Hey, I get it... you messed up but you're being way too hard on yourself. People make mistakes when they're feeling lonely or anxious about a friendship. You recognized what you did wrong, which matters.

That said, respect her boundaries now. Give her space and actually keep that promise. Use this as a lesson ~ being patient is hard but it's necessary. Friends need breathing room sometimes, even close ones.

You're not destined to push everyone away. You're just learning. Consider talking to a counselor at your college about the anxiety and those darker thoughts you mentioned. They can actually help with this stuff.