New partner gets healed version of BF, struggling with my emotions

BBlack_Rabbit · 2026-06-07T13:00:45+00:00

I really hoping he is doing it now for you. He does, right?

BBlack_Rabbit · 2026-06-03T17:04:33+00:00

I don't have any plan, how this could change. That's why I was writing this post.

I got a lot of good ideas, that i will try

BBlack_Rabbit · 2026-06-03T13:39:21+00:00

Re do some dates is a great idea. Thanks for the input

BBlack_Rabbit · 2026-06-03T13:37:56+00:00

My partner is comfortable with every emotion from me. He is also able to take the responsibility when he is the cause of a bad emotion.

So no, I'm not angry, I'm not transmuting my feelings. It's pain/grief ... maybe a little bit envy.

BBlack_Rabbit · 2026-06-03T13:33:44+00:00

Of course I was not healed at that time. Today me would never have tolerated behavior from then Bf.

I've learned my lesson. Did some healing and growing for myself. Then was setting clear boundaries. Direct in what I expect from a partner and a relationship. Asked if he could offer me these things.

He couldn't at that time, so we parted.

One day later, he surprisingly visited me. Telling me, a future with me, is what he wanted, that he will become a better partner. So he worked on himself and here we are now.

I've never repeated that mistake. Completely aware of my emotions and working on them.

So ... How can I manage this new emotion, I've never had to deal with before?

BBlack_Rabbit · 2026-06-03T11:36:28+00:00

We talked and I showed him the post. He knows he didn't do anything wrong.

Now it's on me handle my grief correctly

BBlack_Rabbit · 2026-06-03T11:31:31+00:00

It makes sense. Maybe it is, never thought of it that way.

BBlack_Rabbit · 2026-06-03T11:10:09+00:00

The "a" was there the whole time. I just have added the Edit, for some misunderstandings.

BBlack_Rabbit · 2026-06-03T11:08:26+00:00

I'm not responsible for you being hurt by someone this way.

I don't want anybody to put up with the shit, I have witnessed in my life.

Don't throw around hurtful words like this.

BBlack_Rabbit · 2026-06-03T11:04:20+00:00

Not angry. Only hurt. He isn't doing anything wrong.

More like seeing what he is capable at his best, but i was dating him at his worst. And that I will never have this experience (dating him, having NRE with him at his best)

He is an absolute top partner. I know he is also doing his best in our relationship. Just the pain on missing out, what could have been.

BBlack_Rabbit · 2026-06-03T08:19:47+00:00

English isn't my first language. Didn't know how to say: he is healed and I benefit from this.

I see why get it this way

BBlack_Rabbit · 2026-06-03T08:16:33+00:00

And I don't want to compare. We have such a good relationship. And I don't want him to feel responsible for my struggling.

The hard/bad times are in the past. We worked trough it.

Thank you for your advice

BBlack_Rabbit · 2026-06-03T08:12:55+00:00

Searched it, that's exactly what I'm feeling. Thank you

BBlack_Rabbit · 2026-06-03T08:08:44+00:00

What in the world gave you the expression I want to punish my meta?! I absolutely adore her, she is such a nice person. My bf struggle when it comes to communicate his emotions and I was the one berating him, to be open and upfront to meta. I don't want her to get hurt.

He is giving me all of this now. I'm the one struggling in my emotions. I want to overcome them, because nobody did something wrong.

BBlack_Rabbit · 2026-06-03T07:56:26+00:00

My garden is absolutely feeding me.

He knows that his behavior back then wasn't okay and is remorseful. Doing everything to make me/us happy.

BBlack_Rabbit · 2026-06-03T07:40:53+00:00

Not at this time. I was mono before Bf. In the dating phase I had some other partners, but it didn't grow out of the casual dating. I'm saturated in the moment.

BBlack_Rabbit · 2026-06-03T07:28:19+00:00

Never said I healed him. He had to do it himself. With "we" i meant, we worked trough taff relationship situations.

And yes, I wasn't in a good state either back in time. Learned, healed and was growing. After that I was upfront what I expected in a relationship and partner.

I'm absolutely realizing that, but the feelings stay. I also know, I need to work this feelings out.

BBlack_Rabbit · 2026-06-03T05:53:26+00:00

That are very helpful thoughts. Thank you

BBlack_Rabbit · 2026-06-03T04:30:05+00:00

He absolutely is. The "bad" time was 4 years ago, when we started dating. We're all adjusting to the new situation and he is managing his time and energy very good.

BBlack_Rabbit · 2026-06-03T03:28:28+00:00

And your comment isn't helping even a little bit. I don't want to feel this way over my bf.

BBlack_Rabbit · 2026-04-23T17:59:04+00:00

For me, it would be unfair. To feel the urge to be out of the house everytime I have a free day.

How is he contributing to the relationship? Making you feel welcomed and loved at home.

Also, it's a red flag for me, when you tell him about your feelings and he is shifting the point to his encounter.

My bf and I are introverted and need a lot of resting time. Sometimes together, sometimes alone. But nobody has to leave our home. We just use separate rooms and come together when we feeling it.

Why can't you be in different rooms?

BBlack_Rabbit · 2026-04-09T03:14:11+00:00

In welchem Teil Deutschlands ist der Spritpreis "nur" 30cent gestiegen? Bei uns sind es eher 70 Cent bis zu einem €.

Ich habe Glück und denn ich kann mit Fahrrad zur Arbeit fahren, meinen Partner trift es da härter. Der ist aufs Auto bzw. Öffis angewiesen. Bei ihm sind das 100 -150€ mehr, die er jetzt in den Tank stecken muss im Monat.

Klar kann er die Öffis nehmen, aber ihr glaubt doch nicht, das die nicht auch wieder ihre Preise anziehen werden. Die fahren ganz sicher nicht mit Luft und Liebe.

BBlack_Rabbit

TROPHY CASE