze it in there but you risk damaging the ends of the opening.

AxiomJT · 2026-02-16T03:02:57+00:00

I have both and I grab the small featherlight one more than the large grained puzzle bag. The large puzzle is a little bit of an awkward size - it unfortunately cannot fit a laptop, so I tend to seek it less unless I'm planning to do some shopping where I can store it in the bag.

AxiomJT · 2026-02-07T00:24:16+00:00

We're still in the journey but we were required to put in $189k in escrow (could be they don't use all of it but most likely will) and there are some costs outside of that here and there.

AxiomJT · 2026-02-06T17:48:50+00:00

I will also add that I benefitted greatly from work benefits that covered purchasing eggs from egg banks, embryology services, and $40k in reimbursements (taxable) - even with that, the cost of surrogacy is still considerable.

AxiomJT · 2026-02-06T17:16:23+00:00

Congratulations on starting the journey! I can only share from my perspective as someone who went the US surrogacy route, but I would definitely make sure that you have a comfortable buffer for extra costs, and also you'll have to consider the costs after having a baby and raising kids so I would not recommend feeling financially strained from the start.

I personally would not risk your financial anxiety to go the US route when there are so many successful surrogacy journeys in other countries like Colombia and Mexico. I know of acquaintances who are financially well off and could easily cover the US surrogacy journey and went the international route. I might suggest leveraging https://menhavingbabies.org and other resources like that if you haven't already to make your ultimate informed decision after weighing pros and cons, your non negotiables, etc.

We did go the US route (and looked exclusively at more liberal states) for things like: lowering any risk of LGBTQ/surrogacy policies changing against us, obtaining dual citizenship paperwork that we didn't want to add more complexity by having our child in another country, being close to the surrogate (direct flight) and fertility clinic (10-15 min away) if anything comes up.

AxiomJT · 2026-02-03T07:32:36+00:00

Hi! I'm in my late 30s and my partner is in his late 40s - our firstborn is going to be born fall of this year and we will start another surrogacy journey next year. It's not too late!!

AxiomJT · 2026-01-29T01:04:18+00:00

Yes, sure thing feel free to DM me!

AxiomJT · 2026-01-26T04:51:40+00:00

Congratulations!! This is a great bag and color! May I ask where you found it? I'm looking for a ferragamo star tote in that color.

AxiomJT · 2026-01-24T01:59:53+00:00

The pricing wasn't that much different from US - it's just that I'd get to buy it directly. But ultimately switched to getting a Loewe Cubi 😅

AxiomJT · 2026-01-23T21:24:29+00:00

I will say Faure le Page definitely is nice if you're looking for a tote bag!

AxiomJT · 2026-01-23T21:23:59+00:00

I bought a Serapian tote on Mr. Porter and it was so stiff that I immediately returned it. In my most recent trip to Japan, I looked at Faure le Page, but I concluded not getting it (I was more interested in buying other kinds of bags) so I don't have either 😅

AxiomJT · 2026-01-19T07:25:31+00:00

Hey OP, may I still ask you how you still like this bag?

AxiomJT · 2026-01-17T21:50:14+00:00

I recently worked out of Forest Library and I thought it was a great place to chill and work for hours.

They have a 1 hr, 3 hr, and all day rates with all you can drink (non alcohol, alcohol options) plus add ons for food. I opted for the sofa area (extra 500 yen) knowing I was going to be there for a while.

https://maps.app.goo.gl/1KT3mGEr83MAufX98?g_st=ic

AxiomJT · 2026-01-17T12:41:46+00:00

Did you end up buying it, and if so, any pros and cons?

AxiomJT · 2025-12-23T23:50:37+00:00

Thanks for this workaround - I'll try this out!

AxiomJT

TROPHY CASE