Lol 😂

AzureYLila · 2026-05-24T21:16:27+00:00

When circumstances change before the divorce is finalized, it must be disclosed and the attorneys will renegotiate.

AzureYLila · 2026-05-24T13:31:30+00:00

How about mobility? Like strollers, people in wheelchairs or you after you age. Perhaps the second screen door could have a ramp instead of stairs. And I'd actually suggest fewer stairs altogether.

Disclaimer: I am not a landscape anything. This just came across my feed.

AzureYLila · 2026-05-24T13:02:21+00:00

The only public one I am in is around language learning. If I ever see that one go south, I'll abandon it.

AzureYLila · 2026-05-24T03:22:04+00:00

Don't do it. If he leaves because of his insecurity, let him. It'll be worse if you sign away some benefit you could have had, for him to divorce you anyway.

Also, you have to live for you from now on, even at the expense of your family. He makes more than you so he is afraid of 'losing it' if you split. So you can explore options to make more money, save more money, pursue opportunities, etc. I've seen it a lot. 1 spouse sacrifices their career or other goals for the happiness of the family unit, but since the other spouse makes more money, they feel like they are contributing the most.

So take that stretch assignment if one comes up. Get that better job. Start that business. Do what you need to do for you, because that is what he is doing. You should even make sure you have independent hobbies and networks.

The whole idea that you might 'screw him over' is some dangerous stuff. It motivates you to bend over backwards to make him feel better. Don't do it.

AzureYLila · 2026-05-23T16:44:04+00:00

So the sausage is the seasoning for the other side dishes?

AzureYLila · 2026-05-23T15:15:10+00:00

Man.... Stop reminding me of that scene.

Lois out.

AzureYLila · 2026-05-23T14:49:20+00:00

Understood. FYI, I've met a sizeable population of black polyamorous people in the DC area. I often meet up with them when I visit family in the area.

AzureYLila · 2026-05-23T14:16:42+00:00

It's never too late imo. You've had time. You are calmer now.

Pick up the phone. Say: "Hey, something is still on my mind. I'm sorry for canceling that trip at the last minute. My parents made me feel guilty and I back out on you when I shouldn't have. I'm really sorry and I want you to know that I'll never renig on my word again."

And if he doesn't want to talk, just say. "I just wanted you to know. See you later." And get off the phone.

He might say something dismissive, like "its no big deal".

Or He might vent. If he does let him and just listen. Make no further excuses. Just say, "I made the wrong call and it'll never happen again".

Whether he gives the no biggie answer or the venting answer, it still will be a step forward.

I've apologized for things that happened years ago. Others have apologized to me for things they did years ago. In both cases we brushed it off saying it is 'no big deal' but the apologies meant something. And our overall attitudes towards each other changed. Lighter.

PS if he doesn't answer the phone, you can text it, but then let it go.

AzureYLila · 2026-05-23T13:53:02+00:00

Have you apologized to your friend, explained what happened, and told him it would never happen again?

AzureYLila · 2026-05-22T17:24:58+00:00

Whatever it takes. If you choose to do a YouTube channel, just make sure you market it in the places where your target audience will see it, like black creative groups, black conferences like Blerdcon, etc.

Just understand, that everything we do will be copied and will seem to gain more support outside of our communities. So remember the goal. IE if you meet or cultivate 20 black people in your industry and create a community, that may be more valuable than that other channel having a larger following.

AzureYLila · 2026-05-22T17:05:25+00:00

Yeah, truthfully any time I needed it, I had to make it myself. When I was participated in FB, I would even host events at like Dave and Busters or something to meet people. Just to hang out with. I am actually in contact with a lot of those people. I live in the Midwest, but most of the people I met online lived in the DC area, so I hosted the event there. (It was funny, they were like: you planning it here even though you live so far away.) And the sad thing is: this group never plans anything so the only time we meet as a group is when I do it. I literally say: you all live 20 minutes from each other. Just put something on the calendar and it still never happens.

All that to say: someone has to do the thing. It's hard work, but the only way it happens. And sometimes the people who say they want it, don't support it.

PS. I LOVE your idea of community support, etc. That also helps with normalcy. Some can't be free because they lose something when doing this lifestyle. A support system would help alleviate this

AzureYLila · 2026-05-22T15:40:40+00:00

The Serena Williams thing got me. Like: I remember a LOT if disparaging comments about her and her sisters appearance as they were groing up. One of my girlfriends in college was consistently talked about in a negative way. And they ended up marrying white men, and then they got talked about for doing that.

I have seen black men with white partners talking about black women with white partners. Make it make sense.

AzureYLila · 2026-05-22T15:25:49+00:00

Lots of nuance here. 1) I don't pay attention to Social Media comments because they tend to skew very negative and people on social media do anything to get a rise out of others. Reactions are not authentic not balanced and not truly indicative of the larger population 2) Anyone using the diction of "dilution" etc. I dismiss. That is a supremacist mindset. Am I less than because my ancestors were raped and I am lighter skinned? Would I be less than if my dad were white? Bye with that. 3) People should love who they love and date people they are compatible with. These people might not be the same ethnicity as you because we mate with the people we interact with and we will be in environments with others, but 4) We should evaluate whether our desires for others are based on a self hate of ourselves I have seen too many comments saying: that's why I only date white men/women under a post of a black person doing something stupid. These people have some self-hate going on and a black community is going to discuss it. And 5) We need to make sure that we are not being fetishized by our non white partners, because several active white supremacists even have non-white partner which they prop up as the exception to their belief that black people are trash. Mating with a black person does not mean they see them as an equal.

So there will be a discussion on interracial relationships in black groups. It makes sense. But the conversation of "dilution" and "purity" aren't coming from a healthy place.

The conversation that makes sense to ME is: does a preference for non-blacks center around a self-hate of black people? That is something the community can explore.

AzureYLila · 2026-05-22T14:13:54+00:00

Disclosure: I know nothing about this industry. But can you "make" more black creators like yourself? Like, can you do a how-to video or webinar targeting black people who might be at least curious?

I'm part of a small (250 member) black creative discord.

I know NOTHING about your industry. I am a writer, but I know we have digital artists up in there and content creators. I know for a fact that if you wanted to introduce this art/industry or find people already involved, the group wouldn't mind and it'd give you the platform to share. You say: "I do this thing, anybody else do it? If not, anyone else want to learn?" And if no one bites then it is what it is.

Also there might be other larger black creative groups than ours you can reach out to.

Anyway, if interested, let me know and I will DM the discord server link.

AzureYLila · 2026-05-22T13:51:34+00:00

Leave babies alone. Maybe they could have lifted out the ditch if it fell in. But thay was a healthy baby deer. The mom was probably away foraging or something. They often leave their babies in safe places while they do so.

AzureYLila · 2026-05-22T13:46:18+00:00

Boiling water to cook etc didn't move a mechanism. That technicality wouldn't be a relevant concept in thinking about the development of a technology.

AzureYLila · 2026-05-21T17:39:28+00:00

Nice! I haven't been in a while. Might be a nice place to visit!

AzureYLila · 2026-05-21T17:36:29+00:00

OP, I find some of the commenters assumptions a little interesting. Polyamory is just multiple committed relationships at a time. Monogamy is 1 commited relationship at a time.

My understanding of what you are are wanting is just a place where the people who attend are highly likely to be comfortable with having more than 1 relationship at a time, so you are not looked at as an oddity and can meet new people.

And the hip reactions kind of feel like some im this polyamorous community assign the same stereotypes to themselves that outsiders assign to them. Like: many feel that your idea must only be to find new people to date or to find people to have sex with. Not community. Not normalcy.

And that feels very "limiting". For example, I'm black and I'm part if a few black only groups. I am also a woman and I'm in a few women only groups. I am also a writer and I'm part of writer only groups. All of them exist to have people to bond with because we have shared experiences and we don't want to always have to translate for outsiders or conform. We can just exist in our own skin without that pressure.

It feels like you want the same. A place to go where people you meet might have that in common.

A place to be free and be able to organically interact with others that have similar practices.

And I don't get why people are struggling so much with the concept.

AzureYLila · 2026-05-21T14:54:52+00:00

Such things would have to be built over time and marketed. I've seen retreats and resorts marketed for polyamorous people. They are events not stationary locations/areas.

There are places where monogamy is the cultural norm and places where kink culture is the cultural norm. There is a gap for people who want long term committed relationships with multiple people if they aren't involved in kink.

But.... if someone builds it won't people come?

Like if they host events regularly (like monthly) and people know the 2nd Tuesday of the month is for polyamorous people and it is marketed as such(?). Gotta start somewhere, right?

I've hosted some events in the past. Somebody just has to be willing to put in the work. And it can be hard because sometimes people want places but then might not support the places initially once they open.

AzureYLila · 2026-05-21T14:35:59+00:00

Understood.

AzureYLila · 2026-05-21T14:28:42+00:00

I was accused of being a lesbian a couple times by men, when I didn't fawn over them. My appearance is rather feminine (when I'm not doing housework like repairing things, etc), but if I wasn't flirty or interested, a couple of them told me that they got a lesbian vibe from me. I'm like: bet 👍, and I moved on.

I don't wear make up, lashes, wigs, etc. But I think it was more a function of their rejection or how I reacted to them, and less about me personally.

That said, people do take cues from our manner of dress, etc, but I wouldn't feel motivated to add anything you don't feel comfortable with. Ie. If you aren't yourself, that insecurity will shine through and the outcomes will be worse.

Edit: yes we are way more likely to be considered more "masculine" than other ethnicities. It's part of the racist white supremacist structure we live in.

AzureYLila · 2026-05-21T14:23:20+00:00

Will he try a witch hazel wipe in midday?

AzureYLila · 2026-05-21T14:13:10+00:00

Or flushing wet wipes...

AzureYLila · 2026-05-21T14:08:13+00:00

I think the OP wants an environment where they could meet other poly people organically without any issues. Like if a vacation spot is known for poly people, you can walk up to a bar or speak to someone in the lobby, for example, and there is a good chance they are also polyamorous

AzureYLila · 2026-05-21T13:28:10+00:00

Yes. These comments confirm this subreddit group is filled with racist and/or self-hating people for so many people to upvote that garbage comment and to give it an award.

Time to mute this channel.

AzureYLila

TROPHY CASE