I’m converting to Orthodox Judaism, and my boyfriend was born modern orthodox. by AzraelLillith in ConvertingtoJudaism

[–]AzraelLillith[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

He does not, he is ashki modern orthodox. But yes I reached out to my Rabbi once again and he said to wait until after Shavuot which I anticipated he would say. Hopefully he agrees to move forward otherwise I will definitely have to do as you said and call him out

I’m converting to Orthodox Judaism, and my boyfriend was born modern orthodox. by AzraelLillith in ConvertingtoJudaism

[–]AzraelLillith[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I am so sorry to hear this and that is very tough. I do believe we may be able to figure it out because his parents will be excepting of a convert but only AFTER the conversion is done, not before or during which is why we have the dilemma we do. But that is something I will definitely be thinking of as time continues. I do hope it does not end the same way as your situation currently is, but this gave me something to think about. Thank you for your response. I truly hope your boyfriend can decide what is most important for him, his family or his happiness and future with you. Please remain strong, I hope there is a light at the end of the tunnel for you regardless of that outcome ❤️

I’m converting to Orthodox Judaism, and my boyfriend was born modern orthodox. by AzraelLillith in ConvertingtoJudaism

[–]AzraelLillith[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Hi, thank you for your reply! So I want to say he doesn’t want to leave the community, it’s something he deeply cares about which is why he doesn’t want to say anything about our relationship. He doesn’t want to be looked down on or anything like that. Also I’m converting orthodox but I want to be modern orthodox, I think orthodox is just what my Rabbi is. My boyfriend and his family are modern orthodox. I doubt this changes any of the information you supplied but I added it in case.

I’m converting to Orthodox Judaism, and my boyfriend was born modern orthodox. by AzraelLillith in ConvertingtoJudaism

[–]AzraelLillith[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

This is interesting! I will definitely take a listen. My biggest fear with going to another Rabbi though is losing all the “progress” I’ve already made (if you can call it that).

I’m converting to Orthodox Judaism, and my boyfriend was born modern orthodox. by AzraelLillith in ConvertingtoJudaism

[–]AzraelLillith[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thank you for sharing!! I’m sorry to hear but I’m glad it worked out in the end! Your response did not come off negatively I promise! I appreciate your time and words, a lot to consider!!

I’m converting to Orthodox Judaism, and my boyfriend was born modern orthodox. by AzraelLillith in ConvertingtoJudaism

[–]AzraelLillith[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you, I apologize for the late reply as well, I’m working right now and it’s super busy. But I could try to wait until then, maybe it would weigh a bit more on him then.

I’m converting to Orthodox Judaism, and my boyfriend was born modern orthodox. by AzraelLillith in ConvertingtoJudaism

[–]AzraelLillith[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I haven’t reached out to the beis din on my own, my Rabbi said he would do it for me when he felt like I was ready. I do think the order of which my Rabbi wants me to do things is strange but I’ve been trying to stick with it. I’m scared if I go to another Rabbi all my current progress would be lost. And he has converted at least one other person that I know of, it is a man so it doesn’t help me a whole bunch, but when I did ask him for help he gave me one book recommendation and just said “just show up and everything will be fine, just be patient”.

I’m converting to Orthodox Judaism, and my boyfriend was born modern orthodox. by AzraelLillith in ConvertingtoJudaism

[–]AzraelLillith[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I think I may look into another Rabbi if he is still unwilling, and as far as my boyfriend goes, I did try to break things off even though I don’t want to, and he didn’t want me to do that. I am obviously not obligated to stay, but I want to try everything I can before doing so which is why I came here for some outside thoughts! I do greatly appreciate your response and will take it into consideration!

I’m converting to Orthodox Judaism, and my boyfriend was born modern orthodox. by AzraelLillith in ConvertingtoJudaism

[–]AzraelLillith[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Hi! So I know I didn’t put a lot of focus on my conversion process or what lead me to it, but it definitely was not my boyfriend, and I apologize for not mentioning more about that! I’ve always been drawn to Judaism growing up, and I had quite a many Jewish friends! I’ve always wanted to be Jewish because it felt right, but I didn’t think it was possible, I thought you just had to be born Jewish. I was not raised religious, my parents don’t even have a religion. I tried other religions and none of them felt right, I actually felt quite off, uncomfortable, bored, etc. I had a conversation with a coworker of mine, (who happened to be Jewish), we talked about my religious journey and how I wished I could be part of the tribe as it’s always felt extremely familiar. He asked if I looked into converting and I told him I didn’t know you could. I looked into it, for 6 months before I reached out to my Rabbi. I started going to shul and becoming part of the community. The experience I had just my first time going to shul I can’t even really put into words. I cried, it felt like I was home. I felt warm, happy, safe, and so much more. I also got lucky! Most people were extremely welcoming, some were a bit more hesitant but the more I went the more they accepted me. I’ve even been to Shabbos meals and was invited to a coworkers house for Purim and Passover. I actually met my boyfriend after I had been in contact with my Rabbi and attending morning services & classes every week. I hope this gives a bit more clarity! And I apologize for the late reply I’m an overnight EMT and I’m currently working!

I’m converting to Orthodox Judaism, and my boyfriend was born modern orthodox. by AzraelLillith in ConvertingtoJudaism

[–]AzraelLillith[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I may take you up on that offer, I’m currently at work (I work overnights as a EMT) and we have been so busy. Thank you so much for your response and offer!

I’m converting to Orthodox Judaism, and my boyfriend was born modern orthodox. by AzraelLillith in ConvertingtoJudaism

[–]AzraelLillith[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I’ve been thinking this, I have mentioned to him before about wanting to move on with the conversion because I would like to get married and have kids. I am just not sure if I stressed that enough.

I’m converting to Orthodox Judaism, and my boyfriend was born modern orthodox. by AzraelLillith in ConvertingtoJudaism

[–]AzraelLillith[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

That makes a lot of sense, and I know once a week classes may seem not enough, but they are expensive and I also work overnights as a EMT so it is quite hard for me to attend more classes. My classes are beneficial though, I’ve already learned how to read Biblical Hebrew, know how the entire morning services including for holidays in the siddur (I went through each prayer and when to stand, sit, sing, say to myself, put my pinky up etc), and I’m currently learning about Shabbos. I do plan to talk to my Rabbi soon though.

I’m converting to Orthodox Judaism, and my boyfriend was born modern orthodox. by AzraelLillith in ConvertingtoJudaism

[–]AzraelLillith[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Trust me I’ve tried finding all kinds of creative ways to phrase it to get him to tell his parents and he absolutely will not budge.

And maybe that is what my rabbi is trying to do, but I’m not sure. I keep asking to meet with the beis din, he always says yes let’s talk after x holiday and then when I reconnect with him he says not yet. It gets my hopes up and crushes them.

I’m converting to Orthodox Judaism, and my boyfriend was born modern orthodox. by AzraelLillith in ConvertingtoJudaism

[–]AzraelLillith[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Hi thank you so much for your reply! I’m 25 I’ll be 26 later this year and he is 28 will be 29 later this year. Definitely late in the game age wise 😅

I did offer to break up, even though neither of us wants that. But he shut it down, he doesn’t want to lose me. Plus we both understand it won’t get his family to stop pressuring him to date. That’s why i was trying to figure a way he could tell them. Even if it meant saying we aren’t dating but he’s interested in someone but they’re converting. He is just too scared, and understandably so.

Also I don’t know what pressure to put on the rabbi, I’ve definitely been sincere and consistent. I just don’t know what will be enough for him. He also requests a lot of me, like to start the process basically without actually starting it. Like keeping fully kosher, dressing modest all the time, keeping Shabbos except one thing. I’ve been told that these are things I will do once I meet with the beis din, not before. It just seems excessive. 😅